Talk:Weapons of Class Destruction/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Miyagawa (talk · contribs) 08:51, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, grabbing this now for a review over the weekend. Big VM fan, so very pleased to see the episodes starting to appear at GAN. Miyagawa (talk) 08:51, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Great! Thank you. :) BenLinus 1214^talk 19:57, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, let's give this review a go!

Lead
- You can drop "and the eighteenth episode overall" - as it is the first season, it's superfluous since you've already said it was the 18th episode.
- I think you can also edit out "which takes place in the episode" in the third paragraph, as if it wasn't happening in this episode then you wouldn't be discussing it. :)
- Also, you don't need the citations in the lead as it should be abbreviating information which otherwise appears in the article.
  - Done

Plot
- I can't really put my finger on a specific example, but all the "Veronica"'s makes the plot seem very repetitive.
- You also tend to use a lot of "Later," and "Soon," at the start of a sentence, which again is repetitive (and in several places quite unnecessary).
- There's opportunity to avoid using short sentences, such as changing "Veronica prints the story in the school newspaper. This causes chaos at school the next day." to "Veronica prints the story in the school newspaper, causing chaos at school the next day." If you can give the plot a copy edit with those points in mind then I'll take another look.
  - Done I've done a copyedit of the plot section, paying particular attention to your comments. You can take a look at it.

Arc significance
- I'm not convinced that you need this section.
  - Done. Yeah, these sections are especially short here. It's more debatable in other articles, but here they should definitely be removed.

Music
- Likewise, but I think you'll be able to work this line into the production section.
  - Done

Production
- "The episode also features the return of Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie (Tina Majorino) and Alicia Fennel (Erica Gimpel) after absences of seven and ten episodes, respectively." is uncited - also would be best to ensure that you've stated that you're referring to characters as you go straight from taking about writers/directors to characters without making the difference clear.
  - I just removed that. It's not really necessary.
- "At PaleyFest 2014, series creator Rob Thomas stated that "The truth is, we never had any intention at all for Logan to end up with Veronica,” said Thomas." - You've said that Thomas said that line both at the start and the end of the sentence.
  - Done
- I'm not sure why you have the indented quote paragraph when you then have two paragraphs following that which are mostly made up by quotes from single sources.
  - Done I incorporated it into another paragraph.

References
- What makes http://proyouthpages.com/vmars23.html a reliable source?
  - Eh, I thought it was at first, but looking deeper into it, its definitely not. Removed material cited to that.

Once you've had a chance to look through those, I'll take a second look. Miyagawa (talk) 22:35, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Miyagawa: Done I think! :) BenLinus 1214^talk 23:34, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Great - that is much better. The reduction in the short sentences in the plot stops the Veronica's from being all that jarring and repetitive. Unlike in some shows, you couldn't break it up by using her surname instead because obviously Keith has the same surname and it'd get confusing. So I think this is now good to go for GA. The image I think is fine under fair use as there is a specific part of the article which is greatly enhanced by the inclusion. Promoting now. Miyagawa (talk) 10:18, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]