Talk:We're Not in Kansas Anymore/GA1

GA Review

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I am not the main GA reviewer, but here are my thoughts on the plot summary...

I just tried to read it, and, well...I can't. It's totally confusing, and I have only a very rough idea of what actually happened. It reads like two sentences have been removed from in between every sentence that is in there now...seriously, it's not helpful to a reader who hasn't seen the show.

• "When she arrives at school, Annie spots Ethan getting out of his car and makes eye contact, only to realize that he is receiving a blow job from a fellow student."
  • Why would he be getting out of the car while that is happening? It's stuff like this that is all over.
• Prior to leaving, Naomi's mother, Tracy (Christina Moore), tells Harry if things had been different, they would be discussing their own child.
  • So I'm assuming they've had a relationship before? This is right out of left field...
• "When Naomi reads an exact copy of Annie's paper in class, she apologies by giving Annie an $800 dress."
  • What? Did a confrontation occur or something?

Basically, I'm totally baffled by the plot summary and don't really know what happened in the episode. :/ Cheers, —Ed 17 ^{(Talk / Contribs)} 09:02, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Ed has done a good enough job I'm going to place this on hold until all the plot section concerns have been addressed. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 09:53, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I fixed the comments left above, but if there are more issues in the plot section I'll need specific examples; having watched the episode, I am unable to see the parts which are confusing. I hope the plot section wasn't that confusing (if it was, I guess you can blame the writers of the episode ;)). Corn.u.co.pia • Disc.us.sion 11:45, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Review 1

Plot

Annie hopes to meet and hook up with a friend named Ethan Ward (Dustin Milligan), whom she met two summers ago.

Meet and hook up are basically redundant.

After class, Annie insists Noami does not need to show her around, who instead talks about her busy life and upcoming birthday party.

Who the "who" is in this sentence is not clear. It does not have a clear antecedent.

but Adrianna tells her that scenery would have suited her better anyways.

What does "scenery" mean exactly?

Ethan finds Annie and asks if she is going to tell Naomi what she saw, and Annie promises not to. In the parking lot, Adrianna takes several pills from a drug dealer, and agrees to pay him the next day. While eating lunch, Annie meets Silver (Jessica Stroup); however, Naomi pulls Annie away, explaining that Silver makes insulting videos about people.

1. What is "what she saw"?
2. You need some kind of joiner for "In the parking lot..." (maybe "meanwhile" or similar).
3. "while eating lunch" when? The next day? 4. "insulting videos about people" what exactly does that mean?

Before she leaves, Naomi's mother, Tracy (Christina Moore), tells Harry that if they had continued their romantic relationship, they would be discussing their own child.

Who "they" are (her parents?) is not clear in the sentence.

Annie tells Dixon of her invite to Naomi's party, whom she saw Ethan cheating on.

"Invitation" would be better (more formal) than "invite". Also "whom" refer to "Naomi's party", and I don't think that she saw her party being cheated on.

Ethan is forced by his team members to lie that Dixon started the fight during lacrosse, who is subsequently kicked off the team.

You switch from one completely different scene to another, you need a transition word.

Annie argues with Ethan for lying, and asks what happened to the Ethan that she met two years ago.

"because of his lying" would be better to use.

In class, Naomi reads an exact copy of Annie's paper. When Annie confronts Naomi, she apologies by giving Annie an $800 dress.

Another switch, another transition needed. Also, "apologizes".

Harry and Debbie punish Annie for cheating by disallowing her to go to Naomi's party.

"not allowing", not "disallowing".

Production

The only surviving element from the original series was believed to be Creative Artists Agency, the talent agency which masterminded the spin-off idea.

Why was it only "believed", not known? And a ref?

Sachs said that although Thomas had a "great script", their version of the script was edgier.

"edgier" is not a commonly used word. Quote it if it's in the ref.

Sachs and Judah found the parents to be an important part of the series, and designed to be contemporary parents.

Should be "designed them to be".

The producers wanted his character to be a mix between a teacher and a real guy in this world.

"a real guy in this world" is very informal.

Doherty accepted to guest star after talking with Sachs, but her appearance was moved to the second episode.

"accepted to guest start" is gramatically incorrect.

After reading the script, Spelling expressed interest returning, and the writers decided to give Donna her own fashion line

Her own fashion line in real life or in the series?

On May 11, one day before The CW's upfront presentations,

May 11 when?

Release

. On August 18, The CW notified critics that they would not be releasing the premiere episodes, "[we] have made...

Should be "saying" before the quote.

which was later confirmed to be the case.

Ref?

Adam Buckman of the New York Post commented on the crude language used by the characters, and found nothing surprised him with watching the episode.

What does "nothing surprised him" mean? About what?

Richmond praised the actors and writers, especially returning actor Garth, whom he found looked terrific and did a fine job.

Quote this. Very informal.

the vibe felt right and it was not the disaster it was expected to be.

"Vibe" is rather informal.

Among the reviews were several negative ones, who compared it negatively to the original

Do not use "who". Try: "There were several negative reviews, which compared the series negatively to the original"

Also, current ref 35 is dead.

Noble Story (talk • contributions) 04:09, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I have taken care of all the comments; hopefully there is not much else. Corn.u.co.pia • Disc.us.sion 05:32, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Nope, there's always something else. :) Noble Story (talk • contributions) 10:23, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Review 2

Plot

When she arrives at school the next day, Annie spots Ethan in his car and makes eye contact, only to realize that he is receiving a blow job from a fellow student.

Maybe try to use a more "scientific" word than "blow job".

After class, Noami talks about her busy life and upcoming birthday party.

To who?

Annie, also an actress, is upset that she arrived too late to audition, but Adrianna tells her that backstage would have suited her better anyways.

"also an actress" -> "who is also an actress". And a better word than "anyways"? That is a non-standard word.

Before she leaves, Naomi's mother, Tracy (Christina Moore), reminds Harry that they had been dating in high school.

This does not really have any clear meaning. Why did she tell him?

Also, I a little confused. Is the dad Harry to same person as the principal Harry?

Yes they are the same person, and I don't really know how to reword this. This Tracy is a bit screwed in the head (I think) and just had to say something about how they were dating. I am guessing the writers inserted the line so that her revelation later in the episode that they have a child together isn't a complete shock out of nowhere. Corn.u.co.pia • Disc.us.sion 10:40, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

OK, well, it would be better say "they dated in high school". Noble Story (talk • contributions) 11:04, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Okay, done. Corn.u.co.pia • Disc.us.sion 11:12, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Production

The producers wanted his character to be a mix between a teacher and an average man.

OK, now it sounds like these 2 are mutually exclusive.

Doherty accepted to appear after talking with Sachs,

"accepted to appear" is still incorrect. Try "decided to appear".

and found there was nothing new that could have surprised him with watching the episode

This is still unclear. Does it mean that there was nothing new compared to the old show?

I have no idea. Here is what he said exactly: "Like many teens today, the teenaged Annie loves to say, "Oh my God!" when she is surprised by someone or something, a frequent occurrence. Nothing surprised me enough, while watching "90210," to blurt out, "Oh my God!" but hey, I'm not as easily surprised as a 15-year-old from Kansas." He doesn't really compare the episode to anything, but just says he wasn't surprised. Corn.u.co.pia • Disc.us.sion 10:47, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Noble Story (talk • contributions) 10:23, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Well, then, it looks like this article is now a pass. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 11:15, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, and the pass! :) Corn.u.co.pia • Disc.us.sion 11:31, 8 March 2009 (UTC)