Talk:Walter Donaldson (snooker player)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 17:40, 5 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"finals from 1947 to 1954" since you're linking individual years to world championships, which I find a shade Easter eggy, why not link 1954?

Added. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"the British Junior English Billiards Championship (Under-16 section)," in 1922?

Added. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"during World War II, Donaldson" no need to link the war here.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"he lost to Davis. " in which round?

Quarter finals, but as it was the first match for both of them in that year's championship I've gone for "his first match". BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"from World Championship competition" vs "the world snooker championship in " capitalisation strategy?

Hopefully now consistently capitalised except the mention of "real world championship" - should that be capitalised too? BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

side is linked but probably better to link it to side spin.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Shouldn't "News of the World Snooker Tournament" be "News of the World Snooker Tournament"? Same for the Daily Mail tournament.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"Crescent, Edinburgh on" comma after Edin.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Coatbridge has an article.

Linked. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"one-foot-high" convert to cm for metric readers.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

All scorelines should use an en-dash.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

He was called up and immediately made a sergeant?

I don't know. The Hull Daily Mail says he "served in the Western Desert as a sergeant." The Billiard Player has "He soldiered as a Royal Signals sergeant attached to the Fourth Indian Division. His travel log covered Nova Scotia, North Africa from Cairo to Tunis, Greece and Italy." Masters of the Baize says "Donaldson served as a Royal Signals sergeant with the Fourth Indian Division of the Eighth Army." No other ranks for Donaldson are mentioned in these sources. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"including a 21–10 win over" repetitive, I'd go for victory here.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"the final.[19][15] Following" cite order.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"but as the billiard table being" overlinked.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"then unexpectedly eliminated" why unexpected, according to whom?

Williams and Gadsby call it "a major shock" but I removed "unexpectedly" anyway. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

" sixteen frames at" seems like a funny time to introduce the concept of "frames" when you've given frame scorelines several times before this.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"In Fred Davis' book Talking Snooker, first published in 1979, he..." maybe "In his book ...., Fred Davis..." to avoid the rapid repeat of FD.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"title, in 1950" you relinked 1947 after the lead, why not this one?

Incompetence. Linked. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"Two defeats by Joe Davis.." bring Donaldson into this sentence, new para etc.

Amended, but might need further improvement. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"Fred Davis, who wrote..." this sentence doesn't parse properly for me.

Amended, but might need further improvement. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"the handicapped" what does this mean in this context?

I've had a go at explaining this in footnotes. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"four frame lead" four-frame.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

s's v s', be consistent.

Amended (except at Professional Billiards Players' Association). BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Our article calls BACC with an ampersand, ie. BA&CC.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"After retiring from snooker, he converted" perhaps replace this first "snooker" with "the sport".

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

" 1973.[72][23][73]" order.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:57, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"He was considered one .." I'm not sure this is a "retirement" subject?

I've added "and legacy" to the heading but let me know if you have a better idea. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"the World Professional Billiards and Snooker Association's" link again.

Linked. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:57, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref col in tables should be unsortable (add class=unsortable to the col definition).

Done. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:57, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure of the utility of the No. column. We normally express multiple wins in the same tournament as (X) where X is the number of the win, in the Win/Lose col.

I've removed this as these are not long tables, but let me know if something needs adding back. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:57, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Score col sorts three different ways for me.

I've had a go at fixing this. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:57, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Surely if Scottish Professional Championship is notable enough to be listed in the wins table, it's notable enough for an article, or at least to be linked?

There are over 200 results for "Scottish professional billiards championship" in the British Newspaper archive, so I've redlinked it after adding "Billiards". I couldn't track down anything about Donaldson winning the Scottish professional snooker championship, other than non-specific references to him being the Scottish champion. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:57, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ISBNs should be consistently formatted.

Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Did refs 37 and 38 really have identical headlines?

Yes, but I got the page numbers wrong, so I've amended that. (Four other papers in the British Newspaper Archive used the same headline at the time.) BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 21:53, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Probably can add some kind of "people from Edinburgh" category.

added "Sportspeople from Edinburgh". BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:27, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

That's all I can see on a quick pass, so it's on hold for the moment. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 12:17, 8 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for the thorough and constructive review, The Rambling Man. Let me know what else needs to be done. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:21, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Nothing more for this process, the article easily surpasses the GA requirements, so I'm promoting, well done, a lovely article. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 08:09, 9 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]