Talk:Wahbi al-Hariri/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lemurbaby (talk · contribs) 12:33, 9 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Comments

I'll be doing a more complete copy edit and review shortly. Comments will be added below:

Please expand the lead to summarize the entire article's content. For an article of this length, the lead should be about 3 paragraphs in length.

Note - Sorry this is taking so long to review. I bit off more than I could chew with six simultaneous GA reviews. I will be getting to this one soon. Thanks for your patience. Lemurbaby (talk) 15:06, 21 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, starting the review now. I just completed an international move and have my internet set up at last. Lemurbaby (talk) 18:26, 10 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Please expand the lead to summarize the key content in the body of the article. For an article of this size, the lead should be three to four paragraphs of around 4-7 sentences each.
Please remove the references from the lead. They should only be included if the content they reference is somehow contentious, which doesn't appear to be the case here. Also remove the quotations and find a way to rephrase the content in your own words.
The photos generally need to be smaller. 200 pixels in width (the standard size) should be adequate in most if not all cases.
The captions of photos need to start with capital letters but only end in a punctuation mark if the sentence is a complete phrase.
There are instances where spaces are missing, like between words or between punctuation and the next word in a sentence.
I recommend a top to bottom copy edit for ideal use of punctuation in sentences and use of capitalization
The prose has a lot of one or two sentence "paragraphs" - these should be combined into others to form longer paragraphs or around 3-7 sentences each.
Remove subjective words like "remarkably", "vibrant" and "massive"
Check the MOS to verify whether to use 19th-century (with hyphen) or 19th century (without)
Copy edit the prose to clean up flow and word choice (example: "also maintained a vibrant studio which also grew to be an intellectual hub" - the word also is repeated)
His role as pioneer of the Nahda should be expanded as this seems really significant but is only given one sentence currently.
The current use of quotations breaks up the flow. I'd recommend better integrating them into the paragraphs and using text boxes off to the side for the longer ones.
under Paris and the Beaux Arts, the quote starting "his talent won him a scholarship..." should be paraphrased, especially since there is no citation or name of the source person provided.
You mention that his architectural work in the 1950s was influential. It would be good to have more details about how it "reconciled modern industrial designs with national forms", including a photo of one of his major works of the period, like maybe the Adnan al-Malki memorial.
Likewise, an example of his architect work in Saudi would be good to include.
There is a lot of overlinking in this article. Country names generally shouldn't be linked, but if you think you need to link them, then only link once on the first use. In general only link each term on the first use in the lead, image captions and sections of the article at most and preferably less if the term is familiar to most readers. Some terms are not strongly relevant enough to this article or obscure enough to need linking, like "Ph.D."
Exploring Arabia section: "exhibited at several American venues..." - state where these venues were located
Books on Saudi Arabia section: the sentence beginning "Many sites documented by the books..." needs a reference
"The Washington Times review of the book describes that..." rephrase for correct verb tense and flow
It's unclear when he drew the pictures of Washington DC. Can you fit this into the narrative at the appropriate point in the chronological flow and give this a separate paragraph? Similarly, in the Spiritual Edifices" section you say the exhibit included works he created in a variety of countries - but these travels and periods of creation are not mentioned in the body of the article. This needs to be significantly expanded previous to the exhibition section, in the appropriate point in his life's chronology.
In the "Spiritual Edifices..." section, there are too many unnecessary quotes that contain info that could just as soon be integrated into the prose in paraphrased form. Please do this wherever possible
Any quotes in the exhibits section that are specific commentary on the exhibitions can remain in this section. If the quotes relate to his importance and impact, they belong in the death and legacy section - please move quotes as appropriate.
The list of books he authored needs complete reference information for each one. Same for the books listed under the exhibition catalogue section. You should remove the bulleted locations of the exhibitions beneath the catalogues. If complete bibliographic info isn't available for one of these catalogues, you can put the name of the expo location in parenthesis after the title of the catalogue
In the references section, please remove all quoted material unless you are using it to back up content in the article that is very contentious. Otherwise, the content of the quotes in the reference section should be paraphrased in the body of the article rather than copied verbatim in the bottom of the article.

This concludes my review. Please let me know if you need me to clarify anything above. Excellent work on this influential Arab artist! It's so good to see quality articles on major figures outside the Anglophone "Western" world. Regards, Lemurbaby (talk) 18:26, 10 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]