Talk:Venezuela at the 1948 Summer Olympics/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:45, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Prephaps expand what León's diffculities were before he competed in the Olympics and the results he attained during the Games

"Venezuela was one of the fourteen nations that made their first official appearance at the Summer Olympics at the 1948 Summer Olympics." - try not to repeat the wording of Summer Olympics for a second time

"León's brother knew Sir Raymond Smith," - don't use titles such as Sir in these instances
"an attaché to the embassy, and as such got León" - better As such; also it would be better for this to begin a new sentence
"serving as a British Caribbean mail plane from Maiquetia Airport only two days later" - I recommend the word only be removed because it sounds somewhat editoralising
"took four hours; the flight from Bermuda to London took 36 hours" - maybe replaced the word in bold to lasted to avoid close reptition of the word "took"
"The group was accompanied by three journalists, but no members of the VOC." - don't use the word "but" per WP:EDITORIAL
"a call to Julio Bustamante, the president of the VOC at the time" - the words "at the time" should be deleted per MOS:REALTIME

"León tells the anecdote that nobody had thought to bring a Venezuelan flag, as they were unaware of Olympic customs and did not know there would be the pavilion, but an Argentine competitor that León knew from the South American circuit mentioned it to him." the third portion of this text should be a new sentence to avoid a run-on sentence.

"There was one competitor for Venezuela at the 1948 Olympics, 23-year-old Julio César León. León competed in two events" - try not to start a sentence after the end of another like this
"With resistance from the Venezuelan Olympic Committee" - should be VOC since the acronyms are used five times beforehand

"the winners would qualify, while the losers" - more formal: losing competitors

"in the first round, but then" - change the word "but" to before per MOS:EDITORIAL
"León lost his sprint race in the first round, but then continued to round 2 by beating" - better: continued to the second round by finishing ahead of
"he lost again and so was eliminated" - thus
"however, his time and the fact that he lost to the man who would eventually take gold" - an improvement his time and loss to the eventual gold medal winner
"He was ranked joint 9th," - ninth per MOS:NUMERICAL

"However, he says the London climate negatively affected him and so he underperformed" - He said the climate of London negatively affected him and caused him to underperform
"placing 14th of 21" - mention that there were 21 athletes and not have a number without any explanation

Reference 1 should have the date it was published and the author who wrote the article included
The title and publisher for reference 3 should not be written in entirely capital letters
Also the same sources page numbers for the information reference is incorrect and should be corrected
The title for reference 5 needs to be corrected because it contains odd characters that are not meant to be there

That is all of the nitpicks that were found in the review. On hold for the time being. MWright96 (talk) 14:39, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: I think I've covered everything you brought up, do you have more comments? Kingsif (talk) 16:41, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
- @Kingsif: Youl haven't added the author of the BBC Noticias source, which is stated below the title of the article. MWright96 (talk) 17:55, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  - @MWright96: Thanks, yes, added that now. Kingsif (talk) 18:47, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    - @Kingsif: Lovely. Am now promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 18:59, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
      - What a pleasant message - thanks very much! Kingsif (talk) 20:11, 23 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]