Lead should provide an accessible overview with Relative emphasis. The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article. Significant information should not appear in the lead if it is not covered in the body.
Check for Provide an accessible overview (MOS:INTRO): Done
Major Point 1: Taxonomy "Velodona togata is a species of octopus … distinctive membranes on its arms," (summarised well in the lead)
Major Point 2: Description "" (not in the lead)
Major Point 3: Reproduction "" (not in the lead)
Major Point 4: Habitat and distribution "the species is found in the Indian Ocean, mainly off the coast of South Africa, Mozambique, and Tanzania." (not a concise summary of the Habitat and distribution section, also the point "found in the Indian Ocean" does not appear in the body, although there is a hint in the Reproduction section "deep-sea octopods that inhabit the Southern Ocean")
Major Point 5: Status "" (not in the lead, a layout issue)
Check for Relative emphasis: Done
Major Point 1: Taxonomy "Velodona togata is a species of octopus … distinctive membranes on its arms," (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 2: Description "" (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 3: Reproduction "" (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 4: Habitat and distribution "the species is found in the Indian Ocean, mainly off the coast of South Africa, Mozambique, and Tanzania." (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 5: Status "" (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body, a layout issue)
b. Citation to reliable sources where necessary: excellent (Thorough check on Google & sources borrowed from the nominator. Cross-checked with other FAs. )
"darker brown" for the female.[6] (Check on source 6, successful, "Tile ventral surface is very much paler, though it shows a scattering of fine dull reddish chromatophores. The female specimen is darker brown in colour. In both sexes the anterior surface of the mantle is marked off from tile posterior by a more or less distinct ridge, as in Scceargus.")
"The arms bear dorsal and ventral membranes. The ventral margins are unusually large and extend to the tip of all arms. They are not restricted to the ventral surface but also extend to the dorsal margin of the neighboring ventral arms, where they again continue to the tip, but are more weakly developed.". … .[3] (Check on source 3, successful, p.375 last paragraph to p.376)
"The high proportion of immature females obtained in the survey (76%) and the low proportion of mature females (10%) could indicate that the spawning season is finishing at the beginning of the autumn. Moreover, the wide size range of the sampled population, with a considerable number of small individuals (possibly only a few days old), suggests the existence of an extended reproduction period.".[5] (Check on source 5, successful, "Biological data on V. togata are almost nonexistent. The highproportion of immature females obtained in the survey (76%) andthe low proportion of mature females (10%) could indicate that the spawning season is finishing at the beginning of the autumn. Moreover, the wide size range of the sampled population, with a considerable number of small individuals (possibly only a few days’old), suggests the existence of an extended reproduction period.")
"the possession of (a) a funnel organ composed of two separate pieces, (b) a sigmoid bend in the hectocotylized arm, and (c) the development of extensive lateral membranes on the arms". … [4] (Check on source 4, successful, "The following characters agree with those of Lycoteuthis :- (1) The presence of circnmanal and brancliinl light-oipns (2) the sliape of the funnel organ; (3) the presence of a valve in the funnel; (4) the general bodily shape ; (5) tlie generid shape of the gladius (text-fig. 3), in which the lateral area expands about half-way down the gladius, contracts and expands agtin at the extremity. In this form, however, the apical expansion is much broader than in Lycoteuthis. ('I Rnnlorganeu " and " ventralorganen ") ; (6) The buccal membrsne (cf. Pfeffer, 1912, pl. xiv. fig. 3).")
Check for Likely to be challenged: Done
Check for Contentious material about living persons (WP:BLP): NA
Hi there. Thanks for the review. I am not even going to try to respond to your comments inside of the collapse boxes; everything is too tightly packed in. I will respond below instead.
I have expanded the lead, and it should now include the main points from every section.
Regarding your concern about the use of "Indian Ocean", I don't see it as being an issue. The cited location for the species is "off the coast of South Africa, Mozambique, and Tanzania". These are all the southeast coast of Africa, and the body of water off the east of Africa is the Indian Ocean. It would be the same as saying "Off the coast of Boston, in the Atlantic Ocean" or "Off the coast of California, in the Pacific ocean". If you really have an issue with it, we can get rid of it, though.
MOS:PARAGRAPHS doesn't explicitly prohibit single sentence paragraphs, it says that that they should be minimized. The conservation section is, I feel, a place where it should be an accepted exception. Generally the conservation section would be longer; it would detail why the species has the assessment it has, any threats to the species that might put it at risk, and so on. In this case, the species has never been assessed for conservation status, and the scientific community simply doesn't know enough about it to have anything else to say on the matter. Single sentence paragraphs are something that I agree should be avoided, but in this case I don't see any better options. I suppose it could be merged into the bottom of the "Habitat and distribution" section, but it would still be a single sentance paragraph (just not a single sentence section).
I think that's all of your concerns. Please let me know your thoughts. Since we're in opposite time zones, you should feel free to make either of the changes in the second and third bullet points above yourself, if you feel it best to do so. I copy-edit the articles that I do GAN reviews for all the time, and rarely does anyone object. Sven ManguardWha?20:49, 24 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]