Talk:Valis: The Fantasm Soldier/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TarkusAB (talk · contribs) 10:17, 30 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Based. TarkusAB^talk/contrib 10:17, 30 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TarkusAB: OK, so after doing the article for Marvin's Marvellous Adventure, i'm free to do the corrections and/or fixes needed on this article. Roberth Martinez (talk) 15:57, 1 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@KGRAMR: OK I will be getting to this soon, this week. TarkusAB^talk/contrib 20:49, 2 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TarkusAB: Okay then. I'll be on the watch as soon as you begin the review proper. Roberth Martinez (talk) 21:55, 2 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Gameplay and premise

helping him try and put an end to the Valis warrior They mean to kill Yuko? I would be more direct here with what this means than "put an end to".

Done -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:40, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

and there are alternative firing modes. I'm not sure what this means. You only say the player can swing their sword, nothing about "firing" anything. (You did write "fire buttons" but I changed to just "buttons" because these were for jumping etc.)

Fixed this sentence, hopefully... -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:40, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Development

I think it's best to put the stuff about later being renamed to Namco Tales Studio (and that they are best known for their work with Tales) in a second sentence, after the first introducing Wolf Team. I would also mention that Tales did not start until 1995, and they weren't renamed until 2003. Wolf Team in 1986 has little to due with the Wolf Team of 2003 or the Tales franchise.

Fixed this sentence, hopefully... -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:19, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I want to make sure I understand. Hayashi and a subset of Telenet employees started developing Valis in secret for a magazine contest, and Telenet found out, but let development continue?

That's more or less what happened, according to Hayashi. Shoujo Furyou Densetsu (the original idea prior to Valis) was made as an entry for "Program Olympics". Telenet eventually found out about its existence but let production continue as their next release. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:19, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Explain/introduce what Final Zone Wolf is

I explained that Final Zone Wolf was a game Yamamoto was planning to make before being transferred to Valis. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:38, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Yamamoto also remembered telling a Telenet sales staffer... Are you saying Yamamoto told the Sales Dept. that they should be able to make large scrolling maps? Why would Yamamoto be telling Sales? Wouldn't it be the other way around?

Fixed this sentence, hopefully... -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:38, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

You don't need to mention the fact that Hayashi and Yamamoto are recalling the past at the end of the first paragraph, or attribute recollections throughout the section. For example, instead of saying "Hayashi revealed that the project was made as an entry...", you can simply say "The project was made as an entry..." unless you have a reason to give the attribution, like you doubt the veracity of the claim, or it conflicts with something someone else said or known facts.

I made the fixed pointed out and other fixes... Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:38, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Release

Why do you call Riot an "internal gaming division"? Was Telenet Japan composed of other, non-game-related divisions? If you need to distinguish, I would write "another internal game development division", because "gaming" to me implies gambling/pachinko in this context.

Done -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:48, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The original MSX and PC-88 versions, as well as the Genesis and PC Engine Super CD-ROM remakes, were first re-released in digital form for Microsoft Windows through D4 Enterprise's Project EGG service and the i-Revo store front respectively. This is a little confusing to combine all in one sentence. I would split the remakes into their own sentence.

Fixed these sentences, hopefully... -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:48, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I thought you were using "respectively" to distinguish the remakes as on the i-Revo store. Now I'm confused what the "respectively" is here for. For the MSX and PC-88 digital versions, which store fronts was each released on? TarkusAB^talk/contrib 00:43, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

I think you can paraphrase the Derboo quote for the MSX version. It is quite long.

Done -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 02:14, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

In the PC Engine section, you mention TurboGrafx without any introduction. Maybe add a footnote that explains the TurboGrafx was the western version of the PC Engine.

Done -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 02:14, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I don't get the quote about the panties. Seems like a joke. Did he not give a more legitimate reason why he placed it on his top ten list?

I removed that quote and just lef the sentence as is. Roberth Martinez (talk) 02:14, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Try and paraphrase the PC Engine Derboo quote. Except the part that reads "It's still a bit too derivative and pedestrian to be counted among the genre greats like Castlevania and Ninja Gaiden" is nice and I would keep that.

Done -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 02:14, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

OK, that's all for now. Let me know when finished making changes, and I will take another look, and also will look at the lead next time. One thing I would do with the lead is push the mention of the ports/versions down to the second or third paragraph. There's so many versions, that the first several lines are just about different versions before actually explaining what the game is about. Just open up with the original platforms for 1986, then explain what the game is about. TarkusAB^talk/contrib 01:10, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TarkusAB:I'm done with the stuff you pointed out. Tomorrow i'll get around the lead section... Roberth Martinez (talk) 02:14, 10 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TarkusAB:OK so, i went ahead a reworked the lead section. Tell me, what else is needed to be reworked? Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:22, 11 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@KGRAMR: You write that a Telenet superior came in complaining about the graphics, then the project was discontinued.

Was the project discontinued because of this issue with the graphics? Were there any other factors?

Corrected this part -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:18, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Was the superior the one who canceled the project, or was it a company decision?

In all honesty, i do not know Japanese so i had to rely on Google translate for Hayashi's comment in this regard. -- Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:18, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Ikegame later quit his job at Telenet. How later? if pretty soon after because of this game, omit 'later', but if his quitting was much later and unrelated to this project, then omit this entirely.

Reading the translated interview with Yamamoto by shmuplations, i understand that Ikegame quit Telenet afterwards. But i made a comprimise with the sentence... Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:18, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Also, see my comment above about the Release section.

I managed to clafiry this part: The MSX version was first re-released via Project Egg and the i-revo store front. I separated the PC-88 part into its own sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

TarkusAB^talk/contrib 01:03, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TarkusAB:I addressed all the points that needed to be done as i could. Is there anything else left to be done? Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@KGRAMR: I fixed up the piece about the game being "discontinued". The source says no such thing. Hayashi was given control and steered the game into a new direction. Other than that, I think it's good now. The article is very well-researched, comprehensive, and so on. I can tell that it took a lot of time and effort to get it to this point. It's been a while since I closely read one of the articles you wrote, but your writing and grammar has greatly improved since last time, seriously! So I am happy to award it the GA stamp.

TarkusAB^talk/contrib 18:01, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TarkusAB:Thanks for the comment and for reviewing the article! I was interested in Valis for quite some time after watching an old retrospective that's no longer available on YouTube, which got me interested in the series. I wasn't expecting much to find in regards to Valis I but i ultimately dug up a lot info from magazines and other sources. Roberth Martinez (talk) 18:30, 13 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]