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Talk:Up in the Air (2009 film)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: —Andrewstalk 06:00, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Plot
Theme
  • Blockquotes need neither italics nor quotation marks.
  • The second blockquote is very short, so should probably be adapted into prose or paraphrased
Production
  • "who used some elements from Turner's script...incorporating some of the elements from the Griffins' script" - repetitive
  • "Approximately 4,600 people applied to be an extra in the film" - 'an extra' sounds like there was only one extra position
  • "They received a startling amount of responses with 100 responses; 60 people on camera" - gramatically incorrect. Try 'They received a startling amount of responses with 100 responses, including 60 people on camera'
  • "Producers set up a St. Louis, Missouri production office January 5, 2009" - on Jan 5
  • "He flew home every weekend to work with her for a few hours on Saturdays or Sundays. That was the only way they were able to stay on schedule" - merge the two sentences
  • I am a bit concerned about close paraphrasing. Source: "We only had a 16- or 17-week post schedule; the normal post schedule is anywhere from 22 to 26 weeks" vs article: "The editing team only had a 16 or 17 week post schedule, whereas the normal post schedule is anywhere from 22 to 26 weeks".
    • This hasn't been addressed
Soundtrack
  • Introduce the soundtrack. Rather than jumping straight into "Up in the Air was composed by Rolfe Kent...", start with 'A self-titled soundtrack album was released by [label] on [date] to accompany the film.'
  • The track listing probably isn't needed here; being on the soundtrack article is sufficient
Release
  • Jason Reitman - scrap first name
  • "He indicated that he could relate to the lead character, Ryan Bingham's, life style, and he enjoys it himself." - rewrite
  • "After three days it expanded to 72 theaters and took in $2,394,344—$33,255 per theater, during the second weekend." - while technically correct, the two numbers and em dash look like a range. Rewrite
  • Rewrite 'No.' → number
  • Ref 119 (David Germain) is no longer available
  • Why is Lithuania so notable to mention here?
  • Include the home media sales data
  • Fill in the {{Film ratings}} box
  • "Reviews have been generally positive." - already stated at the beginning of the paragraph
  • When you change the case of a letter in a quote, you do not need to indicate this in square brackets. I changed it in the article, but just letting you know for future use
  • Instead of including the "4 out of 5 stars" part of the quote, paraphrase (ie Tomlinson awarded 'Up in the Air four out of five stars) [note the WP:ORDINAL here too]

On hold for now. —Andrewstalk 08:36, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I've implemented all suggested changes here, apart from your comment about Lithuania... Lithuania is notable because it's the place it finished its worldwide run. Thanks very much for the review. That Ole Cheesy Dude (Talk to the hand!) 10:07, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The source does not state that Lithuania was where the film was last screened. —Andrewstalk 10:25, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Added one. TY. That Ole Cheesy Dude (Talk to the hand!) 11:16, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The fact that the Lithuanian stats are most up-to-date does not mean that it was screen last in Lithuania. I suggest you just remove this info and rewrite ' Up in the Air grossed $83,823,381 in the U.S., received worldwide gross takings of $163,220,494.' —Andrewstalk 11:26, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I reckon I've finished for now, if there's anything else just let me know. Cheers. That Ole Cheesy Dude (Talk to the hand!) 12:45, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Nice work. Passing. Congratulations and keep up the good work. —Andrewstalk 20:32, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. You're a very thorough reviewer. In the long run (if you continue), that's going to make a big difference to the articles you choose to review. Thanks again. That Ole Cheesy Dude (Talk to the hand!) 20:40, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
That Ole Cheesy Dude, you did a great job in updating the article to meet GA standards. Andrew, your review was thorough and accurate. I also appreciate your edits. I wish to thank you both for your time and effort. --Dan Dassow (talk) 21:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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