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Talk:Ulla Salzgeber/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Montanabw (talk · contribs) 19:17, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Montanabw

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I will review this article and shall be back with comments soon. Montanabw(talk) 19:17, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]


GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Comments

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  • Images check out fine. Personally, I think the image of the horse and rider should go on the left so they are looking "into" the article, and also so they aren't sitting at the bottom of the infobox but that's just a style issue outside GAN criteria. Your call. Montanabw(talk) 19:21, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Nitpicks:
  1. Blonhofen is redlinked, perhaps either find the nearest place to link to, or otherwise give us some notion of where this is.
    It's in Bavaria, added. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Frustrating, it appears to be a village or suburb of Kaltental in Ostallgäu, but the maps are weird and vague... even de.wiki has no direct article, just a longer one on Kaltental that mentions Blonhofen. This might have to sit as is, but if you are OK wikilinking to Kaltental, I won't object. Frustrating it's not a very good article to link to, though. Montanabw(talk) 06:30, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  2. " she was the European Team Champion of Young Riders" --awkward wording, may want to rephrase. (Sounds like a German translation)
    It's the exact wording the source uses, see here. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    It's a babelfish translation. See http://www.trot-online.co.uk/Ulla-Salzgeber-Dressage-Trainer I think it's "Young Riders European Championships" Also note that article mentions some of her early influences and her training philosophy. Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Changed. I've seen that source, and if definitely includes some good information, but I don't think it can be considered a reliable source. No editorial policy that I can find, no idea of who wrote the information, etc. Dana boomer (talk) 17:02, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  3. "riding a horse named Rusty both times" - Rusty probably has a more official name and a breed designation. If he doesn't, (i.e. if he was a grade horse or something) that is remarkable and also should be noted. Can you find this out? Also, per " testosterone propionate" - was he a stallion or a gelding?
    Latvian gelding, with nothing more than a number after his name. Now added a bit on him. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Excellent, the cloning bit was a good find! Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  4. signature pirouettes and to date still best one-tempi changes" -- may want to link to wikipedia articles on these -- see Pirouette (dressage), and tempi doesn't have it's own, but see Lead (leg)#Tempi_changes
    Linked. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  5. "In the role, Salzgeber holds training camps," this was 2005, but it appears she is not in Austria any more? Clarify and if needed, fix tense?
    Australia... And yes, she's moved on, so have changed to past tense. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  6. "Exceptions were not made for her ..." Passive voice, prefer more active sentence. Neutrality is handled well, but OK to call it as you see it too.  ;-)
    Changed to "She was not allowed to..." Better? Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes. Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  7. IMHO, and not a GAN-killer, but I find the career subsections awkward, jumping from the Olympics, back to the 1990's, but mentioning the Olympics, then going to the present, but then the "training" subsection (which probably should be titled "coaching" as it is mostly riders, not horses?) bounces back to 2005. Personally, and this is just me, I'd be more comfortable with a chronological organization, possibly with the Olympic stuff in the middle, where it seems to occur chronologically (more or less), if it must have a subsection. The whole article is short enough that the career section doesn't have to have subsections.
    Now in chronological order. I tend to make this split with riders who have been at a dozen competitions on half a dozen different horses, because it's easier to create a narrative moving from one Olympics/WEG to the next. In this case, however, since she was on one horse and only at a few events, it is easier to have it be chronological. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    It's much better now, thanks. Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  8. Instead of linking to "doping," consider linking to Equine drug testing, (which needs work, but....)
    Changed link. It was actually to doping in sport, but edt works, too. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  9. Do we have any idea what kinds of injuries plagued Herzruf's Erbe?
    The 2009 injury was the major one, which left him three-legged lame, and I've now expanded on this. A source from 2013 mentions "niggling injuries" and "recurring issues", but I can't find anything more specific about if it is still problems from the 2009 injury or if he's had additional problems. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Good enough; owners are trainers are often hush-hush about this sort of thing. Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  10. References: Do any of the articles cited have named authors? Eurodressage is a RS, as are the others, but possibly consider listing author as "staff" or "press release" if there is no named author so it doesn't appear to be an inadvertent omission?
    None of them have listed authors, and I'd prefer not to put staff or press release, since the articles themselves don't say this. I know who runs to Eurodressage website, but I don't know if they write all of the articles. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Could be an issue at FAC, but not here. Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  11. NEW: Noticed in reviewing sources that the musical kur bit could be refined; the way you phrase it in the article suggests it was only done once, which had me scratching my head how music that stopped became a signature piece. However, the source says: "Rusty's Carmina Burana freestyle was never changed and this music became tightly linked to the hors..." I'd add a wee bit to explain that he did the same routine over and over, the way you have the chronology worded, it sounds like the single performance was the "signature" one....
    I've done some tweaking with the prose in this spot...has it helped? Dana boomer (talk) 17:02, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    Definitely better, I made some further fiddles too. I'll pass this as a GA, and you can always tweak things more later. Montanabw(talk) 06:55, 6 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC) All for now, more to come. Montanabw(talk) 19:36, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I think I've addressed everything above. Dana boomer (talk) 02:22, 3 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Just one old thing left and a new note. See above. Montanabw(talk) 06:18, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Replied. Thanks! Dana boomer (talk) 17:02, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I'm good to go and will pass this to GA. Montanabw(talk) 06:55, 6 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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