Talk:USS West Virginia (BB-48)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Parsecboy (talk · contribs) 17:56, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
Same issues as the rest of these articles you've done - the DANFS text needs to completely rewritten.
Don't see any close paraphasing.--Tomandjerry211 (alt) (talk) 10:50, 21 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"As the newest super-dreadnought, she was the product of state-of-the-art naval architecture. New features included a watertight, compartmentalized hull and the scale of her armor. This was an advance in the design of battleships built, or on the drawing boards before, the Battle of Jutland." - far too close to the DANFS version:

"The most recent of the "super-dreadnoughts," West Virginia embodied the latest knowledge of naval architecture; the water-tight compartmentation of her hull and her armor protection marked an advance over the design of battleships built or on the drawing boards before the Battle of Jutland."

And in the next paragraph, compare this: "After brief work at the New York Navy Yard the ship sailed to Hampton Roads, experiencing trouble with her steering gear." with this: After a brief period of work at the New York Navy Yard, the ship made the passage to Hampton Roads, although experiencing trouble with her steering gear while en route." - changing a few words here and there is not sufficient to avoid close paraphrasing. Look at the scale of rewriting I had to do with USS Wyoming (BB-32). That's what you should be doing with these articles. Parsecboy (talk) 12:00, 21 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I've fixed the examples of close paraphasing you provided and fixed a few more.--Tomandjerry211 (alt) (talk) 12:21, 26 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
There are still issues (and I'm choosing these paragraphs at random):
"Part of the Japanese fleet, four carriers and two hybrid battleship-carriers (Ise and Hyūga), sailed toward the Philippine Sea. A small surface force under Admiral Kiyohide Shima headed for the Sulu Sea; two striking forces consisting of battleships, cruisers and destroyers left Lingga Roads, Sumatra, before separating north of Borneo. The larger group, commanded by Admiral Takeo Kurita, passed north of the island of Palawan to cross the Sibuyan Sea."

Is almost word-for-word from the relevant DANFS text:
"Four carriers and two "hermaphrodite" battleship-carriers (Ise and Hyuga) sailed toward the Philippine Sea from Japanese home waters; a small surface force under Admiral Shima headed for the Sulu Sea; two striking forces consisting of battleships, cruisers, and destroyers sortied from Lingga Roads, Sumatra, before separating north of Borneo. The larger of those two groups, commanded by Admiral Kurita, passed north of the island of Palawan to transit the Sibuyan Sea."

The following paragraph in this article has the same problem. Parsecboy (talk) 20:06, 14 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Fail it and I'll fix the issues later.--Tomandjerry211 (alt) (talk) 21:20, 19 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Several duplicate links need to be fixed. Done

Numerous other ships are mentioned but not identified by ship type Done

Hide the hull number dabs on ship links Done
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
This appears to be a copy of DANFS - just cite DANFS, not a mirror Done

What makes usswestvirginia.org a reliable source? Done

Other sources, Rohwer, Nofi, etc. should be consulted. Done

American Book Publishers looks to be a vanity press. Same for West Virginia Press Club. Done

Macintyre, Donald, CAPT RN (September 1967). "Shipborne Radar". United States Naval Institute Proceedings - need full citation details Done

U.S. Navy (1945). USS West Virginia Deck Logs. Washington D.C.: War Department. - primary sources are to be avoided Done
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
File:Uss west virginia bb.jpg - dead source link Done

File:USS West Virginia (BB-48) 1944 7.jpg - dead source link Done

File:USS Artisan ABSD-1 04.jpg - ditto Done
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Failing per nominator's withdrawal request above. Parsecboy (talk) 18:25, 21 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]