Talk:USS Shamrock Bay/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Neopeius (talk · contribs) 19:44, 29 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Stikkyy for nominating this article for WP:GA. I will start this review shortly. --Neopeius (talk) 19:44, 29 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria

The six good article criteria:

Well written

the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct; and

it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout etc.

--Layout is fine. Text review follows:

Design and description

"Shamrock Bay was a Casablanca-class escort carrier, the most numerous type of aircraft carriers ever built,[2] and was designed specifically to be mass-produced using prefabricated sections, in order to replace heavy early war losses"

Current construction is confusing, suggesting Shamrock Bay was specifically designed to be mass produeced. Suggest "Shamrock Bay was a Casablanca-class escort carrier, which were designed to be mass-produced using prefabricated sections in order to replace heavy early war losses, and which remain the most numerous type of aircraft carriers ever built." (this reordering may necessitate moving citations around)

Eh, can't it be both? I've reworded it a bit.

Construction

"Her construction was awarded"

"Shamrock Bay's construction was awarded"

"The escort carrier was laid down"

"She was laid down"

"under the name Shamrock Bay, as part of a tradition"

delete comma; "as part of the tradition"

"She was laid down as MC hull 1121, the thirtieth of a series of fifty Casablanca-class escort carriers. She therefore received the classification symbol CVE-84, indicating that she was the eighty-fourth escort carrier to be commissioned into the United States Navy."

Suggest "The thirtieth of a series of fifty Casablanca-class escort carriers. Shamrock Bay was laid down as MC hull 1121 before receiving the classification symbol CVE-84, indicating that she was the eighty-fourth escort carrier to be commissioned into the United States Navy.

"She was launched on 4 February 1944; sponsored by Mrs. James R. Dudley; transferred to the Navy and commissioned on 15 March 1944, with Captain Frank Trenwith Ward Jr. in command."

Suggest "She was launched on 4 February 1944, sponsored by Mrs. James R. Dudley, and then transferred to the Navy for commissioning on 15 March 1944, with Captain Frank Trenwith Ward Jr. in command." (the semicolons are unnecessary)

Service history

"Army Air Corps P-47D variant Thunderbolt fighters are photographed packed into the hangar deck of Shamrock Bay during a transport run in the Atlantic Ocean sometime in July 1944. Note the basketball hoop to the top-left of the image, and the movie screen in the center background."

"at" rather than "to"; delete comma

"Shamrock Bay passed through the Panama Canal on 18 November, and proceeding northwards, she touched San Diego, California on 27 November."

Do you mean "docked at"?

"There, on 2 December, she embarked Composite Squadron (VC) 93~~, which was also bound for Pearl Harbor.~~

Delete (redundant)

"On 31 December, the American fleet departed from Seeadler Harbor, with the escort carriers being placed in Task Group 77.4, under the command of Rear Admiral Calvin T. Durgin Shamrock Bay and her sister"

add comma after "Durgin"

"~~Towards~~ the latter half the transit"

Replace "Towards" with "During"

"On 4 January~~, for example,~~ her sister"

Delete ", for example,"

"Eight fighters from Kitkun Bay and four fighters from Shamrock Bay were scrambled to meet this threat, and ~~albeit~~ half of the fighters missed their target"

I'd use "although" instead of "albeit", which tends to be an auxiliary adjective.

"However, two kamikazes were able to pass through the screen unmolested, ~~and thus made~~ their way"

"making" instead

"the two planes began making their dives, and were met"

delete comma

"smashing into the latter's port at the waterline at a high velocity, ~~and~~ inflicting severe damage."

delete "and"

"~~asides~~ from providing an air screen against kamikazes"

"aside"

"and upon arriving, ~~asides from taking~~ on munitions and supplies, her aircraft contingent "

replace with "she took on"; add "and" before "her"

"Following the end of the war,"

I'd make this a separate section called "Post-war operations and end of service"

"Upon returning, she then joined the "Magic Carpet" fleet,"

Link Operation Magic Carpet again (it's way up in the lede without context)

Verifiable

it contains a list of all references, presented in accordance with the layout style guideline;

all inline citations are from reliable sources;

it contains no original research; and

it contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism.

--So far as I can tell (only one source is online).

Broad in its coverage

it addresses the main aspects of the topic; and

it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail.

--Very nicely done.

Neutral

it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to different points of view.

--Yes.

Stable

it does not change significantly from day to day because of any ongoing edit war or content dispute.

--Good.

Illustrated

images are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content; and

Picture link for USS_Shamrock_Bay_(CVE-84)_underway_off_Okinawa_1945.jpeg is broken

Fixed it, turns out the image wasn't that of Shamrock Bay in the first place. Figures.

Picture link for USS_Shamrock_Bay_(CVE-84)_underway_on_11_November_1944_Starboard_Shot.jpg goes to wrong photo (the one for USS_Shamrock_Bay_(CVE-84)_underway_on_11_November_1944_Birds_Eye, which goes to the right one)

Picture link for Rockets_being_loaded_onto_a_TBM-3_Avenger_torpedo_bomber_in_support_of_the_Battle_of_Okinawa_onboard_the_USS_Shamrock_Bay_(CVE-84).jpg goes to wrong photo.

Picture link for USS_Shamrock_Bay_(CVE-84)_and_USS_Ranger_(CV-4)_at_Naval_Air_Station_North_Island,_in_August_1945_(2017.27.01).jpg is broken.

images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.

--Images and captions are great.

@Stikkyy: I have completed my GA review. Just a few prose issues and some photo links to be fixed. Nicely done! --Neopeius (talk) 23:44, 29 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Neopeius: I've addressed your points. Stikkyy t/c 08:07, 31 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Stikkyy: Pass. Congratulations! :) For the future, it would be easier on the reviewer (and ensure completeness of corrections) if you did a line by line acknowledgement of corrections made. Otherwise one has to go through and make sure they were done.

I am happy to review any other articles you want reviewed! Just let me know. :) Happy new year! --Neopeius (talk) 18:01, 31 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Stikkyy: In case you missed this, your article has been promoted. :) --Neopeius (talk) 02:27, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Neopeius: Yeah, I'm aware. Stikkyy t/c 05:12, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]