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Talk:USS Dictator/GA1

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 02:16, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]


I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 02:16, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • No DABs, eternal links OK.
  • image appropriately licensed
  • single-turreted ironclad monitor, designed to be a high speed open sea monitor rephrase, too many uses of "monitor" in close conjunction

 Done

  • high speed open sea monitor Hyphenate high-speed and open-sea and put a comma between the compound adjectives.
Not done, due to adjustment made to sentence.
  • Link sister ship, hurricane deck, funnel, launched, laid down, commissioned

 Done

  • The lede does not satisfy WP:Lede as it is not a summary of the article.
  • The description paragraph is unsatisfactory; it should cover all of the descriptive information in the infobox.
  • See USS Canonicus (1863) for an example on how to write a US ironclad article.
  • The sources given in the article cannot provide a good technical description; find some of the sources used in the description of the Canonicus and they will give you enough info to properly cover Dictator.
  • The article needs a major rework; I'll put this on hold until you have a chance to do that.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 21:39, 15 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Take as long as you need, I'm not in any rush.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 21:43, 15 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • USS Dictator was a single-turreted ironclad monitor, designed for speed, and to be able to sail on the open sea. Delete the clause: "to be able"
  •  Done
  • Standardize of either she or it, preferably the former, when referring to the ship.
     Done
  • There's no info in the main body about the renaming
  •  Done
  • There's also no info about the design problems that limited her speed.
    The source doesn't mention it specifically, (or at least I missed it twice). Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 00:04, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • After her final decommissioning in 1877, she was sold to A. Purvis & Son for 40,250 dollars. This implies that she was sold in 1877. The buyer and the price don't belong in the lede, as that's just replicating the info in the main body. This sentence should just say that after decommissioning (which needs to be linked, BTW) in 1877, she was sold in 1883.
  •  Done
  • The Dictator was built to be 312 ft (95 m) long, 50 ft (15 m) wide, 20 ft 6 in (6.25 m) deep. The ship wasn't built to be; she was x long, etc. Add an "and", not a comma when giving the last measurement. What do you mean by deep, draft? The figure given doesn't match that in the infobox. And when converting from feet to meters, it's best to add |1 to the conversion template as meters are significantly bigger than feet and will almost always have a fractional value.
    I have fixed the draft issue. Unless I'm missing something both body and infobox say 20 ft 6 in. I've added in the |1's. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 00:04, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • She weighed Ships don't weigh; they [[Displacement (ship)|displaced]]
  •  Done
  • 15 in (1.3 ft) Dahlgren smoothbore guns Don't convert from inches to feet and link Dahlgren gun and smoothbore gun. Just because one of those terms is linked in the infobox doesn't mean that it shouldn't be linked in the main body.
  •  Done
  • She bigger than the a normal monitor made for coastal battles, and had less overhang. Awkward and you don't explain overhang.
  •  Done
  • The Dictator's design had a tall funnel and tall ventilation shaft; it is thought that there was a light hurricane deck amidships. Badly phrased. The ship had a tall funnel, etc.
  •  Done
  • More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 20:38, 5 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've addressed all that I could. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 00:04, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Sturmvogel 66:, sorry forgot to ping you. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 23:20, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link draft, Dahlgren gun, smoothbore, vibrating-lever engine, bearings

 Done

  • Convert 15 inches on first use (only), 16 inches, (what type of) horsepower, pilot house
  •  Done
    • Not entirely. If you're going to spell out 15-inch gun, you need to add |adj=on to the template as it's a compound adjective. And only convert a measurement on first use. Missed 16 inches. Shaft horsepower is the wrong type, look in the infobox for the proper one. And you've got an extra horsepower in there.
      •  Done
  • I renamed design para as it was really more of a description of the ship than anything else. It doesn't flow well as you've interspersed related facts throughout the para. Forex, speed, engine type, coal capacity, etc. are all related, but speed is at the beginning and the rest of the stuff is much later.
  • She larger most monitors, and had less overhang (overhang is the the area of the fore or aft that hangs over water). She had a tall funnel ventilation shaft. Some words missing in these and the definition of overhang is incomplete. Less overhang than what? It's OK to drop that bit if you can't explain it better as it's a pretty esoteric point.

 Done

  • You still have one "was built to have"

 Done

@Sturmvogel 66: Done. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 22:18, 7 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Sturmvogel 66: Believe I have fixed the issues. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 05:36, 8 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ok, now we're getting somewhere!
  • Using "she" or "Dictator" in close sequence is boring. I'd suggest rotating "she", "the ship" and her name in succession. This applies throughout the description para and to the beginning of the service history para.
    • Not done.
  • Move the crew numbers back to the description
    • Not done.
  • Although originally to be called Protector, on 1 April 1862, John Ericsson proposed to Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Gustavus Fox, for her to be called Dictator "a name which I respectfully request for the new Ocean Monarch. Awkward.

 Done

  • Dictator was laid down on 16 August 1862. Dictator was launched 26 December 1863 by Delamater Iron Works, New York, New York, under contract with John Ericsson. Combine these two sentences with the format: X laid down by Delamater at their shipyard in NY on D under contract to E and launched on Y

 Done

  • Link powerplant, out of commission, in ordinary

 Done

  • Make sure that the titles of all of your books are in title case.

 Done

  • Fuller & 2014 1, p. 45. What are the ampersand and the number 1 for here?
     Done It appears that I accidentally put |1 in to the ref when I was doing the convert templates, which confused the template. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 14:47, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Consolidate cites 2 and 4

 Done

  • What's the Fuller Article?
 Done Name is fixed, the PDF itself is called that, I have changed it to a better name. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 14:47, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
No, the article's name is “A portentous spectacle”: The Monitor U.S.S. Miantonomoh Visits England and it's published in the International Journal of Naval History. Use the cite journal template, not the cite web template for this article. And change the format for the citation to Fuller year, p. X to match the other citations.
OK, almost done. Add a page range for the entire article for the sources. And change the format of the cite to Fuller 2005, p. x using the exact pages to source the statement. You need to be consistent in your citation format. Right now the Fuller article uses the name, while all other refs use author if available.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 18:34, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Sturmvogel 66: I've switched the Fuller article to harv reference.Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:04, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Not sure why you bothered, but whatever. Now move the full page range to the sources section and replace it in the cite with whatever page covers renaming the ship.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:13, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Sturmvogel 66: Done. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 22:21, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • What makes the New Market Historical Society and globalsecurity.org reliable sources?
 Done New Market society has been mentioned by a few news orgs and is a non-profit, so I consider them reliable in lieu of evidence against them. I've removed global security.
You're not understanding my point, the text in New Market is redundant to DANFS, but the pictures make it worth saving. So move the link to the external links section and replace the cite with one to Mooney and DANFS.
 Done
  • If you're not going to actually use a website as a source then move it to a new external links section.

 Done

    • Nope, not done. Move New Market like I said earlier, delete hazegray entirely since it's a verbatim copy of DANFS, and move navsource to the external links section. Website section should solely consist of New Market and Fuller's article

 Done

 Done

    • No, you totally ignored this!

 Done

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