Talk:Typhoon Kelly/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contribs) 05:41, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Although thunderstorm activity was initially displaced from the center, gradual development occurred nevertheless." - "Although" negates what follows, so no need for "nevertheless."
- Sure. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"The disturbance became a tropical depression on October 9, and a tropical storm the next day." - No comma.
- Yeah, good call. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"While moving generally north-northwest in the general direction of Japan," - Generally general is generally repetitive.
- Also, good call. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Typhoon Kelly reached its maximum intensity on October 15" - Noting it would be nice.
- From whom though? I've always avoided the double agency thing in the lead for this reason, at least prior to when the JMA became a RMSC. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"By October 17, Kelly finished its transition into an extratropical cyclone." - Completed sounds more encyclopedia.
- Sure. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Following multiple outbreaks of tropical cyclone activity across the Western Pacific basin in September 1987," - We don't really have a definition for what constitutes an outbreak. I'd reword this.
- Given that I've actually seen it used in JTWC ATCR's and the term seems fairly self-explinatory, I don't see a huge problem in it. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"The next day, satellite imagery indicated that a low pressure area embedded in the monsoon trough developed 350 km (215 mi) south of Yap." - Low pressure needs a hyphen.
- Never been told to do this before, but ok. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"although the center remained exposed on satellite imagery." - You already said convection was displaced, axe this.
- Lmao at the old wording. I literally said it was displaced in the same sentence. Anyhow, fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Around this time, the Japan Meteorological Agency (JMA) started keeping an eye on the system." - ...No. Reword this. And switch the order of the note and ref (there are a few other instances of this throughout the article, so fix those as well).
- I forgot the "2" in the JMA meant TD, fixed. But why change the note? I've always done the ref followed by the note. Do you know something I don't? :P Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"although post-season analysis from the JTWC indicated that this occurred six hours earlier than operationally estimated." - These are routine changes that sometimes have nothing other to do than the times used (0/6/12/18 vs. 3/9/15/21 UTC). Is this needed?
- Yes, given that is a category change, I don't see including it as particularly problematic. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"At 12:00 UTC on October 12, the JMA followed suit" - Reword so it's not the same as the above bullet.
- Ok. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Twelve hours later, the JMA raised the intensity to 135 km/h (85 mph), its peak intensity, that according to the JMA, would maintain for 72 hours." - We're just noting a bunch of designations in this paragraph. Take out the sentence about 72 hours and replace it with why JMA assessed 75kt, and something about the storm's structure (did it have an eye on infrared, etc.?)
- That info isn't available from the JTWC ATCR yet alone the JMA which merely lists a best track database. With that said, the sentence does imply the JMA maintained its own intensity for three days, so I split up the sentence. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"The storm's forwards motion started to decreased" - Started to decreased.
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"and on October 15, the typhoon turned to the north-northwest, despite being forecast to re-cruve out to sea in response to a trough located over the Yellow Sea." - Remove the comma after north-northwest. Also, "re-cruve."
- Fixed and fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"On October 16, Kelly began to lose tropical characteristics and transition into an extratropical cyclone." - Transition should be past tense.
- I could go either way here, but sure, fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Later that day, the storm passed over Shikoku[1] and then made landfall near Kobe[8] while maintaining typhoon intensity." - Adding refs outside of punctuation is generally discouraged.
- I know this ticks you off, but I have to pick my battles, so I'll change it this time around. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"The JMA did the same six hours later" - Find something better than "did the same."
- I use it as a synonym for "followed suit", but ok. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Four people died when landslides swept their homes in the prefecture of Tottori." --> Four people died in the prefecture of Tottori when landslides swept away their homes.
- Sure. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Three other people were killed in Kagawa Prefecture, located on the island of Shikoku, because of high winds." - Ok, but how?
- Better? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Nine people were killed and seventeen people were wounded" - 4+3 = 7. Where are the other 2 deaths?
- Idk. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]

That's about it. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contributions) 05:41, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 06:52, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]