Talk:Typhoon Bess (1974)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contribs) 01:11, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, guy-that-never-vists-us-on-chat-anymore. I'll be reviewing this article. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:11, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Typhoon Bess (also known as Typhoon Susang in the Philippines) was responsible for the disappearance of a United States Air Force weather reconnaissance aircraft." - This is an interesting fact, but is it really the highlight of the storm?
- I saw this as the most interesting aspect of the storm and therefore the best option for an opening sentence. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Developing out of a poorly organized system on October 8 to the east of the Philippines, Bess initially featured two centers of circulation. Initially, the southern low was monitored; however, a low to the north soon became the dominant center." - Redundancy with the word "initially".
- Removed the first usage Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Tracking general west-northwestward, the storm gradually intensified." - General should be generally. Since it's used, though, is gradually needed? Seems to make the short sentence wordy.
- It's to account for the northwest motion shown since the overall movement was generally west-northwestward :P Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The storm struck northern Luzon on October 11 as a minimal typhoon and briefly weakened once onshore." - Storm to system? cyclone? "Storm" is used in the preceding sentence which makes it a bit redundant.
- Reworded Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"On October 6, 1974, the Joint Typhoon Warning Center (JTWC) began monitoring a tropical disturbance several hundred miles southeast of Guam." - (JTWC) should be on the outside of the wikilink.
- I've been told to put in inside the wikilink lately per MOS...you all need to make up your minds. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Early on October 9, an aircraft reconnaissance mission into the newly named Bess revealed that a new dominant center of circulation had developed to the north of the original low." - Newly and new makes new redundancy.
- Removed the first usage Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Maintaining a west-northwesterly track, favorable outflow, especially to the southwest, allowed Bess to strengthen." - You're the college student and I'm the high school student, but I thought strengthening wasn't a result of favorable outflow. I thought the outflow was a result of a favorable environment, which tends to allow a cyclone to strengthen.
- I derped here... Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Due to the cyclone's proximity to the country, the Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration also monitored the storm and assigned it with the local name Susang." - No abbreviation ([PAGASA])?!
- No need for the abbreviation since it's only used once. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Much of the peninsula received 130 to 150 mm (5 to 6 in) of rain, with a 24 hour maxima of 782.3 mm (30.8 in) reported in Baguio." - Seems like a big jump to use such simple wording. Suggestion, maybe: "While much of the peninsula received 130 to 150 mm (5 to 6 in) of rain, a 24 hour maxima of 782.3 mm (30.8 in) was recorded in Baguio [as a result of...?!]."
- Tweaked. No further explanation on the total (referring to that as a result of bit). Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Sea water leaked into the city's underground sewage system and caused minor flooding in the areas western district." - Area's.
- Fixed Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"However, in 1979, the list of typhoon names was changed to incorporate male names and Bess re-introduced to the roster." - Missing a "was" somewhere in there?
- Fixed Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

That's all. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:11, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I got everything. Thanks for the review TA! Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:21, 4 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for addressing the above comments. Auree made a minor c/e to get rid of some of the jargon used; the article should be in good shape to be passed now. Cheers, guy-that-was-on-chat-for-two-days-and-then-left-again. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 23:33, 5 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]