Talk:Turnin Me On/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: --CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 04:23, 22 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

American recording artist and songwriter -> American Singer-songwriter, hows this?
Hilson, Zachary Anson Wallace -> and
Following the minimal chart success of Hilson's worldwide lead single "Energy" in the United States, while international markets received "Return the Favor", the song was released as the third single in the US from her debut album In a Perfect World.... -> awkward
the previous stated songs -> previously, mentioned
flavored sound for the song due to wanting to keep to her roots -> ce
Although noting Hilson's less than stellar vocals on the track, critics praised Hilson's -> repetitive, try her
and Hilson being flaunted by men, which is intercut with mirror scenes with younger kids -> run-on, try making its won sentence
reaching fifteen -> number

Background

The an unmastered version -> remove "an"

Composition

and Hilson's vocals span from G3 to C5 -> doesn't connect to the first part of the sentence. Either fix wording or make own sentence
Barry Walters of Spin said, "the sassiness Hilson wears so well on her Lil Wayne–boosted hit, 'Turnin' Me On -> awkward. I read the actual review and it reads well, try and changing the sentence intro a bit
Sal Cinquemani of Slant Magazine commended the song, calling it "tight." -> source?
Jon Caramanica of The New York Times said called -> pick one
Mikael Wood of The Los Angeles Times called the song "impeccably arranged." -> source?
Additionally it was nominated for "Song of the Year" at the 2009 Soul Train Music Awards -> source?

Chart performance

and a twenty-five -> a?
Presumably Interscope has yet to apply for certification of any of Hilson's singles -> how is this verified by the source?

Music video

before the single was released for airplay or download -> can you tell us how long before?
The video begins is set -> re-write
Hilson is performs choreography -> re-write
continues to be flaunted and performs additional choreography -> mixing tenses

You can't really say continues to be "flaunts" so with "continue" and "performs" is ok I guess? Candy o32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 15:39, 11 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

black backdrop and on a couch -> reads run-on, consider removing or fitting better
The near the end -> re-write
shown performing Hilson and her dancers' moves, as the latter also continue to be flaunted by men -> wouldn't the latter be her dancers?
The video Hilson being turned off by men at a club -> re-write
said, "visual is pretty entertaining." -> visually, "its pretty entertaining"

Actually, by "visual" I assume the writer was referring to the music video, not calling the it visually entertaining. I see I forgot "the" so it should say "the visual is pretty entertaining..."Candy o32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 15:39, 11 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Diss controversy

Long quotes don't bother me :p
Rumors began to fly once again -> they don't fly, circulate is better :p

- Thats all Candy, let me know when your done. Nice work! :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 04:46, 8 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]