Talk:Tropical Storm Helene (2000)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Keilana (talk · contribs) 14:19, 18 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I'm working on your review. I generally write notes on a hard copy and then transcribe them, which tends to take a bit, so my full review will probably be posted sometime this weekend. Thanks (in advance) for your patience! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 14:19, 18 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, here's the review. I've done a fairly thorough copyedit but I've left some suggestions for you below. Feel free to ask questions/dispute a suggestion. Thanks so much for your patience! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 22:11, 27 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

The sentence "Across the region, the rains alleviated drought conditions" could use a "however" at the beginning and may need to be reworded.
- Tweaked. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Much better - I changed "although" to "though"; just a pet peeve of mine. Thank you high school English teacher! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 07:54, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Meteorological History

The quote from the NHC ("the cyclone [was] on the verge of breaking open into an east-west oriented trough") needs a citation.
- It's cited already. Everywhere in the article, the citation covers everything up to the previous citation. This is the same for all other citation issues you mentioned. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - OK, thanks for clarifying. Everyone uses different conventions, so I just wanted to make sure everything was properly sourced. :) Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence "However, the circulation became better organized and the convection became persistent." is awkward.
- Better? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yep, the wording's better. However, I'd suggest combining the last two sentences - it's a bit choppy as it stands. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - That works. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:58, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      - It's good now. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 17:05, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As is "The storm was small and had an asymmetric wind field, and wind shear displaced the circulation from the deep convection."
- I simplified the sentence structure. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Much better. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The quote from Lixion Avila needs a citation.
The sentence "Most of the associated thunderstorms were to the north and northeast of the center" makes it choppy and is abrupt.
- What about it is choppy and/or abrupt? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I didn't see/feel/hear/sense any transition from the idea that Helene was disorganized at that point and the idea that it spawned thunderstorms. Does that make more sense? Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - That's further clarification about By 0900 UTC that day, strong wind shear removed all deep convection from the center. To simply, I merged those sentences. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:58, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      - Oh, I didn't know that the two were related. You can leave that bit in if you want - it's interesting - but I'd appreciate it if you clarified that the strong wind shear and subsequent lack of deep convection caused Helene to spawn thunderstorms to the north and northeast of the center. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 17:05, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        Well, not quite. The shear pushed the convection from over the top of the center and pushed it toward the north and northeast. Do you get it? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:07, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        That makes sense now! Never mind to all of that then. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 18:30, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence "In a 12 hour period, the winds decreased from 70 mph to 40 mph before the storm made landfall near Fort Walton Beach, Florida at 1200 UTC on September 2" is awkward.
- I changed things around. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I like it! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Saying "hurricane models anticipated restrengthening" doesn't make sense to me.
- Added "forecast" to "hurricane models". --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - That's clearer now. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The phrase "However, the agency reported the lack of a trough to cause baroclinic strengthening" is awkward.
- Yea, I removed it and simplified the sentence. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Much improved. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The wind data from the Outer Banks needs a citation.
The sentence "It exited the coastline from Virginia into an area of decreasing wind shear." is awkward.
- Better? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yeah, it's still a little clunky. It feels like "with less wind shear" is just tacked on, maybe phrase it as something like "The storm emerged from the Virginia coast into an area with less wind shear, favorable for strengthening in the western Atlantic." (That's not quite right either, but it's quite late where I live. I can take another look tomorrow, if you'd like.) Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:01, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - To simply, I removed "western Atlantic". Is that better? I wanted to emphasize that what caused the weakening in the gulf was gone, which allowed for strengthening. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:58, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      - That helped, I changed it to "The storm emerged from the Virginia coast into an area of less wind shear, where conditions were thus more favorable for strengthening." Does that work? (If not, revert away and we'll figure something else out). Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 17:05, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        That works! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:07, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The diameter of 140 miles needs a citation.
The peak intensity by Nova Scotia needs a citation.
The Neptune Olivine pressures need a citation.

Caribbean

The gusts on Guadeloupe need a citation.
As does the rainfall data from Antigua.
Ditto for the data from Puerto Rico.

United States

The rainfall of 1.08 inches needs a citation.
The rainfall of 9.56 inches needs a citation.
The record crest of the Sopchoppy River needs a citation.
The bit about homes and streets flooded in Florida needs a citation.
The information about Wakulla needs a citation.
The phrase "a storm tide of generally less than 2 ft" is awkward.
- Changed thingies around. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - It's good now. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:08, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
A "however" before "The combination of winds and rainfall..." could help.
- It does! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Hooray for "however"s! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:08, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Where did the falling tree wreck the car? Specify.
- Added. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thanks. :) Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:08, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The last paragraph of this section is choppy.
- Better? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I changed the punctuation/conjunctions around in the first sentence, is it still okay? Otherwise I'm happy with this. Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:08, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - No prob. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:58, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I had no comments for you for the last 2 sections. Nice job!

Thanks, I hope it's better now! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:50, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Aside from how freakin' long it took me to type it up, this has seriously been the easiest GAN review I've ever done. Thanks for being patient and an awesome editor! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 08:08, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Why thank you! I figured if you take the time on something I did, I should at least return the favor. :) --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:58, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Haha, and I figure that if you take the time to produce excellent content, I should take the time to review it as thoroughly as possible. It's a nice circle like that! :) Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 17:13, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'm ready to promote this, if that's ok. Nice job! Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 18:31, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Yay, thanks! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:39, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, that was fast. If you need anything, just drop me a line. Good luck at FAC! ;) Keilana|^{Parlez ici} 18:41, 28 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]