Talk:Tropical Storm Faxai (2007)/GA1
GA Review
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Overall, the article looks pretty good. I'll go through it in detail to give my findings, which may take a day or so.
Lead section:
- looks good; I did some minor copyediting
Meteorological history:
- "the upper level environment favored development" - I found this confusing, and I'm still not quite sure what it means.
- "a partially exposed low" - this seems to be jargon with no explanation; a wikilink to Low-pressure area would help
- "designating it at 20W" - I have no idea what this means.
- It was meant to be "designating it as 20W" which is the JTWC numbering for the storm. Cyclonebiskit 15:24, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
- "PAGASA issued their final advisory on Tropical Storm 'Juaning'" - is the name supposed to be italicized? I'm not sure what the punctuation is for.
- "around this time" - "this" doesn't seem to fit, possibly because of the verb tense; would "that" work?
Preparations and impact:
- "three others were injured" - this should probably be "three people", as "others" refers specifically to women as it is currently written.
- "One ship also sank during the storm." - this left me wondering what kind of ship. Is the information available (in order to avoid going off on a tangent, a brief mention is all that's necessary).
- "Two other passengers had their cervical vertebra." - this seems like an incomplete thought.
- The second paragraph of this section seems a little choppy, as it is made up of several short sentences. Combining sentences in a place or two might help with the flow of the prose.
I will place this nomination on hold to allow for these concerns to be addressed and/or discussed. If you have any comments or questions, you can leave them here, as this page is on my watchlist. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 06:36, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
- I've made the suggested changes to the article. Cyclonebiskit 15:24, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
- "peaked at 95 mm/h (3.7 in/h) on Miyaketsubota which[13]" - should this reference be after Miyaketsubota instead of which? There doesn't seem to be a reference for the second half of the sentence (about the seven mudslides). Is one available? Aside from that, everything is looking good. GaryColemanFan (talk) 00:37, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
- Move the reference before which and added the Japan Summary reference for the seven landslides. Cyclonebiskit 01:06, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
- Looks good. I'm promoting the article. GaryColemanFan (talk) 04:21, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
- Move the reference before which and added the Japan Summary reference for the seven landslides. Cyclonebiskit 01:06, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
- "peaked at 95 mm/h (3.7 in/h) on Miyaketsubota which[13]" - should this reference be after Miyaketsubota instead of which? There doesn't seem to be a reference for the second half of the sentence (about the seven mudslides). Is one available? Aside from that, everything is looking good. GaryColemanFan (talk) 00:37, 6 March 2009 (UTC)