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Talk:Triumph International/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Bobamnertiopsis (talk · contribs) 23:02, 4 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take this one. BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 23:02, 4 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

First readthrough

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1a

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  • "It began with a staff of six people under the name Wirtschaftlicher Verein Spiesshofer & Braun, Familienverein reg."[6]" Where did that quotation mark come from?
 Done Strange, not sure where that came from. CorporateM (Talk) 02:54, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The company took on its current namesake "Triumph," which is named after the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, in 1902." Try "In 1902, the company took on its current name, Triumph, with the Arc de Triomphe in Paris as its namesake."
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 02:55, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The first Triumph International location outside of Germany was established in 1933" but later "The company's name was changed to "Triumph International" in 1959." If the latter is true, then the first instance might read better as "The first Triumph location outside of Germany was established in 1933" as the International part of the name had not yet been tacked on.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 02:56, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the late 1970s the company introduced the sloggi brand" For consistency, put a comma after 1970s.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 02:58, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the late 1970s the company introduced the sloggi brand, which sold undergarments made primarily of cotton and started using lighter fabrics such as nylon and lycra in the Triumph brand." Try switching around the halves of this sentence so you don't begin with a clause with a comma, then continue to another without one, like such: "In the late 1970s, the company started using lighter fabrics such as nylon and lycra in the Triumph brand and introduced the sloggi brand, which sold undergarments made primarily of cotton."
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 02:58, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In late 2001 Burma Campaign UK campaigned" Comma after 2001 for consistency.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:01, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "employee's actions negatively effected the brand's image" effected→affected
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:02, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 2003 advertisements for bikinis" Comma after 2003 for consistency.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:02, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • " It also acquired a lingerie manufacturer and retailer in Mexico, Vicky Form." Awkward phrasing. Try: "It also acquired Vicky Form, a lingerie manufacturer and retailer in Mexico."
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:03, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sloggi: Men's and women's underwear" Is Sloggi capitalized or not? In most of the article, it isn't. Should it be?
 Done It's lowecase CorporateM (Talk) 03:05, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "one in six women in the world own a bra" I would put this in the past tense (own→owned) as it was a quarter of a century ago.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:05, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "45 percent of women in Germany own a Triumph product" Same as above.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:08, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "sports apparel, nightwear and others." Others would best be specified: Other garments? Other undergarments?
 Done I just used "other products" CorporateM (Talk) 03:10, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As of 2007, 50 percent of Triumph sales are in Asia." Are→were
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:10, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • You might consider linking "Heubach" in the lead. (It's not in violation of WP:OVERLINK to repeat a link in the lead and the body.)
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 03:12, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

1b

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  • The prose of the lead looks adequate and summarizes the article pretty well, but the infobox includes some claims that are either not elsewhere in the article, contradictory to claims that are sourced in the article, or simply unreferenced:
    • "Number of locations 2,100 stores" should agree with the last sentence of the article, "As of 2013, the company operates 2,000 Triumph stores and its products are sold in 40,000 department stores."
Would you prefer we standardize on the secondary source from 2013 (citation 45) that says 2,000 locations, or a weaker, primary, but more updated primary source[1] that says 2,100? CorporateM (Talk) 03:21, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I think the primary source is fine in this occasion, especially because it is more likely to be updated with greater frequency. BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 00:56, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 01:49, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Revenue $986.3 million (2013)" should be cited and included in the body of the article.
 Not done I actually took this out. It looks like the revenue data was actually from "Triumph Group" an aerospace manufacturer, and Triumph International hasn't published updated numbers since 2011. CorporateM (Talk) 03:30, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Employees 36,500" should also be cited and included in the body in addition to the infobox.
 Done I added a source, but didn't add it to the body. I typically prefer to avoid repetition between the infobox and the body. CorporateM (Talk) 03:39, 5 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Fine by me! BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 00:56, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

2a

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  • There are a lot of German sources. It would be helpful to include the language parameter in the cite template, as you have done in ref #13. "(in German)".
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 02:03, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Refs 29 and 30 use a different date format than the rest of the refs do. Please standardize.
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 14:21, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are several sources (all in German, I think) that pull from TextilWirtschaft or Der Spiegel archives. Two things: none of them need the "textilwirtschaft.de" or "spiegel.de" in their titles. Also, they should all really have accessdates. BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 03:11, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 14:50, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Don't forget refs 14-16! BobAmnertiopsis∴ChatMe! 16:28, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 17:11, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • One last thing: Check sources that you physically retrieved that list a page number (54-58, for example, though they're not the only ones). In the cite templates, make sure to list "page" if only one page is referenced or "pages" if it's multiple. "pages=33-35" results in "pp. 33-35", whereas "page=33" results in the single p "p. 33". As it stands now, several sources list "pages=33" resulting in the incorrect "pp. 33". (p is for one page, pp is for multiple). Once you clean that up, I believe this article will be good to pass!
 Done CorporateM (Talk) 20:58, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

2b–3b

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  • No qualms here!

4

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  • From what I've seen of your editing, you've been the gold standard of COI disclosure and ethical corporate editing. This article fairly covers all aspects of the topic, giving due weight, including to the labor disputes in this company's history. Thanks for your work on this and in the broader sense of bringing integrity to COI editing.
Thanks! CorporateM (Talk) 20:58, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

5

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  • Looks good!

6

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  • Triumph logo image is hosted on en and has a complete FUR. The other two images are hosted on Commons under acceptable licenses. FoP is not a problem, both because the images were taken in the UK and because they were provided by the company. No problems here!

Final readthrough

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