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GA Review

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Reviewer: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 16:19, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Hi Vaticidalprophet, I will review this article. I'll leave some in-depth comments later. It is quite a long article so I will note it may take a while to review this. Epicgenius (talk) 16:19, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):
    b (citations to reliable sources):
    c (OR):
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):
    b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Overall:
Pass/Fail:

· · ·

Prose, POV, and coverage

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General:

  • 85-90, 5-10%, 80-90%, etc. - Per MOS:PERCENT, the percent symbol is fine. However, if it's a number range it should be an endash rather than a hyphen. I would recommend going through and changing instances of hyphens in number ranges, such as those I just listed, to endashes.
  • Check that the English variant is consistent. I see both "criticised" and "dehumanizing".
  • Similarly, consistent quotes. I see 'superfemale' (single quote) and illegitimate product of a Graeco-Roman alliance" (double quote). Epicgenius (talk) 16:45, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Lead:

  • no symptoms significant enough to inspire formal testing. - Is "inspire" the best word for this context? I think "require" or a synonym would work better.
    • I don't think 'require' is accurate. It's very hit-or-miss whether women with trisomy X, even symptomatic cases, get karyotyped, so a phrasing that implies "this definitely happens when X or Y symptom is there" would give a false impression that it's a routine procedure. Vaticidalprophet 18:03, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • increased height, with an average height around 172 cm (5 ft 7+1⁄2 in) - This may work better as a single clause like "increased average height of around 172 cm (5 ft 7+1⁄2 in)" or something like that, but this is optional.
  • Most women with trisomy X go on to live normal lives - "go on to" is probably unnecessary here, but "live...lives" can be seen as repetitive. I suggest "Most women with trisomy X have normal lives" or something similar.
  • cohort studies on children with sex chromosome aneuploidies which followed them into adulthood found that people with these disorders are often mildly affected - This seems like a long clause without a comma. I would rephrase this a bit, but I don't have specific suggestions at the moment.

More later. Epicgenius (talk) 16:33, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Presentation:

  • 40% of girls with trisomy X aged six to thirteen are above the 90th percentile in height. - Regardless of MOS:PERCENT, I think it is a bit strange to begin a sentence with a number.
  • slightly below one standard deviation above - Also, "below...above" is unusual, I would say something like "almost one standard deviation above..."
  • These differences are usually minor, and do not have an impact on the daily lives of girls and women with the condition. - I'd suggest getting rid of the comma.
  • Precocious puberty has been reported,[6][23] but is not considered a characteristic of the syndrome.[3] - Likewise here.
  • and some patients followed in the medical literature - Followed as in studied over a long period of time?
  • with 40% to 90% in different studies requiring it. - Does this mean, in the different groups studied?
  • The psychological portrait of trisomy X is not entirely clear, and appears to be complicated by a more severe phenotype in postnatally than prenatally diagnosed groups - The comma here could probably also be removed.
  • but by their mid-thirties having stronger interpersonal bonds and healthy relationships - Should "having" be changed to a subject-verb, like "they had"?
  • Schizophrenia in trisomy X may be associated with intellectual disability - If I am assuming correctly, there is no conclusive evidence of such?
  • For instance, psychogenic stomach pains - Psychogenic is a disambiguation page.
    • Disambiguated appropriately. On the comma notes: I think this is personal style. I trend towards a slightly comma-heavy sentence structure, and I don't think any of those trend into grammatical inaccuracy. Vaticidalprophet 03:22, 1 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mosaicism, where both 47,XXX and other cell lines are present occurs in approximately 10% of cases. - Should there be a comma between "present" and "occurs"?
  • Cognitive development is more typical, and long-term outcomes improved - On the contrary, I do not think this comma is necessary, as "long-term outcomes improved" isn't a complete sentence.
  • little-understood - I also think there shouldn't be a hyphen here, since "little understood" isn't an adjective here but rather an adverb and verb.

Causes:

  • Mosaic is a duplicate link.
    • This is an intentional duplink -- it's in contravention of what the MOS currently says, but I strongly suspect it's what the MOS will say in two years. Most (~60%) readers are on mobile. Readers don't generally read articles as one block, even though writers often assume they do. Because mobile readers have all sections collapsed by default, their patterns are even more jumpy/spread-out. For a concept like genetic mosaicism that's unfamiliar to most of the general population, there should (IMO) be links available anywhere a reader might reasonably be expected to begin reading the article from, like the beginning of a section. Mobile readers can't just scroll up conveniently to a link in another section that'd be nearby for a desktop reader, so an article written to be navigatable/useful to the majority of Wikipedia's audience needs to treat sections as fairly self-contained, including in links. Vaticidalprophet 01:21, 3 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Trisomy X is a random event; it is not caused by lifestyle factors or parental fault - I think this sentence can be combined without using a semicolon, e.g. "Trisomy X occurs randomly and is not caused by lifestyle factors or parental fault".
  • trisomy X occurs randomly and has nothing to do with the chromosomes of the parents, and little chance of recurring in the family. - But in a minority, it isn't a random occurrence? Also, the comma after "chromosomes of the parents" may be unnecessary.

Diagnosis and differential diagnosis:

  • Nothing of concern here.

Prognosis:

Epidemiology:

  • Trisomy X only occurs in females, as the Y chromosome is in most cases necessary for male sexual development - Seems strange to have this paragraph be its own sentence at the end. Actually, for those of us who are not good at biology (not me, but other people), I think it is worth considering mentioning this earlier on. Epicgenius (talk) 16:45, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    • So, this bit is a bit of a WIP and an "improve between GAN and FAC" thing -- that is, when transforming the coverage from 'broad' to 'comprehensive'. There's a bit more to write in this section to get it really sparkling, but it's still a good overview of the topic. This sentence is currently set off as its own section, but I plan to expand the topic in a way that gets it reading a bit more naturally -- it's just that, at the current level of resolution, this is taking a backseat to other issues and making sure the core of the article is fully fleshed out. Vaticidalprophet 01:45, 28 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
      • Definitely. I am only conducting a GA review here, not an FA review, so the standard is a bit lower. I was just pointing out that, even in good articles, it is a bit weird to see standalone sentences (but not by any means disallowed). Epicgenius (talk) 20:29, 1 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

History:

  • even at the time - "Even" may not be necessary here.
  • have since been criticized - Within how many decades did these come to be viewed as dehumanizing?
  • until the death of one of the researchers - same for both cohorts?
  • due to the then-present perception that XYY syndrome was associated with violent criminality - this could probably be recast in active voice, e.g. "because [the public] perceived that XYY syndrome was associated with violent criminality" or something like that, but it's optional. It just read a bit clunkily to me.
  • condition's discoverer Patricia Jacobs - I feel like this can be mentioned earlier in the section.
  • professor of pediatrics - how about "pediatrics professor"?
  • around one-fifth of patients at the clinic have trisomy X - Is this when it was founded, or currently? Or is the clinic intending to seek patients for which one-fifth have trisomy X?

Society and culture:

  • Awareness of these conditions is accentuating - Is "accentuating" the right word?
  • in the late 2010s, state governments across the United States declared May to be National X & Y Chromosome Variation Awareness Month. - Kind of unrelated, but some or all?
  • Campaigns led by parents and caregivers of children with sex chromosome aneuploidies to raise awareness and increase available support made significant strides over the course of the 2010s to increase awareness,[82] decrease stigma, and improve the state of research.[85] - The portion of the sentence before the first comma is a little confusing because of the lack of punctuation. I get what this is saying: "The parents and caregivers of children with sex chromosome aneuploidies have created campaigns to raise awareness and increase available support. These campaigns made significant strides over the course of the 2010s to increase awareness, decrease stigma, and improve the state of research." Maybe a wording like this would be better.

In other animals:

  • Six cases of trisomy X have been recorded in dogs, for which the karyotype is 79,XXX compared to 78,XX for an euploid female dog.[87] Unlike in humans, trisomy X in dogs is strongly linked to infertility, either primary anestrus or infertility with an otherwise normal estrous cycle. - if only six cases have been recorded, wouldn't the characterization of "strongly linked" suffer from small sample bias? Especially since these six cases may have been severe enough to be recorded, and that these cases resulted in infertility. However, I understand this may be what the source said.
    • As far as I can get from the sources, they're assumed fully connected. (So far as I can tell, in all nonhuman species where it's been observed trisomy X is always associated with infertility, although this is slightly too OR to say in wikivoice; the thing you pointed out with the other clause here will hopefully make it a bit clearer.) Vaticidalprophet 01:38, 28 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • In addition to domesticated cattle, trisomy X has been observed in river buffalo. - Any effects of this? Epicgenius (talk) 16:34, 27 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

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This is a medical article so I will check whether the sources largely follow the guideline Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources (medicine). Epicgenius (talk) 16:33, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Notes:

  • 'Karyotype' as a term has multiple meanings, all of which are used here. It may refer to a person's chromosome complement, to the test used to discern said chromosome complement, or to an image of chromosomes ascertained via such a test - this is fine, but I would basically clarify whenever you are referring to a test (I would assume the images and the complement themselves are unlikely to be confused).

References:

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  • All images are licensed properly (though they don't contain alt text, which is optional for the purposes of the criteria). Image captions are appropriate.
  • Looking through Earwig's copyvio detector, I can't immediately find any.

General comments

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