Talk:Trish (Devil May Cry)/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 20:03, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this article for a review as I always enjoy reading about fictional characters. I will be doing the review section-by-section when I have the time over the week; feel free to either address each section independently or wait until the end of the review. I should be completed with the review by the end of this week by the latest. Either way, have a great start to your week! Aoba47 (talk) 20:03, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

I would make the ALT text for the infobox image more descriptive. Currently, it says (A character in the Devil May Cry series), which could apply to literally any image of a Devil May Cry’' character so it is not that useful currently.
- Done
The opening sentence includes the only Japanese translation in the article. Would it be better to put the Japanese translation of the character’s name as a footnote, (see the first sentence of the lead for the Sonic the Hedgehog (2006 video game) article).
- Done.
I am not sure about the structure of the first sentence, specifically this segment (who debuted in the first installment of the series, released in 2001 by Japanese developer and publisher Capcom.). Would it be better to make the information on the character’s debut into its own sentence, and instead add a brief summary/overview of the franchise (as done in the Jill Valentine article)? Something about the first sentence reads awkwardly to me, as it is saying a lot in one sentence at the very start.
- Done. Curiously, the major editor from Jill's article revised that a bit.
I do not understand this part (A demon who inhabits the form of a human). What do you mean by “the form of a human”? The phrasing does not make sense in this context. I would say something like (A demon who takes the form of a human) instead.
- Rephrased.
I would separate the second sentence into two (i.e. having her initial storyline in one sentence, and then her subsequent appearances as a supporting character in another).
- Rephrased
For this sentence (She also appeared in the side-scrolling game Viewtiful Joe, and fighting game Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds.), I believe it should be “appears” instead of “appeared”.
- Done.
I do not see the need for a wikilink for heroine as it is a rather basic word/concept.
- Removed.
I would revise this sentence (The character was created by Hideki Kamiya, along with other designers at Capcom, as a heroine who could appeal to gamers by being both sexually attractive and a skillful fighter during action sequences.) to the following (Hideki Kamiya, with the support of the other designers at Capcom, created Trish to appeal to gamers through her sex appeal and fighting style.) to make it read better.
- Done.
For this sentence (this aspect of her character would be revised on multiple occasions), I think it should be “was” instead of “would be”.
- Done.
Gloria is rather abruptly introduced in the second paragraph. How does she relate to the story? Why does Trish take on an alter ego? Would it be better to give a small introduction to Gloria in the first paragraph (since it seems to focus entirely on her storylines/appearances in the franchise).
- Done.
The following sentence (Her alter ego from Devil May Cry 4, Gloria, would also prove difficult, as developers sought to avoid any vulgarity in her sexually-explicit design while indicating it was this aspect of her image which appealed most to the casual Devil May Cry fan-base.) is very awkwardly constructed, and I would recommend revising it. Maybe something like (Developers designed Gloria as a sexually-explicit character to appeal to the franchise’s casual fan-base, though they sought to avoid any vulgarity.) would be a better format.
- Done.
For this sentence (Multiple voice actors have voiced the character throughout the series, including Sarah Lafleur, Luci Christian and Atsuko Tanaka.), I am not sure “multiple” is the right word. There were only two English voice actors, and the Japanese voice actor stayed the same across the board it seems.
The third paragraph in the “Reception” section focuses entirely on the reviews about Trish’s fight with Lady, though it is not addressed in the lead.
- Done
I am not sure what you mean by this part (While her visual appearance in Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition has been called less appealing than that of other characters). The only part in the body of the article that I could find about this is the following sentence ( GameSpot offered a less positive opinion, saying Trish might be less entertaining than Lady and Vergil.). It all seems rather vague to me. Also, if this part was taken from one critic’s opinion, it seems rather unbalanced to devote such a long part in the lead to it in my opinion. I would either clarify this or remove it altogether. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for the revision to the part, but I still think it needs some work. How about changing (While her movesets in Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition have been called less appealing than that of other characters) to (Despite the criticism of her movesets in Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition,) to make it more concise? Aoba47 (talk) 22:13, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done.
    - Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 22:20, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Creation and design

I would revise the following sentence (Trish was created to be the heroine of Devil May Cry, and was intended to be both sexually appealing and a skillful fighter during action sequences.) to something like the following (Created as the heroine of Devil May Cry, Trish was intended to be a sexually appealing and skillful fighter.).
This sentence (Her long hair caused extensive problems for designers when creating her 3D model, most notably at the end of the game when she appears on an airplane and is jokingly asked to cut it.) is rather awkwardly structured so I would revise it. The main issue that I have with the sentence is the last sentence (most notably at the end of the game when she appears on an airplane and is jokingly asked to cut it.). Airplane does not a wikilink, and the whole thing seems to come out of nowhere.
- Done.
  - I still think this part has issues. I have two questions about the current wording (This was more problematic at the end of the game when she appears on an airplane and is jokingly asked to cut it.). I am assuming that this dialogue occurs in-game between Trish and another character (I am assuming it is Dante), but it is not made clear in the sentence? Also is this information really important enough to be included? It seems rather trivial. I do not have access to the source, so I cannot check on it is presented there. Aoba47 (talk) 22:25, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I am not sure about this sentence (Motion designer Tomoya Othsubo said making Trish's hairstyle was challenging). Unless he explains this further, it is just repeating the same information from the previous sentence and the next sentence (i.e. the hair was challenging to design). Unless he provided more reasons in the source, I would cut this sentence.
- - Trimmed the sentence and removed the joke.
- Done.
I would revise this part (a process which was labeled a "nightmare" by Othsubo.) to (a process which Othsubo described as a nightmare.)
- Done.
I would revise this sentence (Sawaki Takeyasu was the main artist responsible for her appearance; he said this was the first human-like character he had made.) to the following (Sawaki Takeyasu, the main artist for Trish, said that she was first human-like character he had made.).
- Done.
I have a question about this sentence (Trish was named after Beatrice Portinari from the Divine Comedy.). Did they explain why they named Trish after this character?
For this part (Character designer Daigo Ikeno stated that for the sequel,), I would just use the game’s name instead of “the sequel”.
- Done.
I would revise this part (the team aimed for a contrast between Trish and that game's new heroine, Lucia) to (the team aimed to contrast Trish with the game’s new heroine, Lucia).
- Done.
I would revise this sentence (Hiroyuki Nara was responsible for Trish's inclusion in the game as an unlockable character, and borrowed elements and fight moves from Dante's campaign in the original Devil May Cry for her gameplay in Devil May Cry 2, apologizing to the team that created the first game) as it reads very awkwardly. Also, why did he apologize for this? I am confused about this part.
- Done.
I would revise this sentence (According to Nara, since Devil May Cry 2 had received a negative response from fans and critics, he wanted to redeem himself with the next game, Devil May Cry 3, for which he used some of Trish's elements for Dante's new model.) as well, because it reads very awkwardly. Also, if known, please specify which elements were added to Dante’s new model.
- Done.
The transition to the sentences about Gloria is very rough, particularly since the character of Gloria has not really been introduced at this point. It is somewhat confusing, particularly for a reader like me who has never played or really seen anything related to these games. I would work on the transitions for this part. Aoba47 (talk) 20:52, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: I revised the use of Gloria. She is just Trish but with a different look. Thanks for the review.Tintor2 (talk) 21:52, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for addressing everything so far. I will get to the remaining two sections on Tuesday/Wednesday. I am still unclear about the whole Gloria parts. Does the game clarify why she takes on this alter-ego, because it seems rather random? I would assume that it has some sort of importance to the plot? Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

In Devil May Cry

I would revise this sentence (Trish is introduced in Devil May Cry, in which she hires Dante to help stop Mundus' plan to conquer the human world by opening a gate on Mallet Island to the demon world.) to (Introduced in Devil May Cry, Trish hires Dante to stop Mundus’ plan to conquer the human world by opening a gate on Mallet Island to the demon world.
- Done.
For this sentence (Later in the game, Dante learns she is Mundus' servant and that her resemblance to his "mother" is part of a plan to lure Dante to the island so Mundus' servants can kill him.), you could substitute the second “Dante” with “him”.
- Done.
This sentence (Deeming her unworthy to work, Mundus crucifies Trish to antagonise Dante, who regrets not having saved her from Mundus.) is rather awkwardly phrased and requires revision. I am not sure what you mean by “Deeming her unworthy to work” and I would avoid repeating “Mundus” twice in the same sentence.
- Done.
Does the game explain how Trish survives the crucifixion in the first game?
- The game doesn't directly state it. Dante believed her dead but later says that her humanity somehow saved her.
For this part (and gives him her power so he can finish the enemy), I would change “gives him her power” to “offers her power” to make it more concise and avoid the repetition of pronouns.
- Done
- Done
For this part (She appears in the Devil May Cry Volume 2 novel), I would move “novel” in front of the title.
- Done.
- Done
I do not understand what you mean by this “as an alternative, self-serving Mundus”. She appears as the character?
- Clarified. It's a parallel world.
Could you expand on this sentence (She is a playable character in a bonus section of Devil May Cry 2, separate from the game's plot.). Is there any story to this “bonus section”? What does Trish do during this section?
- Done
For this part (Trish works mostly alone), I would move “mostly” before “works”.
- Done
I am confused by this part (who has invited her to return.). Return where?
- Done
I have.a clarification question about this part (She first appears while accidentally fighting demon hunter Lady). How does she “accidentally” fight Lady? Does she think Lady is demon or something like that?
- Done.

Other appearances

For this sentence (Trish also appears alongside Dante in the PlayStation 2 version of Viewtiful Joe, hitting on him until an enemy captures her.), I do not think that “also” is needed.+
- Done.
Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 was first mentioned in the “Creation and design” section, so unlink it here and link it there. Aoba47 (talk) 18:38, 16 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
- Done.

Reception

Everything looks good here for the most part. I would recommend a copy-edit from the Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors either way as it is always helpful to get another set of eyes on it.
- I'll replace my second request there.
  - I saw your request, and I wanted to clarify that I did not ask you to make a request for the "Reception" section specifically or that it was necessary for the GAN review. I was just making a note that it may be helpful in the future to get a copy-edit for the overall article. It does not have to be in the immediate future, and I was going to pass this as a GA once you let me know that all of my comments have been addressed. Aoba47 (talk) 20:31, 16 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

References

For Reference 9, avoid putting the title in all caps.
- Done.

Final comments

Apologies for taking so long with the review. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this as a GA. Great work with the article. I always enjoy reading your work on fictional characters; you have inspired me to possibly work on a fictional character article in the future. It would be cool to try an anime or a video game character. I also enjoyed reading about this character, and I should play one of these games one day lol. Either way, have a great rest of your day and/or night. Apologies for my rambling lol. Aoba47 (talk) 18:43, 16 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Revised the request. About her cruxifition, how she survives is never addressed but I guess it is cheesy scene where Dante cries in front of her (hence the title).Tintor2 (talk) 20:44, 16 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for addressing everything. And that makes sense. Nothing wrong with a little cheesiness lol. Either way, I will ✓ Pass this. Again, I did not require a copy-edit for the GAN as you say in your copy-edit request; it was just something that I recommended for the future. Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 16 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.