Talk:Too Young (Adventure Time)/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 23:24, 14 January 2018 (UTC)
- Grabbing for a review if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 23:24, 14 January 2018 (UTC)
- Lead and infobox
- I would remove “is the name of” and just say “is the fifth episode”.
- I would link Earl of Lemongrab and Princess Bubblegum.
- I have a small question about this sentence (Finn tries to use pranks to coerce him into leaving.). It has been a while since I have seen this episode (I can’t believe it has been seven years since it had first aired), but I thought that Finn and Bubblegum played pranks on Lemongrab. If so, please clarify this.
- Good point. I added that Bubblegum was involved too, and I combined the sentence with the one that follows to make it a little less choppy.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:45, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- You can remove the “although the episode did not win” as just saying it was nominated for the award carries the assumption that it lost.
- Plot
- Please link the characters as this is the first time that you mention them in the body of the article.
- I would work on the flow of the following two sentences (Finn on advice from Jake, tries to woo the princess. However, because Bubblegum is now "too young" to be legal ruler of the kingdom, her first creation, the Earl of Lemongrab (voiced by Justin Roiland), usurps the throne.). The “However” makes me think that the following information would somehow be related to Finn’s wooing, which it is not. I think a better flow/transition would make this more seamless.
- I re-wrote the first sentence, deleted the 'however' and then added a paragraph break between the two. I feel they are indeed talking about two radically different things, and a break is needed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:49, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- Production
- Please add ALT text for the image
- I would include in the caption for the image the year in which the photo was taken (i.e. put in parenthesis next to Roiland’s name something along the lines of (“pictured in xxx”)).
- For this part (who was serving as one of the series' creative directors during season three), add a link for season three.
- I am a little confused by this part (To his disappointment, most fans seemed to miss the reference.). What exactly is the reference? It is never made clear.
- How is "most fans seemed to ignore the detail"?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:51, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- Reception
- You can remove the “although the episode did not win” as just saying it was nominated for the award carries the assumption that it lost.
- Otherwise great work here.
- Thanks!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:52, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- References
- Great job with this section
- Thanks!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:52, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- Final thoughts
- Once all of my comments are addressed, I will promote this to a GA. Great work with this! Aoba47 (talk) 00:17, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- @Aoba47: Thank you for the review. I believe that I have addressed all of your comments. I've also added a minor explanatory note to explain why Bubblegum is 13 at the start of this episode. Do let me know what you think, and if you believe any more improvements are needed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:59, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
- Thank you for addressing everything; I will ✓ Pass this. If possible, I would greatly appreciate it if you could pick up one of my GANs for review. Either way, have a great day. Aoba47 (talk) 18:00, 15 January 2018 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.