Talk:Tomodachi Life/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Panini! (talk · contribs) 02:00, 5 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

My apologies, PerryPerryD, but I'm afraid I have to Fail this nomination, mainly for a lack of comprehensiveness and criteria 1a. This game means a lot to me so I've done some deep scrutinization to get you going in the right direction. While I do have my hands full with a Year of Luigi good topic, after I finish Dr. Luigi I could directly help improve the article if you'd like assistance.

Lead

Counting the sources I found below, the lead is on the short side. I'm gonna make an assumption that the size should be around three paragraphs.

The first should cover the general info (Tomodachi Life is a social simulation video game developed by Nintendo SPD and published by Nintendo for the Nintendo 3DS. The game is a sequel to the Japan-exclusive Nintendo DS title Tomodachi Collection) and a general overview statement of the game's contents. Then, give a simplified summary of the most important aspects of gameplay.
The second usually covers development and release, and specific release date info. Basically, summarize key points of the development process.
The third is used for reception, sales, and legacy. These points listed are all present at Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam if you need a good reference point.

Gameplay

Gameplay, on the other hand, is too long and dips in and out of WP:GAMECRUFT. Here are some of the things that set off my radar:

Note 1 is an unnecessary detail, especially if there's no source to prove it
What's set up as glossary terms, such as "look-alike" in this situation, only needs quotes the first time it appears.
"your islanders" - In professional writing the reader should never be directly addressed
"which lets the player give the islander a free ¨Gift¨, Song, Catchphrase, Interior, or Pocket Money, which can be used to travel to Outer Space, as stated by the islander if the player gives them money." - A list like this one approaches WP:GAMEGUIDE levels, and only one needs to be listed to give an example
"After receiving a ¨Gift¨, an islander may occasionally be seen using said item, either in their own apartment, or in another building, such as the Observation Tower." This sentence is not needed to understand how to play the game. With life simulators the drawn line can be tricky, but broadly speaking, in situations where no player interaction is needed its probably not necessary to understand the core gameplay.

"Islanders that are friends tend to interact with each other more often and can be seen in each others Apartment Rooms."
"During certain events, such as a Birthday or a new unlock on the island, "Mii News" will appear. In a news-style fashion, details of certain events are announced and displayed. Upon unlocking, Mii News will also appear regularly with randomly generated stories."
"Followed by the game Credits and a video of the married couple and the baby playing in the Park."

"Upon completion of a Minigame, If the player loses the minigame, the islander will award the player with 1 of 2 items, A box of tissues, or Toilet Paper. Upon WInning, the Islander will present 3 boxes, each containing 1 item." Nothing of too much importance here, it can be cut.

I also see a lot of prose issues; while they're small ones, they pile on in the long run:

"As the game goes by, the player unlocks more locations, clothes, food, and other things for the Miis to interact with." The next paragraph states "By completing various objectives and interacting with the Islanders on your island, various buildings will unlock, containing different shops, such as the Hat Shop and Clothing Shop, which can be used to buy new outfits for your islanders", which practically covers the same details and is therefore repetitive.
Determining what is and isn't a proper noun: "Observation Tower" and "Mii News" are; mirror, friendships, apartment rooms, minigame, toilet paper, marriage, and credits are not.

A lot of this section is still also unsourced.
I would suggest reading through the critical reviews to get a grasp on what should be covered in this section. Critics give general gameplay descriptions in their reviews, and since they've been doing their job for a long time, they have a good understanding of what should and shouldn't be included to give the reader a basic grasp. I'm gonna go on a limb and assume this section could be broken up into these paragraphs:

Look alike info and intro
Solving Mii problems, leveling up, money, and a handful of shop examples
Mii interaction (friendships, fights, relationships, marriage and children)
Real-time schedule and special events on the island, other StreetPass features

Development

Development is on the short side, and I bet a lot of sources exclusively about development exist out there. Here's a couple I found to get you started:

This section could also benefit from a general release timeline; who developed the game? When was it announced? When did it release? Stuff like that. For reference, see the top paragraph of Mario & Luigi: Dream Team#Gameplay.

Reception

Considering large amount of reviews in that intimidating table, the critical reception portion needs some WP:DUEWEIGHT. What's currently there is usually placed by users as a placeholder until someone comes along and writes out a full section that covers each point. You don't need to use every critical review there-despite there being somewhere around 15 reviews for Mario & Luigi: Dream Team I only used 7-get rid of the ones you don't use and be sure to cover each point of their review to the fullest. For help on what needs to be there, see WP:RECEPTION and User:Panini!/Copyediting Video Game Reception Sections.

I hope these points give you a basic understanding of what exactly you should focus your attention on. This speaks from a general perspective; after these major issues are dealt with then I can begin to do a nitpicky run-through. If you have any questions at all, please reach out to me on my talk page. Good work on the article thus far! Panini! • 🥪 02:00, 5 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I went ahead and removed a bunch of the gameplay content. I decided to leave the mii news section in as its an important aspect to the game itself. PerryPerryD Talk To Me 03:12, 5 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]