Jump to content

Talk:Tom Harley/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Harrias talk 08:16, 25 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

General
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Biographies should include persondata, see WP:PDATA.
Done Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 95kg, use 95 kg, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 95 kg.
Could only find one stance where this was an issue. Fixed nonetheless. If there's any issues still, please note the specific use Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the'. So, == The Port Adelaide experience (1997-1998)== should be changed to ==Port Adelaide experience (1997-1998)==.
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
  • "was a dual premiership captain" – this probably makes a brilliant amount of sense to you and aussie rules fan, but as a sportsfan who is completely ignorant of aussie rules, I have no idea what this means. Could you clarify, probably best done with a footnote?
Changed to "two-time premiership-winning captain" Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • According to WP:MOS, "Write out both the full version and the abbreviation at first occurrence". However, as you link SANFL and AFLPA on the first instance, I personally am not too bothered; but if you want to obey the MOS to the letter, you should probably expand them.
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Early life
  • "Despite being regularly overlooked for the elite South Australian junior state squads, Harley continued to follow the rest of the squad to training sessions." Might be worth expanded / clarifying this, I had to follow the link to really understand what it meant, and it is far better worded in the source.
Changed wording Boomtish (talk) 06:16, 26 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'll look through the rest of the article later! Harrias talk 08:16, 25 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Port Adelaide experience (1997-1998)
  • Link Port Adelaide, Port Magpies and Geelong in this section.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to play his trade" unless this is a difference of language, I think it should be "to ply his trade"
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • You refer to 'Port Magpies' in the first paragraph, and 'Port Adelaide Magpies' in the second. Try and be consistent in your usage. It might also be worth explaining the link between the Port Adelaide Magpies and Port Adelaide. But only if fits in easily.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Mixed success (1999-2006)
  • "...helped the Cats..." I'm assuming that the Cats are Geelong? Would be worth noting this club nickname before your first use, or at least having a footnotes or bracketed explanation on first use. Especially as you use it throughout the rest of the article.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...a 12-9-1 record..." again, a note to explain this would be useful. I assume it goes W-L-D, but it's not immediately obvious.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...7 disposals and 2 marks..." Could you explain these jargonny terms, or at least provide a link to an article which explains them. (From the look of it, both of these terms have specific articles, but for others you can use Glossary of Australian rules football).
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • This section covers a large period of time, and yet is relatively small. I don't know anything about this guy, so it may be that it wasn't the most exciting period (though he won a few awards by the looks of it). Would it be possible to expand this section? No problem if not.
Information resources are abit lacking for these years, but I'll work on this. Perhaps it can be something to work on in eventually getting the article to a FA status? Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Captaining the Cats (2007–2009)
  • "18-4 record" as above, some explanation should be provided.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • An explanation of the term "premiership captain" should be provided to. From your re-phrasing in the lead, I now understand what you mean, but for followers of other sports it may not be clear.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • You state "For the first time in his career, Harley featured in all 22 games during the home-and-away campaign" however, in the previous section, you say "Harley's consistency throughout the year, during which he played in all 23 games for the first time in his career, ... and again featured in all 22 games over the next two seasons." Slightly confused over this??
Fixed Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Toward the end of this section you use a lot of quotes from Harley regarding the 2009 season. I'm not sure they're all needed, it seems slight overkill to me, reiterating the same point a couple of times. You might look at thinning it out a little?
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Player profile
  • Similarly, you have a lot of quotes in here. In the second paragraph, I don't think "greatest player", "a natural leader" and "culture" need to be in speech marks, they can just be plain text.
Done Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Statistics
  • Explanation is definitely needed here, I don't understand these in the slightest.
Added in a legend box for now, but will look into incorporating WikiProject AFL to fix this across all articles Boomtish (talk) 12:40, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Other than that I think everything looks over. Once you fixed these points, I'll have another quick look through the article, but I think it'll be ready for GA. I'll put the article on hold for these points to be fixed. Harrias talk 09:34, 27 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your fixes, I'm now happy to pass the article. Would still be good to look at expanding the Mixed success section if you are able to. Harrias talk 12:51, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Tom_Harley/GA1&oldid=1086328210"