Talk:Timebomb (Tove Lo song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 07:07, 8 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

soon --Kyle Peake (talk) 07:07, 8 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Infobox looks good
Edit: Music video belongs in the infobox not external links; see "Amazing" for how Done
"for her debut studio album" → "from her debut studio album" Done
"It was written" → "The song was written" as you referenced the album more recently Comment: I changed it to "track", because otherwise the word "song" would appear in two consecutive sentences (is a song by Swedish singer and songwriter Tove Lo from her debut studio album, Queen of the Clouds (2014). The song was written)
"produced by the latter" → "produced by Åhlund" since there is more than 2 people listed Done
"the song was later" → "it was later" Done
""Timebomb" is an" → "The song is an" Comment: Why?
Merge "It received..." with the second para and start with "Timebomb received..." this is because you not only reference the album's title for the second time, but also this info is not to do with the song's release/musical info Done
"positive reviews by" → "positive reviews from" Done
"However, the track" → "However, the song" for consistency Not done "with many of them deeming it as one of the best songs from Queen of the Clouds. However, the song was not commercially successful"
Change to "the best tracks" instead then and "However, it" Done
"A music video for "Timebomb"" → "An accompanying music video for it" Not done would end up like this: "A music video for it was released on 22 June 2015. It depicts Lo performing the song..."
"A music video for the song" works as you shouldn't ref the title twice in one lead para or use the track even; consistency! Done
"It received positive reviews" → "The visual received positive reviews" as too much "it" is tedious Done
Target LGBTQ → LGBT Done
"The singer performed" → "Lo performed" as you referenced her name a while back Not done Her name was referenced two sentences before, in "It depicts Lo performing the song on a beach..."
Fine, actually
Thanks for all this and the track can only be the alt reference for consistency in this case, fixed for you as it's only minor

Background and release

"also produced it, programmed it and" → "also handled the production and programming of it, and" Done
"helped mastering it" → "helped master it" Done
"Room, Stockholm and David" → "Room, Stockholm, and David" Done
"of the singer's debut studio album, Queen of the Clouds (2014)." → "of Queen of the Clouds." as you've already told us the debut album status and it being from 2014 in the lead Comment: I mentioned many things in the lead; like the writers of the song, its genre, the release date; so everything mentioned in the lead should not be mentioned again in the body of the article?
I didn't mean it like that, but the fact(s) that it is debut album and released in 2014 should only be mentioned in the lead; this is how it is commonly done for song articles Done
Shouldn't the above sentence in question be in the second para since it's about release? Done
""Timebomb" was initially" → "The song was initially" as you don't need to state the title that much Not done the sentences would end up like this: "The song is included on "The Sex" section of the singer's debut studio album, Queen of the Clouds (2014). The song was initially..."
Fine, actually
"on the US contemporary hit radio" → "to US contemporary hit radio stations" Done
Target remixes → Remix
"was digitally released" → "was digitally released as a single" Question: the sentence would end up like this: "Nonetheless, a remixes single of "Timebomb" was digitally released as a single in Europe on 12 August 2015"
Don't change, actually

Composition

Remove WikiLink to piano as you've already done this in the first section Done
"and an "anthemic" and "shouty"" → "and an "anthemic", "shouty"" Done
"compared the song with" → "compared the song to" Done
"In the lyrics" → "With the lyrics" Not done Why should I change it?
The former reads weirdly, since she is talking about the romance with the usage of the lyrics Done
"that first moment."[24]" → "that first moment".[24]" for grammar consistency Not done per MOS:LQ, "If the quotation is a full sentence and it coincides with the end of the sentence containing it, place terminal punctuation inside the closing quotation mark."
Is it an author or the staff? Done it's the staff
Fine, actually

@Kyle Peake: I have addressed your comments. --Paparazzzi (talk) 18:32, 8 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Paparazzzi: This isn't the end of the review just yet, but thanks for addressing my current batch! --Kyle Peake (talk) 19:52, 8 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

Do we really need the img there? It can pass illustrated without because of the other img, it doesn't state what was praised about her. Comment: It is included to show who Tove Lo is; you can tell that her face is not visible in the artwork of the single
The latter part is true but as for the explanation, that logic is flawed as not every article of an artist's song requires a picture of them.
"from critics." → "from music critics." Done
"was "the best thing [Tove Lo has] ever done" and praised" → "was the best thing that Tove Lo has "ever done" and praised" since grammar shouldn't be inside quotes for consistency and "the best thing" is encyclopedic so doesn't need speech marks Done
"called it a" → "called the song a" as you need to not use "it" too much
"madcap stampede [...] with talky lyrics..." → "madcap stampede", white pointing out "talky lyrics..." Done
"deemed it one" → "deemed the song as one" Done
"On his review of" → "In his review of" Done
"called it" → "called "Timebomb"" as you have wrote "best tracks" and the album's title since last using "it" or "the song" Done
"from that website" → "from the website" Done
"described it as" → "described the song as" Done
"called it one of the best songs" → "called "Timebomb" one of the best songs" as it's a new para and you can change below Done
"said that "Timebomb" was the" → "said that the song was the" Done
Change target Redbull to Red Bull Done
"number 5" → "number five" per MOS:NUMBERS Done
"era Kate Bush."[33]" → "era Kate Bush".[33]" as there is no fullstop at that point in the source Done
"On the other hand," → "In a more negative review," as this comes after all positive Done
Start new para in this section for the commercial reception as it is three lines long Done
"It first entered the" → "It entered the" as first is essentially useless here since that's obvious Done
"It spent eight weeks" → "The song spent eight weeks" Done

Music video

Background and release

"According to the singer" → "According to Lo" as you haven't mentioned her surname for quite a while by this point and it's a new section so yeah Done
"archieve this, she" → "achieve this, she" Done OMG, hahaha
"ages, and sexual orientations who, in her opinion," → "ages and sexual orientations, who she claimed,"
Does nipple need to be WikiLinked? It is a relatively common word...
"the clip in a beach" → "the clip on a beach" as you can't film "in a beach"
"were published in several websites" → "were published by several websites"
Target Noise11 to Paul Cashmere
"women bodies were always sexualized" → "women's bodies were always sexualized"
WikiLink lyric video as done here
"while the lyrics are shown" → "while the lyrics are displayed"
"It was directed" → "The visual was directed" as you started the last sentence with "it"
"previously directed "Talking Body"'s lyric visual" → "previously directed the lyrical visual for "Talking Body""
"shared a 28-seconds" → "shared a 28-second" as that's how you commonly reference such a time in this context
"It finally premiered" → "The video finally premiered"
Remove WikiLink to website
"and the artist" → "and the singer" as you don't need too many nicknames
"to online chat site" → "to the online chat site"

Done to all of this. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:32, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Synopsis and reception

"takes place in a beach" → "takes place on a beach" Done
"sitting in a wood platform" → "sitting on a wood platform" as she isn't literally sat inside it Done
Remove WikiLinks to sexual orientations as they are commonly known of, also remove the one on old age but keep biracial Done
"the artist appears" → "the singer appears" Done
Add the fact that reviews were positive at the start of the second para Not done per WP:SYNTH
WikiLink Complex
"described it as "emotional [...] simple..." → "described it from an emotional standpoint as "simple..." as it is best to avoid [...] especially in cases like this where emotional is only present in the title of the article
"stated that it had" → "stated that the video had"
Change to The Line of Best Fit
Target LGBTQ → LGBT
"supportive songs and videos" → "supportive songs, and videos"
"Spanish website" → "Spanish website Jenesaispop"
"Gay in Madrid, Spain, which" → "Gay in Madrid, which" as not only is it commonly known that Madrid is in Spain, but you have already stated Spanish website in this sentence so the implication is relatively high

Done to all of this. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:41, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Live performances

"On 23 May 2015, she sang it at the Boston..." → "On 23 May, she sang it at the 2015 Spring Boston..." as that is the actual name of the festival and stating the MD date is fine when it says the year in the same sentence
"included in the set list of her" → "included on the set list of the singer's"
"and tracks from" → "among tracks from" as otherwise there are three close usages of "and"

Done to all of this. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:43, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Track listings

Good

Charts

Should "chart" have the c capitalized? Comment: no, because that's not part of the name of the chart. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:43, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Release history

Remixes should be in brackets for the second release Done

References

This is my fault for archiving so I did the ones outside of the first two sections because I couldn't revert as this would disrupt your writing, so change each "url-status=alive" to "dead-url=no" Done
WikiLink Scandipop to Nordic popular music Not done Scandipop is the name of the website
Keep Scandipop as the publisher but WikiLink it to Nordic popular music as it is currently a redirect to that page
Not done Scandipop.co.uk and Scandipop are related but not the same thing; scandipop is basically pop music made by Scandinavian artists, while Scandipop.co.uk is a website that covers that kind of music. They are still not the same thing so...
Does ref 4 need to be two refs together or can they be split as there is no written reason? Comment: because they complement each other, that's why they are together
WikiLink Billboard on ref 7 Done
Remove italicization on ref 10's publisher Done
WikiLink iTunes Store on ref 11
Target DirectLyrics to SpinMedia on ref 16
WikiLink and make The Line of Best Fit a website on ref 17
Remove Billboard WikiLink on ref 20
Change target Redbull to Red Bull on ref 22
Change Untitled Magazine to being a magazine on ref 23
Change AllMusic to a publisher on ref 27
Change Stereogum to being a website on ref 31
Change Fortitude Magazine to being a magazine on ref 35
Remove WikiLink to Sverigetopplistan on ref 38
Change ref 39 to citing a magazine from a publisher
Change ref 40 to citing a website from ditto
Target Noise11 to Paul Cashmere on ref 41
Change ref 47 to citing a publisher from work
Is ref 47 really a reliable source? Comment: Yes. It was the website where you could stream the video and watch it with another fans and even Tove Lo herself if you were lucky! It was made by Tove's label
Change ref 48 to having no italicization and citing a website from publisher
Remove italicization on ref 49
Change ref 51 to citing its publisher as a website Comment: it is already cited as a website; TLOBF was cited as a website in previous cites as well
Change ref 58 to having no italicization and citing a magazine from publisher
WikiLink Digital Journal on ref 59
Add ref 63 to being with the other refs about Europe in the first section since it is the only one that isn't for some reason? Not done adding it in the first section would cause a WP:CITEKILL

Done to all of this.

Final comments and verdict

On hold for now, good work on this, but there are a few issues that need fixing before I can pass this. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:24, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: I have addressed your comments. --Paparazzzi (talk) 17:22, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Paparazzzi: Remove the IMG of Tove Lo? --Kyle Peake (talk) 18:15, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake:

Done --Paparazzzi (talk) 19:27, 10 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

✓ Pass! --Kyle Peake (talk) 04:56, 11 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.