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Talk:Thrill Kill/GA1

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Reviewer: FunkMonk (talk · contribs) 00:59, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

You start the Gameplay section with "Gameplay consists of", which sounds fragmented as a start of the article body. "The gameplay consists of" would read better. FunkMonk (talk) 13:35, 6 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done benǝʇᴉɯ 01:35, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "including a "Swap Throw", which trades places with an opponent" What is meant by this? That the player's character swaps physical position with the opponent? Could be clearer.
  • "must use a "Thrill Kill" (a gory special move)" Since by this point you've already mentioned this move, you should explain it earlier?
  • "with the character who performed a Thrill Kill" The move should also be in quotation marks here, as elsewhere.
  • "earning a small boost to their meter" Specify if it is to their "kill meter", and also put it in quotation marks here.
  • "The four PlayStation buttons" This seems unspecific. Joypad buttons? State it's the X, Y, etc. buttons, and which that do what?
    • I can include that there are four attack buttons and that they're used to control the characters' arms and legs (I could say "for punching and kicking", but that might be pushing it), but anything further than that would not only be WP:OR, seeing as all that's mentioned in the sourced article about the attack buttons is that there are four of them, but it would also be false, since there are multiple different presets for button configurations (me saying that is original research, but I think it's fair to include as an explanation for why it wouldn't make sense to include specific buttons.) benǝʇᴉɯ 01:38, 4 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Looks better now you changed it to "The four attack buttons". FunkMonk (talk) 13:35, 6 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "correspond to different parts of each character's body" Like what? And whose body, the player's?
  • "PlayStation users required the PlayStation Multitap." "PlayStation users" is redundant, could just say layer.
  • "sharing a single kill meter" Put it in quotation marks as elsewhere.
  • "Stages include Dante's Cage, the Crematorium, Sacrificial Ruins, Chamber of Anguish, the Lavatory, Insane Asylum, Slaughterhouse of Flesh, Sewer of Styx, Sinner's Cell, and Homicide Avenue." Shouldn't all these names be in quotation marks?
  • Seen this, Benmite?
  • FunkMonk I have to add that I'm not sure how necessary it is to use quotation marks for each mention of Thrill Kills or the kill meter. The articles for Mortal Kombat (a Good Article) and Fatalities, which were seemingly the inspiration for Thrill Kills, never use quotation marks around the term Fatality. Another video game GA, Viewtiful Joe, only uses quotation marks around each unique term in the game once, and any following mention of them is made without quotation marks. I can look for more examples, but I think it becomes clear after the first use of quotation marks that Thrill Kills and the kill meter are game-specific terms. benǝʇᴉɯ 01:38, 4 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
In that case, you should be consistent so that after first mention of a term in the article body, it is not mentioned with quotation marks again, which happens a few places. FunkMonk (talk) 13:35, 6 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  •  Done
  • "A demon and the Goddess of Secrets, who, out of boredom, gathers the other fighters to fight to the death for a chance at being reincarnated." This is repeated word for word from the start of the Characters section. Is there some way to shorten it, or write something else about her? Like a physical description?
    • I can add that she's the final boss of the game in Arcade Mode. A physical description would be original research unless I could find a source to back it up, but I've seen other video game GAs with plot and character summaries that would be considered OR, so I'm not sure how much of a dealbreaker this would be. benǝʇᴉɯ 05:18, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The main problem is the repetition, though, any way to rephrase it maybe, make it more concise? FunkMonk (talk) 15:47, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I just removed the first description of Marukka entirely. benǝʇᴉɯ 01:35, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Judas: A pair of conjoined twins connected at the torso." But what was their sin?
    • That's the thing, the game never really goes into any detail about how Judas ended up with the rest of the characters. This is acknowledged in the Hardcore Gaming 101 article as well: So here's a Siamese twin with one brother sharing each end of the same torso. Straight to hell they go, then! Despite the non-existant [sic] reasoning on why they're in hell, this is actually a pretty cool design for a subboss. benǝʇᴉɯ 05:18, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Could it be stated here and for the one below that no reasons are given then? FunkMonk (talk) 15:47, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done benǝʇᴉɯ 01:35, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Imp: A dwarf "leather daddy" with a hatred for tall people, who died after sticking stilts into his legs." Doesn't sound like much of a sin?
    • Again, discussed in the aforementioned source: Curiously, it’s never stated that he actually ever murdered anybody, much like the rest of the cast did. Maybe he just hated tall people really hard. benǝʇᴉɯ 05:18, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After E3 1998" You should introduce E3, "the games convention E3" or such.
Not a big deal, but I'd do it at least. FunkMonk (talk) 15:47, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "But it really sucked, too." Were any reasons given?
    • Unsure. Went to the archive of the sourced article and got an SWF file, tried to open it using Ruffle and only about two lines of the original text showed up onscreen. If this quote being too short is enough of an issue, I can remove it entirely. benǝʇᴉɯ 05:18, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Seems many issues are online on various sites, here are some for example:[1] But I don't think t should be removed if you can't find the issue. FunkMonk (talk) 15:47, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Video game piracy seems like a good match? Perhaps that article should also be tweaked so it mentions bootlegs? FunkMonk (talk) 15:47, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done benǝʇᴉɯ 01:35, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "whom get sent to Hell after dying, being made by Marukka, the Goddess of Secrets, to fight to the death" A bit confusingly written. Could there be less interposed sentence so that it flows better? For example "being made to fight to the death by Marukka, the Goddess of Secrets", or similar.
  • FunkMonk: I replied to some of your notes. benǝʇᴉɯ 05:18, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
You there, Benmite? Replied above. FunkMonk (talk) 22:59, 29 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@FunkMonk: Replied to some of your notes. benǝʇᴉɯ 01:35, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good to me now, so I'll go ahead and promote. FunkMonk (talk) 07:46, 7 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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