Jump to content

Talk:This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sufur222 (talk · contribs) 13:13, 4 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Let's see: the content is mostly fine, but it's the grammar and formatting that are letting it down.

Lead

  • "singer-songwriter, Porcelain Black" → the comma should be after Porcelain Black.
  • "rock jam" → a bit colloquial - "draws influences from the genre of rock" sounds more encyclopedic.
  • "Debut" image and sounds → remove "debut", as her sound hasn't really changed during her career.
  • "The song was accompanied by a music video for the song was shot and directed by Sanaa Hamri and released on March 27, 2011." - poorly structured: also look to avoid repetition of "the song", especially as this is a new paragraph. "A music video for "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like", shot and directed by Sanaa Hamri, was released on March 27, 2011." reads better.
  • "Type of revenge" → "form of revenge"

Background and release

  • "the song performer", "the song producer", etc. - unnecessary, and doesn't read that well. You don't really need to provide the real names of the artists involved if they usually go by a stage name, as long as you remember to Wikilink them the first time. However, if you want to, then the sentence could read: "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like" was written by Porcelain Black, Lil Wayne, RedOne, Bilal Hajji and Luxe Noir, with RedOne providing the song's production. In the song's writing credits, Porcelain Black and Lil Wayne are credited under their real names, Alaina Beaton and Dwayne Carter, Jr. respectively."
  • A point that applies to the whole article - as Porcelain Black is not her real name, she should not be referred to as "Black" throughout the article as this method of shortening only applies to official surnames. See the use of Alex da Kid in the article for "Love the Way You Lie" as an example. Although calling her "Porcelain Black" each time seems repetitive, that's how it works.
  • "wanting to be a guest feature on the track" → "where he expressed an interest in adding his vocals to the song".
  • "The song's single cover was revealed on March 21, 2011, together with a snippet of the song." → "The single cover for "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like" was revealed on March 21, 2011, alongside a snippet of the song." Adjust ref positions as appropriate.
  • "release physically" → "released physically"
  • "CD Single" → "Single" does not need to be capitalized.
  • "Following Black's second single" → following what about it? Should read "Following the release of Porcelain Black's second single".
  • When you say that R3hab "reworked" the song, the reader might not instantly presume that this means he released a remix of it - assume that every reader is stupid. How about → "R3hab produced a remix of "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like," making it available for free download through SoundCloud on January 24, 2012".
  • "Black celebrated the remix, noting," → "Porcelain Black complimented R3hab's remix in an interview with MTV News, commenting that she "wish[ed] his..."

Music and lyrics

  • "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like" is an in-your-face rock jam, which is set to remind listeners to be proud of who they are." → Described as "in-your-face", "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like" draws influences from the genre of rock and power pop (see below), whilst containing elements of "roaring" guitars and lyrics which aim to remind listeners to be proud of who they are." Basically same issue as in lead. Also, put quotation marks around colloquial phrases and certain adjectives, especially if they are quoted from the sources.
  • "This Is What Rock n' Roll Looks Like" "daringly" fuses roaring guitars with thunderous dance-pop." → this sentence could probably be incorporated into the paragraph opener, as I've done above. "Daringly" also seems a bit POV, as it doesn't directly say this in the reference.
  • "Although the songs title" → "Although the song's title"
  • "Noicecreep" → Noisecreep.

 Done Pausing here. --Thevampireashlee (talk) 00:50, 5 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

  • "Pop contributions" → just "production" is fine. Also, I wouldn't say the production was "shocking" - "surprised" is probably a strong enough work to cover both observations.
  • Remove the section about the Idolator poll - completely unnecessary to the point being made. Also can't find it on the page in question.
  • "production by stating that it" → "production, observing that it" - it doesn't become good just because a famous musician could have used it.
  • "shocking and electric" → "shocking" and "electric".
  • "commenting on Porcelain Black as" → "describing Porcelain Black as".
  • "dubbed the song," → remove comma.

Music video

* The sentence about Birdman doesn't have a reference.

Performances and usage in media

  • "as she pranced across the stage" → "whilst prancing across...", to avoid repetition.
  • AOL should not be linked, as it has been linked earlier in the article, and nor should it be in italics as it is not a physically published work. Same with linking of Idolator (also not physically published) and Lady GaGa.
  • "was criticize" → "was criticized"

Track listings

  • The title of the section should be "Track listing", but otherwise fine.

Charts

  • Considered using Template:singlechart? It would make the table look neater - style it on this table if you can, as well as to see how the use of the template is applied.

References Ah. Quite a lot needs to be done here. You can view the Wikicode for individual ref formatting below by clicking on the "Edit" button if you need to.

  • Date format should be same for each one - i.e. either yyyy-mm-dd or month day, year (i.e. January 3, 2012). Be consistent.
  • Refs 2, 5, 6, 28 and 33 should all be formatted in the same way: |work=Rap-Up|publisher=Devin Lazerine (remember to only link on the first usage of each one, so in this case Rap-Up should be linked in ref 2.
  • Ref 3 - don't shout in refs: uncapitalize "WHAT ROCK N ROLL LOOKS LIKE" to "What Rock N Roll Looks Like".
  • Avoid using Discogs as a reference for track listings, as it is mostly put together by the users of the site itself. Use a digital retailer such as iTunes or Amazon.
  • Ref 11 - add author, date of publication, work and publisher should read |work=''MTV News''|publisher=MTV Networks
  • Ref 12 - should be formatted as Cheung, Nadine (April 14, 2011). "Porcelain Black, 'This is What Rock N Roll Looks Like' Feat. Lil Wayne – New Song". AOL Radio. AOL. Retrieved November 4, 2012. {{cite web}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |work= (help) The dates can be in whatever format you choose. Remember to use an endash (one of these –) in the title
  • Ref 14 - Gerrick D. Kennedy → Kennedy, Gerrick D. - also, Latimesblogs.latimes.com → work=Los Angeles Times|publisher=Tribune Company
  • Ref 15 - replace current ref with this. Porcelain Black should be listed as the publisher, as it is her website. Alternately, you could list Universal Republic, her label, as the publisher, or both. That's your choice.
  • Refs 16 and 25 - should be |work=''Idolator''|publisher=Buzz Media. Don't wikilink in ref 25, and add author for ref 16 as well as removing "| Music News, Reviews...", etc. from the title.
  • Ref 19 does not work. If you can't find a replacement, then remove it and the content it cites. The Wayback Machine may be able to help.
  • Refs 20-23: replace all of these with references from Billboard's website. To do this, go here, enter "Porcelain Black" into the "Artist" box, make sure that the "All weeks" option is selected, click "Submit" and all of the chart weeks for the song will appear, so that you can choose which ever ones you want. Also use this in the "Charts" table (if you choose the singlechart option I mentioned earlier, then you will need her artistID anyway, which is 902554. Again, see LTWYL article for this in action.
  • Ref 24 - author is Steven Gottlieb, "Video Static.com" → "Video Static"
  • Ref 25 - questionable reliablity, replace with this one.
  • Ref 26 - missing author, publication date. Also, Noisecreep is published by AOL, so it should also be listed as the publisher.
  • Ref 27 - why not link directly to Vevo?
  • Ref 29 - should be formatted as Cognata, Sabina (April 1, 2011). "Music Video Premiere: Porcelain Black Premieres Her Video For "This Is What Rock N Roll Looks Like"". WXRK. CBS Radio. Retrieved November 4, 2012. Again, the dates can be in whatever format you choose.
  • Ref 30 - site no longer exists, find replacement or remove along with content.
  • Ref 31 - format in same way as ref 12, but replace AOL Radio with "The Boombox".
  • Ref 32 - format in the same way as ref 12 (do not link AOL Radio or AOL).
  • Ref 33 - same as ref 26
  • Ref 36 - same as ref 12, but replace AOL Radio with AOL Music.
  • Ref 37 - |work=MTV News|publisher=MTV Networks. Also, publication date?
  • Ref 38 - News Corporation should also be listed as a publisher. Also, publication date?

Whew. I think that's everything. Don't be disheartened by the number of comments - the actual content is perfectly unbiased, broad and detailed, but there are a lot of formatting and grammar issues that need to be addressed before I can pass this. I will place the review on hold for a week so that my comments can be addressed - please contact me if you have any further queries regarding anything I've said here, as I'll be happy to explain anything in further detail. I Am Rufus • Conversation is a beautiful thing. 13:22, 4 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  •  Done Resolved everything you asked, minus the one entry on the direct quote. I can fix that if you find it necessary. I was completely unable to locate any reliable sources on the tracklisting -- both for the European CD single and the remix EPs, so I omitted mention of them entirely. Discogs was the only source, and it could very well be made up. --Thevampireashlee (talk) 15:49, 7 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Well done addressing my comments - the prose is massively improved, and the references are mostly fine now. There are a few small styling fixes to be made, as some of the refs from the same publisher are formatted slightly differently, but I'll fix these myself to save time. I've also replaced the LilWayneHQ reference, as it's actually a fansite and thus unreliable. A support will soon follow... I Am Rufus • Conversation is a beautiful thing. 17:59, 7 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'm eager to see your changes, so I can carry over those editing tips to other articles that I edit. At any rate, I realized after that the Lil Wayne website was a fan site. I double-checked Lil Wayne's article and realized his official site is located elsewhere. Thanks for making these changes by the way, and I'm glad we could work together on this. This article is the first article I ever created on Wikipedia; it's amazing to see if finally reaching GA quality. :) --Thevampireashlee (talk) 20:57, 7 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        • The very last thing of all - the date format of the references should follow the American standard, as Porcelain Black is an American artist. (i.e. 06 August 2011 → August 6, 2011) There are no date issues in the text, so again I'll fix these myself. Most territories outside the US use the one you have employed (the UK and Europe mainly) so bear that in mind for the future. I Am Rufus • Conversation is a beautiful thing. 21:06, 7 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All issues appear to have been resolved, so I feel comfortable passing this article. Impressive dedication from you to resolve that huge list of issues, and I see nothing wrong with this being a good article as it falls in line with the criteria. I hope you write many more in the future! I Am Rufus • Conversation is a beautiful thing. 21:23, 7 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:This_Is_What_Rock_n%27_Roll_Looks_Like/GA1&oldid=521888176"