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Talk:Thiruvilaiyadal/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Dr. Blofeld (talk · contribs) 14:35, 14 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

May take up to five days.♦ Dr. Blofeld 14:35, 14 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Reading now.♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:18, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

Copyedited myself

Plot
  • "Dhatchayini disobeys him and goes only to be insulted by Dhatchan. Dhatchayini curses her father and returns to Shiva who is angry with her for disobeying him." -rep of disobeys
 Done Changed the sentence. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:34, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • " leaves the kingdom immediately, leaving " -rep of leave
 Done Changed the sentence. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:34, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Cast
  • "called by the names " -"also referred to as"?
 Done Changed. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:34, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Production
  • "shows his sense of right and wrong as being so precise that he confronts Shiva when he commits an error in composing a poem. " -awkward, no idea what you mean by "as being so precise". Do you mean something like The scene in the film, which exaggerates the sensitivity of Tamil poet Nakkeerar to right and wrong when he confronts Shiva over an error in his poem, laid the foundation for Thiruvilaiyadal."
 Done Changed the sentence. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:42, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "five sections" - "five parts" would probably seem more natural here.
 Done Changed. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:42, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "portrayal of Goddess Parvati was the first on-screen portrayal" -Rep of portrayal
 Done Changed the sentence. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:42, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • sceness ?
 Done Changed to "scenes". Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:42, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Vasu Studios" - , in Chennai (for those non Tamil folk)
 Done. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:42, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "scenes.[15] When he learned that Ganesan's arrival was delayed because his make-up for the scene not been completed, he asked Nagarajan whether they could film any remaining solo scenes. These included a scene where Dharumi rants about his misfortune in the Meenakshi Amman Temple.[15] While filming the scene, " -five mentions of the word "scene" in two sentences!!
 Done Changed the wording. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:49, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • " According to Nagesh, the scene was inspired by two assistant directors discussing whether Ganesan would be ready before or after lunch — one said he would be ready while the other said he would not — and by a passerby he spotted near the tank located at Adikesava Perumal temple, Mylapore talking to himself about how the world had fallen on bad times" -difficult to follow here, can you find a way to copyedit and rephrase?
 Done Changed the wording. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:49, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "scenes. Ganesan was unaware that Nagesh was also present during the screening. After watching the scenes twice, Ganesan asked Nagarajan not to remove a single frame of Nagesh's scenes from the final version of the film as he felt that they, along with Balaiah's scenes," -same problem with "scenes" -try Footage in places or something..
 Done Changed the wording. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:49, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Music

"The album received positive reviews from critics.[18] The songs "Pazham Neeyappa", "Oru Naal Podhuma", "Isai Thamizh" and "Paattum Naane" still remain popular among the Tamil diaspora.[18] Film historian Randor Guy stated in his 1997 book Starlight, Starbright: The Early Tamil Cinema that "Pazham Neeyappa", performed by Sundarambal, "became the favourite of millions".[38] Film producer and writer G. Dhananjayan called the songs "evergreen" and stated that they contributed to the film's success.[39] Meera Ramanathan of Behindwoods praised T. M. Soundararajan's singing in "Paattum Naane", saying: "The pronunciations, pitch and tone is perfect and for a moment we think that the almighty would sing with the same booming modulations."[40] On "Oru Naal Podhuma", another writer from the same website, Rekhs, said, "What's special about this song is the garland of ragas intertwined by the lyricist and the composer enchantingly, sung mellifluously by Dr Balamuralikrishna".[41] On "Vaasi Vaasi", which is based on the Neelambari raga, singer Charulatha Mani, writing for The Hindu, said it was: "a pure and pristine depiction of the raga in the ringing voice of K. B. Sundarambal".[42] Mani also praised M. Balamuralikrishna's rendition of "Oru Naal Podhuma".[28][29][43] Mana Baskaran of The Hindu Tamil described the album as: "an attractive package for all to listen to."[44" -I find this section a bit rambling and repetitive. I think you could remove a review or two or restructure in a way which flows better for the reader.

Can you give me an idea on how to go about it, Dr. Blofeld? It would be very useful. :) Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:58, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Something like:

"The album received positive reviews from critics, and the songs "Pazham Neeyappa", "Oru Naal Podhuma", "Isai Thamizh" and "Paattum Naane" still remain popular among the Tamil diaspora. The Film historian Randor Guy identifies "Pazham Neeyappa" in particular, performed by Sundarambal, as the "favourite of millions". Meera Ramanathan of Behindwoods was enthusiastic towards T. M. Soundararajan's treatment of "Paattum Naane", considering his pronunciations, pitch and tone to have reached perfection. The singer Charulatha Mani, writing for The Hindu, believed that K. B. Sundarambal had produced a "pure and pristine depiction" of the Neelambari raga in "Vaasi Vaasi", and expressed approval of M. Balamuralikrishna's rendition of "Oru Naal Podhuma". Mana Baskaran of The Hindu Tamil described the album as: "an attractive package for all to listen to."

I think that sort of thing needs doing throughout reception and legacy sections. Find a way to make it look more stylish and balanced, so it flows better.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:28, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: I have done as per your suggestion. Please do re-check again and let me know if there are any more changes to make. Thank you. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:43, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref for tracklist?
 Done Added references. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:56, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Release
  • "It ran for 25 weeks in Shanti, a theatre owned by Ganesan.[46] It also had a 25-week run in the Crown and Bhuvaneshwari theatres in Madras and in theatres across South India.[47]" -to avoid repeating 25 weeks here you could say "It ran for 25 weeks in Shanti, a theatre owned by Ganesan, and ran for the same duration in the Crown and Bhuvaneshwari theatres in Madras and in theatres across South India."
 Done Changed. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:55, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "be dubbed in the language since 1955 " -do we know the name of the 1955 film here? Perhaps a footnote or put it in brackets if known.
 Done Added a footnote. Dhananjayan does not mention the film's name nor the reason for the ban. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:55, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "showing his versatility" -"displaying versatility"?
 Done Changed. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:55, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is there nothing negative to say about the film at all? I've seen it, I know it's a great film, but somebody usually has something to say!
 Done Added one mixed review by S. Theodore Baskaran. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:10, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Legacy/In popular culture

Definitely overcooked this. Masses of it. It's too much. It looks more like a tribute. I'd chop it by a good half and merge into one section. The length I think should be about three paragraphs, similar to the length of the Legacy section. A possibility is creating a sub article on Influence of Thiruvilaiyadal and condense to a summary but I think people might question it's neutrality and legitimacy as an article and it wouldn't last long.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:02, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Overall I think we need to dial down on the sheer number of review comments and praise throughout. It's a pity there isn't more info available on production and themes given that it's a devotional epic of renown in India, but I can understand that.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:08, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Dr. Blofeld, I have created an article, Influence of Thiruvilaiyadal, as per your suggestion and have trimmed the Legacy and In Popular Culture sections and have merged them as well. Please do re-check it again. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:27, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Much much better, though I'm not sure how long the new article will last in its own right. I don't see why landmark/influential films in a given cinema industry shouldn't have such articles but they really need to be very well done with scholarly material I think to stick.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:35, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've given the critical reception section a copyedit. The production could do with sharpening up a bit before I'm ready to pass too.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:48, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: That is also why I delayed my work on the article (I was planning to do it this January-February). I couldn't find proper scholarly material and hardly any information on the sections before. Most of them were all "praises, praises and praises" like "This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to us!" and even if there are any information on the Production, they are not clearly stated and it is quite difficult to follow and interpret what the interviewee is saying. It is that way with most Indian articles but as of now, the article looks very much better with your useful suggestions. Thank you once again, Dr. Blofeld for undertaking the review. What is your favourite portion in the film? Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:50, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps User:Ssven2 can relay what I said about it after seeing it. I think I said I liked the comic scenes in the palace and the Kailash setting at the beginning with the fruit.♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:52, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: I am very happy to hear that, Dr. Blofeld. I will copyedit the production section now. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:55, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I'll come back to this in a few hours time and give it another read.♦ Dr. Blofeld 12:04, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
@Dr. Blofeld: I have copyedited the production section, Dr. Blofeld. Please do give it another read in your own time and let me know if there are any more changes to make. Thank you. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 12:27, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Given that Mayyam is not a reliable source, I think we shall only keep the names of the media articles appearing in the site's pages. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:02, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
@Kailash29792: Yes, that would be good. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 13:06, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Right now I'm going out. But you can do one thing: the Mayyam refs may stay, but the title/publisher info of the Mayyam refs should be what is the title/publisher info of the newspaper/magazine articles appearing in Mayyam. Kailash29792 (talk) 13:12, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
@Kailash29792: Done as per your suggestion. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 13:53, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: Anything more to change, Dr. Blofeld? :) Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 10:44, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Let me give it another now.♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:46, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

What do you mean by Oru Kanniyum Moonu Kalavaanikalum (2014), compares how the gods summon a touchscreen on which the faces of various humans appear like icons that are used on mobile apps, to the way Shiva plays his divine games by intervening in human affairs in Thiruvilaiyadal. I don't quite follow what you're trying to at here? Do you mean Oru Kanniyum Moonu Kalavaanikalum (2014) likens the way Shiva plays his divine games by intervening in human affairs in Thiruvilaiyadal to the use of touchscreen human face icons on mobile apps?♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:10, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: Yes. I have made the change as per your suggestion. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:15, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    B. MoS compliance:
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:

Much improved, good job!♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:21, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: Thank you very much for undertaking the review, Dr. Blofeld. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:23, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Keep up the great work, look forward to reviewing the next one. Any idea what that might be?♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:26, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dr. Blofeld: I will probably start on Nayakan (1987) but that will be after my doing my research on my Final Year Project, which will keep me busy until mid-to-late December. Thamizhan1994 (Appo Pesu) 11:28, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

That would be good, Ssven has been on to me about watching that which I'll get around to by the time you're written it!♦ Dr. Blofeld 11:31, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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