Talk:Theresienstadt Ghetto/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 13:39, 11 November 2018 (UTC)
Opening statement
[edit]I am reviewing this article as the WikiProject Germany Coordinator, and am on good terms with the article nominator, Catrìona.
In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use 
Done, 
Fixed, 
Added, 
Not done, 
Doing..., or 
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —Vami♜_IV♠ 13:39, 11 November 2018 (UTC)
Images
[edit]Do note that I am not knowledgeable in Wikipedia copyright, so this section is coming from my limited experience with it.
- File:Plan Theresienstadt.jpg is not properly tagged. Needs some copyright notices like Template:PD-1923.
Removed The image was created during World War II, so it's not PD-1923 and I can't find unambiguous evidence that it is PD at all, so I just got rid of it. After a web search, I could not find any relevant maps that were obviously PD.
- God above, I hate it when that happens. –Vami
Background
[edit]Opened on 22 September 1784
Change to "Founded" or "established". "Opening" a town sounds kind of weird when you've first invented it.
Done
History
[edit]Deportees to the camp had to surrender all possessions except for 50 kilograms (110 lb) luggage,
50 kgs of luggage, or only items within 50 kgs?
- 50 kgs of luggage, clarified
used creative methods in order to improve the infrastructure
What methods exactly?
- Rothkirchen is very vague in this point; she says "Thanks to the ingenious activities of the Work Detail [Aufbaukommando] the dilapidated and neglected compound was transformed..." I think there are more details in Bondy; I'll add them later.
- Done
- Rothkirchen is very vague in this point; she says "Thanks to the ingenious activities of the Work Detail [Aufbaukommando] the dilapidated and neglected compound was transformed..." I think there are more details in Bondy; I'll add them later.
Footnote "b" would be better in the prose, divided from the sentence its attached to with a semicolon, for some extra punch.
Not done Adler's book, although first published in English in 2017, was actually written in 1955. Although very complete in some respects, the figures for returnees are considerably inaccurate (compared to later estimates). Basically, he had access to a reasonable count of people who had registered as returnees in Czechoslovakia, but only educated guesses for the number of survivors from Germany, Austria, etc., which in this case he ignored and only stated the number of known survivors from the Protectorate. His estimate of survivors from the Theresienstadt family camp is a significant underestimate compared with the Terezín Initiative's latest figures. In this particular case, I don't have a newer estimate. Because of these caveats, I think it would be undue weight to include it in the text, and perhaps I should get rid of it entirely.
- I agree that it should probably be cut if its not iron-clad. If you keep it, expand it.
- Removed
- I agree that it should probably be cut if its not iron-clad. If you keep it, expand it.
For the next seven months,
Redundant, remove.
- Removed
(German: Zählappel) [...] (German: Verschönerung)
Axe.
- Removed Zählappel. I think it's reasonable to keep Verschönerung, because the majority of English language sources discussing it mention that this is the German word and there seems to be a strong association with Theresienstadt.
resulting in about 300 deaths
From sickness related to the cold or outright freezing to death?
- Rothkirchen says that the 300 deaths occurred on the field while the SS were counting, from "exhaustion and fatigue".
- Include in prose? –Vami
- Done
- Include in prose? –Vami
- Rothkirchen says that the 300 deaths occurred on the field while the SS were counting, from "exhaustion and fatigue".
and were probably dumped in the nearby Eger River.
"Probably" sounds very wobbly. Remove this clause.
- All of the post-Adler sources that mention this incident unambiguously state that it occurred. I cited one and removed the word "probably".
- Excellent, thank you. –Vami
- All of the post-Adler sources that mention this incident unambiguously state that it occurred. I cited one and removed the word "probably".
Jewish self-administration
[edit]which heightened the rates of starvation for elderly Jews in particular.
Remove "rates of".
- Done
Youth Welfare Office
I did a Ctrl+F for this and found no description of this organization previously in the text. Could you write about them some more?
- I added a little bit of information. However, most of the sources focus on what the Youth Welfare Office did and very little on what it was.
Note on stability
[edit]Please make further major edits not directed by reviewer after the review. The article stops being stable and I have to go back to review the content added. –Vami♜_IV♠ 14:25, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
Cultural life
[edit]- Please discuss Brundibár in this section.
- Done
GA progress
[edit]Good Article review progress box
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