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Talk:The Wedding of River Song/GA1

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Reviewer: Sarastro1 (talk · contribs) 20:44, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Looks pretty good generally. A few nit-picks and minor points to sort out, but nothing major and feel free to argue on any of the points. I also did some minor copy-editing, but just revert anything you are not happy with. Sarastro1 (talk) 21:52, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • "It was written by showrunner Steven Moffat": Is there a better description of Moffat than the rather informal "showrunner". Lead writer? Executive producer?
  • "to escape his supposed death at the hands of the Silence": Not too sure that "supposed" covers this. To all intents and purposes, he was killed, and not by the Silence either. What about just plain "death", or perhaps "apparent death" would work better.
  • "where all of time is running at once and collapsing": A bit vague. And "simultaneously" would be better than "at once". What about "which is causing its collapse".
  • "With his escape plan figured out": I think this could be cut, and maybe just add how his escape is revealed at the end of the episode.
  • ""The Wedding of River Song" concludes the arc of the series": A bit ambiguous; what about "the story arc of the series". However, you have two "series" in one sentence at the moment.
  • "It also pays tribute to the classic series character Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, who is said to have died, due to the death of actor Nicholas Courtney the preceding February": Too much going on here. Perhaps cut "the preceding February" for a start. And does the episode pay tribute simply by having the Brig die?
  • "and received positive to mixed reviews from critics": I'm not a fan of this phrasing in TV articles, as it is basically OR. Positive to mixed really just means "mixed", otherwise we have editorial voice providing its own summary of reviews.
  • "While visual elements were praised, the story received mixed reception in regards to characters and the resolution.": Perhaps "Although visual elements of the story were praised, the characters and resolution of the episode received a mixed reception."

Plot

  • Not sure about the weighting here. The plot section is roughly one third of the article, and in my view needs to be cut a little.
    • I'll try to work on it. I tried earlier but there are just so many elements to the plot.... Glimmer721 talk
  • Also, the plot section does not really reflect the twisty nature of the plot; the back-and-forth between the "present" and the "flashback". For example, the episode opens with Churchill. But I'm not sure of a neat way to do this.
  • "which enable them to avoid the memory alterations caused by the Silence.": Not sure this is quite correct; did they not simply record the images so that the wearer could remember what happened, rather than prevent memory alterations?
    • I've reworded it to be more vague, as the actual specifics are not elaborated on. Either way it did prevent the wearer from forgetting. It's something about forging a neural pathway to remind the wearer of the Silence. Glimmer721 talk 20:28, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I won't offer any further comment on this section until the above points are addressed or answered (feel free to argue, by the way!).
  • Continuity (I'm never too sure how encyclopaedic these sections are, but that is just me): "In "Forest of the Dead", River whispers something in the Doctor's ear that makes him trust her, which the Doctor states just before her death was "my name" and that "There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name"." Worth mentioning that the Doctor whispers something to River in "Let's Kill Hitler"?
    • I don't think that's been commented upon by any of the sources I've read, but if something is revealed in the actual series then it will be added. There's also the comment in the Confidential for "A Good Man Goes to War" that the Gallifreyan name on the cot was the Doctor's name - implying that if River could read Gallifreyan, then she would know his name. Both hinge on speculation at the present moment. Glimmer721 talk 20:28, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also, just to check (and apologies if I have raised this with you before), is it common in TV articles to refer to characters by their first name (i.e. River, rather than Song)? Not a big deal either way.

Production

  • "concludes the arc of the Doctor's apparent death which began in the series opener, "The Impossible Astronaut", as well as more pieces of River Song's timeline.": Again, "story arc" may be more accessible for the general reader. Also, as written, this suggests that the episode "concludes … more pieces of River Song's timeline". Maybe reword the last part to "and resolves more parts of River Song's timeline".
  • "Several previous characters reappear in the episode": How can you have a "previous character". Perhaps just cut "previous".
  • Done, "reappear" does cover it. Glimmer721 talk 20:28, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "…which was also the inspiration for the previous Doctor Who Christmas special.": Is this relevant to the episode at hand?
  • "As her director is Richard Senior, the sequence was most likely shot during the making of "Let's Kill Hitler".": I'm afraid I neither understand this nor see its relevance.

Broadcast and reception

General

  • Spotchecks reveal no major problems
  • One image, appropriately licences.
  • No dablinks, and external links seem fine.

I'll place this on hold for the moment, but don't foresee any major problems with passing. Sarastro1 (talk) 21:52, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've fixed the minor issues and will work on the bigger ones. Glimmer721 talk 20:28, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've done some strikes. I'll have another look at the plot section later and see if I have any solutions as I appreciate the difficulties here. It's not the easiest story to summarise. Otherwise, looking very good. Sarastro1 (talk) 12:06, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Went through the plot and cut some detail out. I've checked out some TV episode pages of shows that often use flashbacks/flash-sideways (like Lost, which I have never seen) and in the plot sections they are put in a separate section or paragraph from the main plot, so I think the current structure would suffice. Glimmer721 talk 17:16, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • OK, good to go now. My one remaining query (and this may be my memory failing): when River went to see Amy, I don't remember it being after Amy had witnessed the Doctor's death, but rather after the events that had ... sort of ... not really happened in this story. But I suspect you may know better than me on this one, so passing anyway. Sarastro1 (talk) 19:14, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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