Talk:The Way You Love Me (Keri Hilson song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Adabow (talk · contribs) 08:05, 23 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

There are a few dablinks and a redirecting EL to fix via the tool to the right. Adabow (talk · contribs) 08:05, 23 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Add release date to infobox

It was never released. Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

So what is November 7, 2010? Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:04, 26 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

It leaked online on that date. Jivesh • Talk2Me 06:39, 26 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Then say so. Adabow (talk · contribs) 07:06, 26 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Genres are R&B and dance-pop, others are influences Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Needs to be fixed in prose, too. Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:04, 26 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"a R&B song" → an R&B song Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Link Polow da Don Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"An unedited version of the song surfaced online on November 7, 2010. Its explicit lyrics fueled controversy, with music critics accusing the singer of swerving into a racy lane." - merge sentences Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Quotes need to be sourced directly afterwards, even in the lead Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Background and conception

I think this section should simply be titled "Background" Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
""The Way You Love Me" was written by Stanley Benton, India Boodram, Paul Dawson, Hilson, Kesia Hollins, Jazmyn Michel as well as William Roberts and was " - why the "as well as"? Removed Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Before the release of the album" - name the album Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"and received a music video" - reword Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Remove "— bikini and boots —" Removed Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"uses the word "Fuck"" - lower case 'f' Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"The song features additional vocals from rapper, Rick Ross." - this should be stated earlier or removed altogether Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"The line "I got the kind of lovin’ that’ll keep you out the streets" was replaced by "I got the kind of pussy that’ll keep you out the streets"" - errm, I think you mean the other way around Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"and the word "fuck" was omitted in several places in the lyrical arrangement while in some other places, it was replaced with the word "thug"" → and the word "fuck" was replaced with the word "thug", while in others it was removed altogether Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"I was excited for [Keri Hilson]" - remove Keri per WP:SURNAME Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Per MOS:QUOTE you should not link inside quotes Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Also the direct lyrical modifications are not sourced. Adabow (talk · contribs) 04:10, 26 April 2011 (UTC) Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Controversy

Would this section not be better as a sub-section of "reception"? Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"The song has been criticized for its explicit lyrics, that features the hook "Fuck me, fuck me", and the line "I got the kinda..." → The song has been criticized for its explicit lyrics, particularly the lines "Fuck me, fuck me" and "I got the kinda Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"she was not making any apologies for the explicit lyrics as well as the provocative video" → she would not apologize for the explicit lyrics or the provocative video Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Link Perez Hilton Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"She also said that did not care if it has had some bad reviews, because she knows some women are "empowered" by its message." → She also dismissed the neative reviews, because she knew some women were "empowered" by its message. Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

Indicate that R&B and dance-pop are the dominant genres Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"which generates influences" is poor grammar Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"It features a squealing synth" → It features a "squealing" synth Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Say who Single Ladies is by Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Indicate that the press release is by Interscope Records Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
You can't sandwich two quotes together like you have. Also the ellipses between "very night" and "I'm talking about" do not need brackets Removed Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"she utters gasps and groans, like 'oohs and aahs' while delivering the lyrics" - rewrite Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"I got the kind of lovin’ that’ll keep you out the streets [...]" - use the explicit lyric here. Also the ellipses at the end are redundant; remove Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

I think you should retitle this section "Reception" Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Caroline Sullivan of The Guardian said that all the five songs Hilson penned for No Boys Allowed, with the exception of the "frantic electronic firework 'The Way You Love Me', are too featureless to make an impression."" - focus this on TWYLM

This is what i did by adding "with the exception..." Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:43, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Hilson gets a certain energy out of bossiness" - rewrite Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"pretty far" seems a bit informal to me Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"He also added that it sometimes seems as if it were not a man at all she wants to boss around but Rihanna." - explain

There is information (i mean an explanation) about this on the link but i cannot understand what he reviewer wants to say. Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"most emblematic track on the entire record" - what record? Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Unlink "the soundtrack to a straight-to-DVD Showgirls" and italicise and link Showgirls Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"as one of the high points that are worth digging out and called its content" - rewrite in your own words

Can you suggest something please? Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Chris Parkin Yahoo! Music commented that the "fantastic banger 'The Way you Love Me' [...], [a] filthy song, that makes like the oversexed, doolally cousin of Beyoncé Knowles' "Crazy in Love" (2003)." - umm what? Rewrite

Hmmm even if i put it into quotes? Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Idolator's staff members commented "The Way you Love Me" as being " grammatically incorrect Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"They also said that vocals of Hilson sound "less like they was..."" - the source actually quotes "less like it was..." Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:59, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Music video

Link music video Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"According to Rap-Up, "they work their charm on the boys" - who are "they"? Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Who is "Al Jammal"? (I think it is Polow da Don, so use his stage name instead) Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Per WP:SURNAME, you don't need to mention people's first names if you have already written their whole name earlier Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"After Hilson assures Jammal that she can handle it" - what?

It's like a conversation between them. Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"As Rick Ross' verse begins, Columbus Short, Polow da Don, and him" → As Ross' verse begins, he, Short and da Do n Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Suddenly, her crew all pull out their guns, but not before Short (who has turned out to be Hilson's target) is able to respond by having his men pull out their guns." - rewrite to make it sound less like a creative fictional novel. This is an encyclopaedia Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Music critics universally criticized because of the limited amount of clothing Hilson wore in the video" - missing word(s) here
"while Jocelyn Vena the same news division of MTV commented that even there are several cameo appearances in the mini-move" - rewrite Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Billboard Magazine" → Billboard Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Vibe Magazine" → Vibe Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Niki A. M. of Vibe Magazine commented Hilson" - rewrite Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The ellipses before "men reeled over" are unneeded Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Becky Bain, writing for Idolator stated that " - add a comma after Idolator. Unlink Idolator as it is linked in above sections Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"the stilted dialog between Hilson and Columbus Short near the end of the mini-movie as well as the former's delivery makes the scene come off" - rewrite Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:00, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

References

Adelaide Now → Sunday Mail Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:40, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The Allmusic ref should use {{Allmusic}} Done Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:46, 2 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Summary

Quite a bit of work to do here; review is on hold for seven days. Adabow (talk · contribs) 09:16, 23 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

OK, looks fine. Passing now. Adabow (talk · contribs) 10:52, 7 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]