Talk:The Simpsons (franchise)/GA1
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Reviewer: Music2611 (talk · contribs) 16:55, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
Good day, I'll be reviewing your article today, I shall return asap with comments.--Music26/11 16:55, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
First of all, how annoying must it be to nominate this article in January and get a review five to six months later, especially since nobody replied on the peer review either. I cannot apologize on behalf of Wikipedia or anything of the sort, but I feel the need to share my sympathies on that. Second, this article definitly has potential and I think most of the comments I've written down adress tiny errors, it is mostly the "main characters" section that needs improvement as far as I'm concerned. But overall, you, and those who have contributed to it alongside of you have done a great job.
Introduction
[edit]- Nothing much here, the only thing, the sentence "The Simpsons Movie, a feature length film, was released in 2007 and was the eighth highest grossing film of the year". Two things, one, you might consider rephrasing it to "and was a commercial and critical success" or something of the sort, but that might be a question of personal taste. Second, it seems somewhat misplaced in the second paragraph, as this paragraph is about merchandise, perhaps making it the final sentence of the first paragraph would be better, as that paragraph is about the other media the characters have been featured in besides the TV series.
Creation
[edit]The final sentence "Bart was modeled after Groening's older brother, Mark, but given a different name which was chosen as an anagram of "brat"." Can be removed, in my opinion, since it has already been said that Groening based the characters on his own family, and the name part is adressed in the 'characters' section.
Fixed. (t) Josve05a (c) 09:14, 3 July 2014 (UTC)
Themes
[edit]- The sentence "The series centers on a family and their life in a typical American town" is a bit repetitive, first of all, "a family", you've already adressed the fact that the show revolves around a family in the previous section, so "a family" could be replaced with "The Simpson family". Second, the sentence might be better as the opening for the section, as the "town" part of it is currently explained in the current first sentence of the section.
Who is Al Jean, is he a writer, co-creator? Please specify.- Fixed. (t) Josve05a (c) 13:43, 3 July 2014 (UTC)
- What do you mean by "has dealt with" most of the major religions?
Main Characters
[edit]- The thing that bothers me about this section is, what do you tell about each character? For instance, the part about Marge has information on why she looks the way she does, while the parts on Homer and Bart have info on their influence. I personally think it would be best to stick to info on their personality and perhaps their influence. But make sure the info is about even, I don't think information about how their voices came to be, or why Marge has her hair like that is relevant in this section, but if you do wish to include it give information about the looks of the other characters as well. I hope you get my drift here, because I'm having a bit of trouble putting to words what I intend to say here. Also, perhaps making a new section titled "influence" might be better for a lot of info in this section, the George HW Bush story for instance, seems somewhat anecdotal to me, as well as the info on the "lisa the vegetarian" episode.
- I don't know if it is correct to say "The main characters of the show is the Simpsons family", members is plural, yet family is singular. Perhaps rephrasing to "The main characters of the show are the members of the Simpsons family" will fix this.
- Be careful with a sentence like "Homer has since become one of the most influential fictional characters," the question is always according to whom? I can't acces the source that backs this up, but perhaps saying that he has become very influential, or one of the most influential fictional characters according to [source], might be better. (You do do this in the part about Bart). You see there's always the possibility of people saying he is not.
- The final part of this section, can be moved to the "creation" section, I feel that is a better place for the info.
The Tracey Ullman Show
[edit]- "Georgie Peluse was the colorist and the person who decided to make the characters yellow" Is there info as to why he did this, and perhaps this information would be more suitable in the "main characters" or "creation" section?
The Simpsons
[edit]- Copied sentence "The Simpsons takes place in the fictional American town of Springfield, without any geographical coordinates or references to U.S. states that might identify which part of the country it represents". Can be removed.
- "In addition to the main cast, Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille, Marcia Wallace, Maggie Roswell, and Russi Taylor voice supporting characters." - you jump from past to present tense.
- "From 1999 to 2002, Maggie Roswell's characters were voiced by Marcia Mitzman Gaven." - source? And also, perhaps you can just include Gaven's name in the list of actors summed up in the previous sentence.
Books
[edit]"A series of episode guides has only been published" - what's the word "only" doing there?- Fixed. (t) Josve05a (c) 09:14, 3 July 2014 (UTC)
Comic Books
[edit]- "...Simpsons Illustrated, which was a companion magazine to the show", repetitive, we already learned this in the previous section.
- The comic strips were popular and a one-shot comic book entitled Simpsons Comics and Stories, containing four different stories, was released in 1993
for the fans.- I would assume merchandise is released for fans. - You don't have to say, Groening was the show's creator, as you've already said that, linking to him isn't necessary either since you've already done that as well.
- "The book was a success and due to this, the creator of The Simpsons, Matt Groening, and his companions Bill Morrison, Mike Rote, Steve Vance and Cindy Vance created the publishing company Bongo Comics." - again repetitive, this has already been said in the previous section.
As I am about halfway through the article now, I will take a short break and return in a while with some tea and review the second part. Good luck for now.--Music26/11 22:52, 2 July 2014 (UTC)
Films
[edit]- "A 3D short-film entitled The Longest Daycare, focusing on Maggie, was shown in theaters before the 2012 film Ice Age: Continental Drift." - A one-sentence paragraph is quite short, perhaps turning it into a bigger paragraph regarding other Simpson-related films would be a solution, but these need to exist, any ideas on this?
- "Milhouse makes a cameo appearance in the 2014 film, The Lego Movie as a Master Builder in Cloud Cuckoo Land." - I don't really see how this is relevant, it also lacks a source and 'the lego movie should be in italic.
Board Games
[edit]- Section doesn't have any sources.
- Fixed. (t) Josve05a (c) 13:37, 3 July 2014 (UTC)
Merchandise
[edit]- Perhaps the name of this section should be 'other merchandise', as games and the like are merchandise (are they not?).
Yes they are, but if I rename this section to 'other', then that would not be right either. This section talks about *all* merchandise. Unsure what to do. (t) Josve05a (c) 09:22, 3 July 2014 (UTC)
- Then perhaps this should be an overarching section, with 'print publication' and 'other media' as subsections (and DVDs grouped under 'other media')?--Music26/11 19:30, 3 July 2014 (UTC)
- "The Simpsons merchandise sold well and generated $2 billion in revenue during the first 14 months of sales" - I don't really understand this sentence, there have been many different types of simpson merchandise, they weren't all released at the same time, so how can it generate 2 billion dollars in revenue during the first 14 months of sales?
- The first paragraph is exactly the same (with some sentences relocated) as the introduction, now I realise it is more or less the same information, but different phrasing would look better.
- Second paragraph features information regarding board games and such, a topic that has it's own section. Again, the sentences regarding this type of merchandise lack in-text citations.
- Perhaps the image of the transformed 7-11 should be moved to this section, as this is the section that regards it.
- "and Microsoft produced a limited edition The Simpsons Movie Xbox 360." - start sentence with a capital.
- "Ben & Jerry's created a Simpsons-themed beer and donut-flavored ice cream, entitled "Duff & D'oh! Nuts".[120]" - was this also promotion for the movie?
- "Approximately one billion will be printed." - Why is this in future tense? They have already been printed right?
Bibliography
[edit]- Why are the 'others' (which aren't really others) in the Groening source in smallcaps?
Final note
[edit]- I recal reading something about Marge appearing in Playboy Magazine perhaps that's something that can be included.
That's all of it, good luck with improving the article, if you have any questions, or disagree with comments I have made, or other things, you can post it here or on my talk page. Cheers.--Music26/11
- Good day, I wish to inform you that you've only got about two days left, since I haven't heard much from you recently.--Music26/11 15:21, 6 July 2014 (UTC)
- failed as most of the issues above have not been adressed within a week. I haven't heard from you either. Anywho, again, this article certainly has potential and I encourage you to nominated again when the issues have been adressed, for now I wish you a good day.--Music26/11 04:53, 10 July 2014 (UTC)