Talk:The Secret Service/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: –MuZemike 03:05, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead issue

~~The lead is a bit too long for the article's length. It should be shortened down to about 3 paragraphs in length (perhaps even shorten the paragraphs up just a tad, too, but that's up to you).~~

I've condensed the introduction by cutting out some of the more exacting details related to the production and reception, merging the third and fourth paragraphs into one. Does this seem like a step in the right direction?

Prose issues

The prose is, for the most part, good. However, there are a couple general issues throughout the article that need to be addressed:

You seem to be switching back and forth inconsistently between present and past tense. When describing the making of the film, the events all happened in the past, so past tense is preferred. Similarly, commentary from the people behind the show also made their comments in the past, so sentences such as "John Smith recalls" should be "recalled" instead. Please go back in the article and fix the verb tense.

I've switched it all (I think) into the past in the "Production" section, and in the case of production staff in the "Reception" section. Analysis from external critical commentators remains in the present tense.

Go over the prose in the episode list one more time, as a few of the sentences there seem more sensationalizing and almost editorializing. Examples include the following: It is up to Father Unwin to intercept ... and The fate of the G9s falls to Father Unwin, who must now score a vital hole in one. Please tweak the material that looks problematic like the two examples I produced above so they read more neutral in tone.

I can see how attempts to make the plots sound interesting have led to some sensationalism. I've made several changes in a bid to give a more functional impression overall.

Image issue

~~Per WP:CAPTION, the image caption for File:SecretServiceDVD.jpg should not have end-punctuation as it is not a complete sentence.~~

Fixed.

Verifiability issue

~~[1] (one of the sources) is iffy as far as reliability is concerned, after reading [2].~~

Removed - replaced with a book source in one case. One of the sentences for which this website appeared as a citation is perhaps better suited to Unwin's biography - possible extraneous detail.

Conclusions

On hold pending resolution to the issues I mentioned above. I will note, however, that this is especially comprehensive for a relatively short and not-well-known series. –MuZemike 03:05, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you kindly for this review. I'll work through the points specified and strike them through as I go. Regards, Super Mario Man 04:44, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Most of the suggested changes have been made - in addition, I've completed a more general run-through of the prose to check the finest details. I feel that the plot summaries read in a much more neutral tone, but then again I can't speak for others. Super Mario Man 22:44, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good. Passed. –MuZemike 23:23, 26 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! Super Mario Man 02:50, 27 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]