Talk:The Rapes of Graff/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 03:35, 17 August 2015 (UTC)

Sorry for the delay!

• Maybe put ratings info in the lead?

• Done

• Possibly expand why it was critically applauded.

• Done

• The first paragraph is a little choppy. I would recommend rewriting it so all the sentences flow together a little better.
• What is "Cliff's case"

• Specified. Also copyedited this whole thing.

• Is Troy a member of the fraternity? Or is that separate?

• No, he's not. Tell me if it's better now.

• The plot summary is kind of all over the place, but I have a feeling part of that has to do with the fact that I've never seen Veronica Mars. Would it be useful to include a "Background" subheading before the plot summary, so as to catch people up to speed (like this)

• No, the plot summary was just choppy. :)

• "The episode's title was thought of by other regular writer Phil Klemmer" -> "Phil Klemmer, another of the series' writers, thought of the episode's title."

• Done

• Is the "episode's mystery" the rape, or the perpetrator in Cliff's case, or what. I'm a little confused here.

• Done

• "As a joke in the episode, the writers bleeped George Michael out and subtitled…" -> The show had previously been alluded to on Arrested Development when some of George Michael's dialogue is redacted and replaced by a subtitle that reads, 'reference to off-network high school private eye drama censored by Fox.'"

• Done

• I would move the bit about Rob Thomas contacting the two actors immediately after the line about how they guest starred in a previous episode.

• I don't see that line…what are you talking about?

• Don't worry about it. I think it's fine the way it is.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:15, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

• "Cera and Shawkat specifically asked that they not be in scenes and that they would not play roles similar to their characters in Arrested Development." -> "Both Cera and Shawkat requested that their roles not be similar to their characters on Arrested Development."

• Done

• "After the episode, Ashmore had stated that" -> "After the episode aired, Ashmore stated that"

• Done

• Move the tidbit about the title being a spoonerism up to the very first paragraph in production, right after you mention that Klemmer thought of the title (also, is there a better source for that?)

• I moved it, but unfortunately there's not a better source. Should I remove it altogether? Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 01:02, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

• I think for right now it's OK. If this were to go to FAN, though, I'd find a better source.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:15, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

• "Price Peterson of TV.com gave a positive review, expressing confusion…" -> Price Peterson of TV.com gave a positive review. Although he expressed confusion over the lack of closure, he praised other aspects of the episode."

• Done

• Who is Alan Sepinwall

• He's probably one of the most prominent TV critics around. Even though this is just his blog, the blog in that form was continued on HitFix. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 01:02, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

• I should've specified what I meant, haha. I just meant, maybe you should put that he's a TV reviewer or something, because his name is in the middle of a bunch of review websites. It's not a huge deal.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:15, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

• The word "praise" (or variations thereof) are used four times in the review section. I'd mix that up a bit.

• Done

Fix these issues up and you're ready to go!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 15:34, 6 September 2015 (UTC)

• @Gen. Quon: I've responded to everything. Take a look now and let me know what you think. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)^{talk to me!}_{see my work} 01:02, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

I'll pass it! Good job.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:15, 11 September 2015 (UTC)