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Talk:The Queen's Messenger/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]
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Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:11, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Going to be reviewing this article as part of the GAN Backlog Drive of April to May 2020. MWright96 (talk) 13:11, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Lead

[edit]
  • Think the lead can be expanded to briefly mention the station that broadcast the drama and the date it was shown
  • "These were received by 3 inch televisions" - the convert template would be better off being used on the text highlighted in bold

Background

[edit]
  • "The cameras picked up the stage action and microphones picked up the sound." - repetition of the phrase "picked up"
  • "The television signal was received at several points throughout New York City. The broadcast received much publicity." - think these two sentences can be made into one
  • "The teleplay starred retired star actress Izetta Jewell." - the word "star" isn't needed
  • "It was noted that in the television receivers she appeared trimmer than in real life" - noted by whom?
  • "A newspaper article of the time pointed out that even the heavy set opera singer" - observed
  • " A newspaper article of the time" - May as well mentioned what newspaper we're talking about
  • "appearing as a John Bull type Englishman." - John Bull-type

Plot

[edit]
  • "A British diplomat has a romantic encounter with a mysterious woman. She is secretly trying to obtain the documents he is carrying." - these two sentences could be better off merged into one
  • "She is secretly trying to obtain the documents he is carrying." - what are the documents in the drama?

Television receivers

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  • "The televised play was received on televisions that were octagonally shaped. The television set was about fourteen inches high and ten inches in depth." - how about making this into a single sentence and shortened accordingly
  • Also the mentions of inches can also be converted into the appropriate measurement with the convert template
  • "Six televisions were set up around the W G Y studios" - WGY without the spaces
  • "Six televisions were set up around the W G Y studios for the newspaper reporters that were connected by closed circuit television." - how about Six televisions were set up around the WGY studios and connected by closed circuit television for newspaper journalists. or a similar minor change?
  • "There were television receivers set up in the transmitting control rooms that received the signal from the air that was transmitted several miles away."- broadcast

Special effects

[edit]
  • "on a three inch television screen display." - "display" isn't needed I believe
  • "The director of these props that coordinated everything was Mortimer Steward." - and stage coordinator?

Drawbacks

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  • Wikilink General Electric
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that developed into the soap opera.[8][15][7]" - refs in numerical order please
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Wikilink scanning drive to the relevant article
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that picked up the image on the stage." - received
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

References

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  • Reference 1 should include Associated Press as the agency that provided the story to The Wilkes-Barre Record
  • Reference 5 should include International News Service as the agency that provided the story to Journal Gazette
  • References 3 and 9 look like they are the same story but in different newspapers. Please only use one copy
  • Reference 15 should mention that International News Service was the agency that provided the story to The Daily Republican
  • Also Refs 5 and 15 also appear to carry the exact same story from the INS agency. Only one should be used

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address/query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 14:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:05, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Doug Coldwell: Now promoting to GA class. I've made a few changes to the article. MWright96 (talk) 08:33, 22 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]