Talk:The Infinite Vulcan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 04:23, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review. I will have my comments up shortly.

I am not familiar with the series. Is there a production code? If so, please add it to the infobox. If not, then it is fine as it currently stands.

There almost certainly is one, but there's no specific book on The Animated Series unfortunatly, so I've not seen a listing of the produciton codes anywhere. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I think “to write an episode for the franchise” rather than “of the franchise”.

Agreed. Updated as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

In the following sentence (Koenig found it unenjoyable, due to the number of re-writes required.), please clarify the "it". Are you referring to the writing process, the production process, or something else?

Clarified - it was the writing process he disliked as Roddenberry kept fiddling with the script (a rather recurring scenario). Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Do you mean “After the producers offered him an opportunity to write a second episode” when you say “After the producers offered him a second episode,”? I am uncertain of your meaning in this phrasing.

Yes I do - I've amended it as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Please add an alt for the image in the “Production” section.

Done. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarify what you mean with the phrase “Like Fontana”. This is the first time you refer to Fontana, and I have no knowledge about this person or his or her views on writing so I am not sure what point you are attempting to make here.

Sorry, I thought I'd mentioned her previously. That was D.C. Fontana's views as well - she was the story editor/associate producer for the series. I've clarified and added a further cite for the addition of the material that explains who she is. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

In the phrase “Fellow cast member George Takei felt that showed that Koenig”, clarify the meaning of the first “that” and revise to avoid the close repetition of the vague word “that”.

Done. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Miyagawa: Great work on the article! I can tell you put a lot of work in it. Once my relatively minor comments are addressed, this should be a quick and easy pass. Aoba47 (talk) 04:52, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Thanks for the review, I think that's everything. Miyagawa (talk) 08:31, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Miyagawa: Thank you for addressing my comments! This is a definite ✓ Pass Aoba47 (talk) 15:09, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]