Talk:Terry Peder Rasmussen/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Larry Hockett (talk · contribs) 00:47, 24 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This nomination has been in the queue for about 4+1⁄2 months, and that's too long. I'm happy to take up the review. Thanks to the nominator for the work that has gone into the entry. I'll post some initial feedback shortly. Larry Hockett (Talk) 00:47, 24 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It's likely that I'll identify some points that aren't strictly necessary for promotion to GA status, so if you disagree with something, let me know your thoughts.

I'm not surprised it took this long, GA's often fall behind in the queue and this material is particularly hard to stomach. I think it's an important milestone in criminal history though and I applaud you for taking this on.LM2000 (talk) 04:51, 26 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

The lead section doesn't adequately summarize the article; there is too much content in the article for a three-sentence summary. See MOS:LEAD.
- I think the updated version better fulfills MOS:LEAD.
We probably don't need "Terry" in the opening sentence per MOS:HYPOCORISM.
- Done
There is no comma needed between the two nicknames in the lead. Reading ahead, it looks like there are several comma-related issues in the article. See MOS:COMMA for the usual comma rules, such as including a comma after a city-state combination or after the year in an MDY-formatted date.
- Fixed this one, will address others as I get to them.
As part of expanding the lead, could you clarify the apparent discrepancy between primary suspect in the Bear Brook murders (lead) and announced as the Bear Brook killer (body)?
- I think the updated version makes this clearer.
The infobox is overly long, and this may decrease its readability. The point is to focus on the most important parts. We probably don't need the birth name since it's the same as the common name. See Template:Infobox criminal for how to handle fields like Spouse and Children; since those don't give us information that is particularly relevant to the crimes, I would leave them blank. Why is years to life hyphenated? You don't need to link United States because it is a major geographic feature (MOS:OVERLINK).
- Done.

Early life

This Concord Monitor article has more biographical details, especially in the timeline. Examples: Name of his high school, grade level when he dropped out of school. (I know ABC said he dropped out in 1961 to join the service, but this article clarifies that while he did enlist in 1961, he had dropped out a couple of years earlier.)
- Done.
Here is another good timeline. It has details about some relatively early arrests for theft of service/diverting electric current.
- Done.

Crimes

The timeline is a little hard to follow in this section because it seems like we are jumping around from the 1980s to the 2000s and back to the 1980s. I know that it is inherently confusing because he is thought to have killed some people and then moved on to do other things before the previous ones were discovered. Maybe it will help to split this section into two sections - one for the Bear Brook murders and one for the murder of Eunsoon Jun.
- Split into three sections, with an addition one for the Beaudins
There are several mentions of blunt force trauma. Do we know if a particular type of weapon was identified in any of the cases? It's okay if not. I know that a lot of the details are probably unclear because of the passage of time before discovery?
- I've been unable to find anything in reliable sources. Unfortunately, it seems the time between their deaths and discovery of the bodies was too great.
"McWaters and a still unidentified child" - Do you mean unidentified as of 2020? Use whatever "as of" date we can support with a reliable source - instead of "still".
- Done, with the As of template.
"The identities of Honeychurch and her two children" - the opening of this paragraph is discussing the second barrel, and I think was in the first barrel.
- Is the current version an improvement.
DNA testing - consider linking to DNA profiling
- Done
"the third child remains unidentified" - the child found in the second barrel is unidentified as of _____________
- Is one As of good enough?
Consider linking genetic genealogy (or the article it may be merged with, genealogical DNA test) and Joseph James DeAngelo
- Done, but in the Posthumous findings section
"after hearing her tell another investigator that she was going to request a paternity test for Lisa" - close paraphrasing from the ABC News source
- rephrased.

Suspect in other crimes

What is the Rasmussen's status in the Laureen Rahn case? Have investigators named him a suspect? Is her investigation still open?

Re: Daneault, are there any details about the anonymous tip that the authorities received?

Can we briefly explain how Elizabeth Lamotte wasn't reported as missing for so long?

For ease of reading, I think we should succinctly note that the Redhead murders occurred in TN and aren't thought to be related to Rasmussen.

That's all for now. Once you address the above (most importantly, beefing up the lead and clarifying the timeline in the Crimes section), I'll make a pass through the article looking for unresolved issues. I may also just make some minor fixes for things like missing/extra hyphens and commas. Thanks for nominating this. Let me know if I can clarify any of my feedback. Larry Hockett (Talk) 04:58, 24 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks to the nominator for addressing the feedback here. I did a little copyediting, especially for the MOS:COMMA issue, and I added a bit about Lamotte having left her group home on furlough. The big issues (the thin lead section and disorganized timeline) have both been addressed by the nominator. It would be nice to have something more satisfying to say about Rasmussen's connection to Laureen Rahn, but I couldn't find an RS that explicitly stated whether he was an official suspect or not (the closest I came was patch.com, which doesn't strike me as an RS).

As for the other routine checks in the GA process, the image has an appropriate license description and caption, and the article is neutrally worded and stable. Earwig's Copyvio Detector returns nothing of concern, and random checks of references show that the article is faithful to the cited sources without close paraphrasing or other problems. There is no reason to hold up this entry's promotion to GA status.

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Larry Hockett (Talk) 14:28, 28 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for passing. I'd planned on getting to the final touches today but you did most of the hard work that was left. This edit mainly makes a clarification about the redhead murders. Rahn and Daneault's cases seem to have been linked in the public's mind for some time, so Rahn's name was dropped in some sources after 2017. I'm not surprised sources haven't mentioned her in the same articles as Rasmussen lately because law enforcement apparently no longer consider him a suspect in Daneault's disappearance. Anyway, thanks again!LM2000 (talk) 15:42, 28 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]