Talk:Terry Fox/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Nikkimaria (talk) 14:06, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! I will shortly be reviewing this article to ensure that it complies with the GA criteria. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to ask below or direct them to my talk page. Cheers, Nikkimaria (talk) 14:06, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I understand you have FAC aspirations for this article, so I'm going to be a bit tougher on it than usual. You've done a great job so far, but this could be even better. I'm placing the article on hold to allow time for the below concerns to be addressed. Cheers, Nikkimaria (talk) 19:47, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review! I'll look to address the concerns tomorrow. And yeah, five statue images is a bit much... and I've even pruned that down! Reso lute 22:22, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

All suggestions should have been addressed, save what I have commented on specifically below. Reso lute 17:57, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I'd say that this is now good enough for GA (I think you missed the Macl(L)eans inconsistency, but that's minor). Good luck getting to FA! Cheers, Nikkimaria (talk) 15:20, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Writing and formatting

Based on the size of the article, recommended lead size is 3-4 paragraphs
Some issues introduced by expansion: "He continued to run despite wearing an artificial leg, and won three national wheelchair basketball championships." - I know this is explained later, but putting "artificial leg" and "wheelchair" in the same sentence is confusing; why is Marathon of Hope in italics here and not in the rest of the article?; "awareness of the disease" -> "cancer awareness" (?); "He was a distance runner and basketball player for his Port Coquitlam, British Columbia high school and Simon Fraser University until his right leg was amputated in 1977 after he was diagnosed with osteosarcoma" - sentence is too long, imo; "His hopes of completing his marathon if he overcame the disease a second time ended when he died nine months later." -> "His hopes of overcoming the disease a second time and continuing his marathon...". Nikkimaria (talk) 19:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed? Reso lute 20:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Persondata should be added
"September 1st" -> "September 1"
You've got a few American spellings in here - Canadian article, Canadian/British spelling
Canadian English uses a combination of British (i.e.: -our instead of -or) and American (i.e.: -ize instead of -ise) spellings. It appears consistent to me. Reso lute 17:57, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'm aware of the odd mixture of dialects, but that doesn't explain why the article uses both "kilometres" and "kilometers". Nikkimaria (talk) 19:04, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ahh, now I see. Fixed. Reso lute 20:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Is his friend's name Alward, Alwood or Alword? You've got both spellings here
Some spelling and grammar issues - suggest copy-editing for clarity and flow
This is now good enough to pass GA; however, I would recommend getting someone else to copy-edit before FAC, just to get some fresh eyes on the article
Check the description at Category:English Canadians - I'm not sure that Fox fits that category
Use of hyphens and dashes needs to be checked
Still needs work; look at WP:HYPHEN, especially the part about figures
I have to admit, the rules surrounding hyphens typically screw me up. Hopefully I have the compound adjectives right this time. Reso lute 20:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Newsmaker of the Year" should be capitalized in the lead
Marathon of Hope redirects to Terry Fox, and so should not be linked here
"Rolly was a switchman for the Canadian National Railway.[1] He had an elder brother, Fred..." - I assume Terry had the brother, not Rolly? Needs rewording (similar problems throughout the article)
"He was told...He was told" - avoid this and similarly repetitive constructions
Could you explain further what his leg did to "reset"? Or do you mean "re-set"?
Should link to C$ for first dollar sign (I assume figures are in Canadian dollars?)
I would suggest re-organizing the "Marathon of Hope" section slightly, moving the image to just under the first heading to allow the quote to occupy the full width of the screen. The current placement leaves a lot of white space on my screen
"cancer society" -> "Cancer Society"
"fundraising" or "fund raising"? Be consistent
"St Johns" -> "St. John's"
Possibly rename "Biographies" to "Films"?

Accuracy and verifiability

"Order of Canada Citation" is a broken link
Was Fox seeking funding for a vehicle, gas and shoes, or did he ask for those items directly? It's a bit ambiguous as it stands
Need more consistency in references - cbc.ca or Canadian Broadcasting Corporation? Which comes first when citing newspapers, the page number or the date? Is there a space between "p./pp." and the number or not?

The issue with the newspaper cites is a fault of the template itself. It moves the date around depending on whether there is an author listed or not. Reso lute 17:57, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, I know about the author issue, but that doesn't seem to be what's causing this, where both seem to have the same information and yet the placement discrepancy still exists:

^ "Terry Fox to get Order of Canada". Montreal Gazette: p. 1. 1980-09-16. Retrieved 2010-02-28. ^ "Runner gets award". Spokane Spokesman-Review. 1981-02-08. p. B4. Retrieved 2010-02-28.

Damn. I scanned through the references but didn't catch that the first time around. I used the cite web template a couple times where I meant cite news. Not sure why that is different in the templates, but should consistently use cite news on the newspaper refs now. Reso lute 20:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Suggest making the "Footnotes" section two columns
Ref 24 was originally from Maclean's; suggest consulting and citing the original

Consistency: "MacLeans" or "Macleans Magazine"?

Broad

No issues noted

Neutrality

Be very careful about ascribing emotions or thoughts to people, especially if the source is a third party; the accuracy of such statements is debatable, and minute details of phrasing can greatly alter the meaning
In most cases, I have paraphrased direct quotes from Fox. Scrivener's book includes commentary from Fox's journal, as well as quotes from when the author interviewed Fox during the marathon. I've reworded a few passages for clarity. Reso lute 17:57, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Better. Nikkimaria (talk) 19:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Stability

Vandalism from IPs, but no edit-warring or ongoing massive content shifts

Images

Images should have alt text per WP:ALT

Grammar of alt text for Thunder Bay statue needs work. Infobox image has no alt text - there should be a parameter that you can add to include it, check the documentation page for the infobox.

Horray for every template having its own code! lol. Both should be fixed. Reso lute 15:08, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

One picture of the man, 5 pictures of statues of him. That needs to be more balanced; you could also use some other images (possibly a map?). Also, not all images need to be right-aligned
Agreed. I've chopped the duplicate image from Thunder Bay, and there has been some discussion on the talk page already about adding a map. I hope to have a map and an image from a Terry Fox Run in the article before I challenge an FAC. These images will replace a couple statues. Reso lute 17:57, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Are the two images from Thunder Bay two different statues, or two views of the same statue?

Congratulations to all for the GA! Racepacket (talk) 04:00, 22 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]