Talk:Terra Branford/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Blue Pumpkin Pie (talk · contribs) 22:59, 10 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

So everything that the previous review still applies. everything is well written and well-sourced. there are two sections that I think need improvement.

The "other appearance" I believe needs to be better sourced for every appearance.

I'm not sure not all of it is complete.

There are things mentioned like her being mentioned in "Final Fantasy XIII-2" and that's confusing.

As for her Final Fantasy 6 appearance, I do think the dialogue is a bit superfluous, and it could be cleaned up a bit. It's an Appearance section, not a plot section. So we just need to understand what her role was and what key actions or backstories were revealed about her.

Lastly, please reformat the dates to being consistent. some of these sources are just digits, some is day-month-year. and some are month-day-year.Blue Pumpkin Pie ^Chat ^Contribs 13:25, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

OK @Blue Pumpkin Pie:, I expanded sourced and replaced the other appearances section, it is all sourced now and has her many appearances in it. I also standardized the references. But for her appearances, what do you want me to do? Remove the references from the section? Cut some of it? It’s all told through her perspective on events, I’m just not clear on what you want done. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 18:09, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I guess what i'm trying to say that the tone of Final Fantasy 6 can be more "neutral" and less "poetic". There's plenty of room for it to be written in plain simple English, without the need to add flowery language.

Terra is the first introduced character, a mentally-enslaved Imperial super-soldier gifted with devastating magic.

Terra is the first playable character introduced in Final Fantasy IV. Her story begins as a mentally-enslaved super-soldier with destructive magic abilities.

She made to participate in an armored assault on the town of Narshe, slaughtering most of the town's militia in pursuit of a recently unearthed magical creature known as Espers.

She is forced to exterminate militia of the town of Narshe in pursuit of a recently unearthed magical creature known as Espers.

Upon encountering the creature, her Imperial contingent is annihilated together with her armor. She wakes in a man named Arvis' home, now freed of her slave crown and suffering amnesia.

Upon encountering the creature, her Imperial masters/party/crew is annihilated. She wakes in the home of a man named Arvis, now freed from the control of the Empire and suffering and Amnesia.

Pursued into the depths of Narshe's mines by local forces, the thief Locke and a horde of moogles eventually rescue her.

Rescue from who? this sentence doesn't give me context. its very vague.

After events in Figaro kingdom and another Imperial assault on Narshe to claim the Esper, she learns she is the daughter of an Esper father and human mother, explaining her magical abilities.

As the story progressed, she learns she is the daughter of an Esper father and human mother, explaining her magical abilities.

I can do a full break down of how we can simplify all of this, but this is just a general idea of how we can use plain simple English and just go straight to the point.Blue Pumpkin Pie ^Chat ^Contribs 19:33, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Ok I understand now, I re-wrote it to be in a more encyclopedic tone. Let me know if I missed anything, but with that I believe I have done all your GA fixes @Blue Pumpkin Pie:! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 20:07, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It's definitely an improvement. I personally dont see any flaws, so i'll go ahead and Pass it.Blue Pumpkin Pie ^Chat ^Contribs 22:02, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Fantastic! Can you update the template? @Blue Pumpkin Pie: Judgesurreal777 (talk) 22:28, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks much @Blue Pumpkin Pie:, I look forward to the review of Rikku :) Judgesurreal777 (talk) 23:37, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]