Talk:Terang Boelan

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Terang Boelan/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sarastro1 (talk · contribs) 20:28, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

Very nice article, which I followed despite my ignorance of the subject. No real issues, just minor prose points.

• "Rohaya (Roekiah) is told to separate from her lover": Told by who?
• "so that she can marry the disreputable Musa (E. T. Effendi).": Why?

• How's this? (for both points above) — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:00, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• Repetition: "The night before the wedding … The night of the wedding".

• "The following day" — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:00, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "He then begins fighting with Musa, ultimately being saved by Dullah, who followed him." Something not quite right here. Needs a link between the two parts.

• Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:00, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "this situation was an effect of the Great Depression and changing market trends.": This doesn't quite follow from the first part of the sentence, so maybe elaborate on how these factors could bring about the situation.

• Added a footnote. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:00, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "The Dutchman Albert Balink, who had no formal film experience…": Perhaps "despite having no formal film experience"?

• Done — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:00, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "the Batavia (now Jakarta)-based Dutch Indies": I'm not sure the hyphen is used correctly here, but I'm far from a punctuation expert.

• Come to think of it, I think it may have to be Batavia- (now Jakarta-) based, as it would be Batavia-based without the parentheticals. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:00, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "filming several feature films": filming…films.

• Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "Balink aimed the film at educated persons, generally native.": Maybe better as "educated native people", but that may destroy the meaning slightly.

• Done

• "The film was written shortly after": Previous sentence says the "story" was written, and I'm not sure that a film can be written. Script? Screenplay?
• "Filming had begun by February 1937": Maybe just "filming began"?

• Done

• Was it all filmed on location? Or in a studio?

• How much was filmed in a studio is not in any of the sources I've checked. :-( — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "Posters also emphasised the use of Indonesian": Meaning language? Or something else? Either way, perhaps elaborate on why this was a big deal.

• That's what I was going at with the sentence "William van der Heide, a lecturer on film studies at the University of Newcastle in Australia, notes that the film continued a trend of "Indonesianisation", or a national identity, which had been present for several years." — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "However, ANIF was displeased with the film": Why?

• Added. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "The vast majority of the films released in the Indies were released between 1939": released…released. And it sounds odd.

• How's this? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "the repeated use of its formula has seen criticism": Maybe "has been criticised"?

• Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• "noted that films made with nitrate film": films…film

• Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:14, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

General

• (Very limited) Spotchecks revealed no problems, but I did not check the Indonesian sources.
• Images check out OK.
• No dablinks, external links fine.

Placing this on hold, but should be a quick pass. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:36, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review, I think I've gotten all your points. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:15, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• Everything looking good (although it still says "the film was written", but not a big deal at all.) Passing now. Sarastro1 (talk) 23:21, 2 November 2012 (UTC)

• Oops (baah). Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:24, 2 November 2012 (UTC)