Talk:Tawau/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Peripitus (talk · contribs) 23:11, 13 March 2015 (UTC)
I will review this over the next few days. There are three significant issues that I can see need attention, before reading through the article in depth
- The lead is far too short and does not adequately summarize the article (see [[WP:LEAD}]). It needs to broadly cover all of significant sections of the article. See Carrick, Tasmania for an example of this from my editing.
Done - There appear to be too many images that either form a wall of images on my monitor or blocks when viewed on a mobile. Consider removing some of the generic images (agriculture, public works dept, some other public buildings) Done
- I can see quite a few grammatical errors. The article would benefit from another editor copyediting eg:
- "Although the name of Tawao already on a nautical chart from 1857, yet there is prior to 1879 with no clear evidence for a settlement."
- ->The name Tawao was used on a nautical charts by 1857, and there is evidence of a settlement by 1879. Done
- "In the early 1890s, only about 200 people lived in the settlement with most of them are immigrants from Bulungan in Kalimantan and some from Tawi-Tawi who had fled from the Dutch and Spanish rule."
- ->In the early 1890s, approximately 200 people lived in the settlement, mostly immigrants from Bulungan in Kalimantan, and some from Tawi-Tawi who had fled from Dutch and Spanish rule. ** did only those from Tawi-Tawi flee the dutch and spanish ? Done
- A cultural festival known as the Tawau Festival were celebrated once a year in the town and has been known as a potential tourism icon for Malaysia
- ->The Tawau International Cultural Festival is an annual event, first held in 2011, that has been promoted for its potential to attract tourists. Done
- Peripitus (Talk) 23:11, 13 March 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks for taking time to review the article. I have made some changes according to your recommendations.Cerevisae (talk) 17:19, 14 March 2015 (UTC)
- Thank you Cerevisae for helping to expand this article and thank you to Peripitus for taking time to review. ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 00:51, 20 March 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks for taking time to review the article. I have made some changes according to your recommendations.Cerevisae (talk) 17:19, 14 March 2015 (UTC)
- Drive-by comment: I think this article would benefit from a historic demographics table. Malaysia had censuses 1970, 1980, 1991, 2000, 2010. If anyone can get those population numbers I can make the table. Mattximus (talk) 17:25, 20 March 2015 (UTC)
- It is quite difficult to find previous population census released by the Malaysian government since the Statistics Department of Malaysia only release the most recent one (year 2010) for free download. Previous publications (before 2010) will be put up on sale. Unless there are third-party archival websites that stores previous editions of Malaysian government publications.Cerevisae (talk) 22:03, 20 March 2015 (UTC)
Rather than listing all of the gramatical errors I've worked through and fixed most, except for the lead, demography and economy sections which I'll go through before I finish here. There are some parts where the text is unclear
- Baron von Overbeck, a British syndicate - is this the Baron and a Syndicate or a Syndicate represented by the Baron ?
- were still negotiating on a trade with the Dutch - were they trading with the dutch, negotiating with the Dutch over the land or negotitating to begin trading with the Dutch ?
- S.S. Normanhurst sailed into Tawau for the first time - is this the first time for this vessel or for any trading vessel ?
- subsidies for the purchase of rice and flour were hired - what does "were hired" mean here ?
- I've changed the destroyer escorts to the River-class destroyer escort as I think these were the class involved - is this correct ?
Like - Currently, there are 40 timber-processing plants. As of what year is this correct ? I cannot see in the reference.
- Peripitus (Talk) 09:43, 22 March 2015 (UTC)
- I have done some rewording as per your request. About the source you asked, it can be seen here. ~ Muffin Wizard ;) 11:48, 22 March 2015 (UTC)
I'll read through once more tommorrow and check/fix any issues in the lead. All else looks ok at the moment - Peripitus (Talk) 10:33, 23 March 2015 (UTC)