Talk:Tara Lipinski/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 19:39, 15 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

User:Sportsfan77777, I know everything's upended right now, but will there be movement on this review soon? Thanks. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 18:00, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

My fault, I got back to working on it today and hope to finish it later this week! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 06:31, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Lipinski retired from competitive figure skating in 1998 (add "at the age of 15 to turn professional").

But she didn't just retire to turn professional; she also retired to earn money in skating shows and to be an actress. I'd like to keep it as it, if we can.

Early life

Does Jeff DiGregorio really deserve a red link?

Yah, I think he does. Red links are not all bad; they encourage the creation of new articles. That's the premise behind the Wikiproject Women in Red, and this article fits right into the ethos of the great work it does. Actually, I consider all my work on figure skating articles a part of the effort. Figure skating, being a women-dominated sport, is sorely underrepresented in WP, in the number of articles about the sport, skaters, and coaches, as well as the quality of many (I'd say most) articles about figure skating. For example, bios about women tend to have fewer sentences in their leads; that's also true about males in figure skating. An example is Johnny Weir, which I'm currently working on, despite the fact that he's competed at two Olympics, won three consecutive U.S. National titles, and has become an important commentator. (Of course, there are LGBTQ issues involved with his article as well.) DiGregorio may not have enough content to warrant his own article, but we don't know that yet, and perhaps someone will come along and figure, har-har, that out. But I digress; please excuse the long-winded response.

Early years

Lipinski and her mother interviewed and took sample lessons <<<=== Was her mother taking lessons with Lipinski?

No, of course not, great catch. ;)

1995 U.S. Olympic Festival <<<=== 1994?

Not sure what you're asking.

the media began to notice Lipinski after Blue Swords in November 1995 <<<=== October 1994?

Again, please clarify.

Instead of repeating 1994, 1995, and 1996 multiple times, I would suggest stating the season once (e.g. 1994–1995 season, etc.) and then following it with something like "During that season" if you need to clarify the season again.

I understand your request, but we're talking about the formal names of these competitions; i.e., "the 1995 U.S. Nationals Championships". Sometimes the competitions are referred to in shorthand, as in "the 1995 U.S. Nationals", but it's convention to include the year, since it's part of the titles.

1996-97

It's up to you, but I would prefer "triple loop, triple loop" to "triple loop-triple loop". I think hyphenating the middle two words makes "loop-triple" look connected instead of the whole thing.

Again, it's convention. Even the press tends to use a hyphen instead of a comma when referring to combination jumps.

She broke the record made by Sonya Klopfer ===>>> set by Sonya

Done.

She defeated Kwan, Nationals champion in 1996, who won the short program, but left the door open for Lipinski's victory when she fell twice and landed only four out of seven of her planned triples during her long program. <<<=== split into two sentences or re-word (also, is it more correct to say "led after winning the short program"?)

Period after "program", then restructured the second sentence. No, in figure skating, you win or come in first in the short program, and come in first in the long program. (You don't usually say that a skater wins the long program, but that's because if they win the LP, they tend to win the entire competition, although that's not always true, especially in these days of the new judging system.)

youngest female skater to win at Worlds ===>>> youngest female skater to win at the world championships ("Worlds" seems too informal)

I did that because 1997 Worlds was already mentioned, and it seemed wordy. But it's no big deal, so I changed it as per your request.

I would suggest creating a sub-sub-section for the World Championships, and then dividing that paragraph in half (by short and free) because of its length.

You're right about the paragraph being too long, so I separated it into two, the first paragraph about the SP and the second about the LP. It seems to be conventional in the best skater bios to separate sections by seasons, despite how long it makes the sections. See, for example, Nathan Chen and Evan Lysacek.

1997-98

A general comment: "came" and "became" are used a lot. You could also use "finished" for instance to vary it.

Ugh, you're right. Fixed, thanks for the catch.

Lipinski was tied for fourth place in standings coming into the Champion Series final. <<<=== Clarify: Which were the other previous events? If she came in second at Trophée Lalique, was she in fourth because she did worse at the other events or because she missed some of the other events?

No, in figure skating, skaters are ranked each season, based upon their performances the previous year. I can see how it can be confusing, so I'll reword it.

Kestnbaum reported that Lipinski's lower scores were subject of several articles in major U.S. newspapers. ===>>> Lipinski's lower scores were subject of several articles in major U.S. newspapers. (This looks like a fact. You don't need to give credit.)

Okay, fixed.

Lipinski recovered enough from her short program to come behind from fourth place to second overall. ===>>> climb from fourth place to second overall. (She didn't come from behind if she didn't win.)

Fixed.

Lipinski and Kwan came into the Olympics ===>>> Lipinski and Kwan entered the Olympics

Done.

Can you link the Olympic figure skating competition at the beginning of the Olympic paragraph?

There's already a link to it in the previous paragraph, when it's mentioned the first time. I did, however, removed "in Nagano", which is repetitive.

Explain the tiebreaker for the Olympics. (If Kwan was 1st in SP and 2nd in FS, and vice-versa for Lipinski, why did Lipinski win?)

Done, see last sentence in paragraph.

Given how long the section is, I might suggest adding a sub-sub-section just for the 1998 Olympics. You could then divide the long first paragraph in half (by short program and free skate)

See above.

Professional career

In 2011, Lipinski reported that her hip surgery in 2000, at the age of 18, saved her career. ===>>> In 2011, Lipinski had hip surgery in 2000 at the age of 18, which she believed saved her career.

Done.

In 2002, the Houston Chronicle reported that she toured 61 U.S. cities with Stars on Ice. ===>>> Lipinski toured 61 U.S. cities with Stars on Ice. (You don't need to attribute this.)

Done

In 2011, the Houston Chronicle reported that Lipinski retired from skating in 2002. ===>>> She retired from skating in 2002.

Done.

Skating technique

women and girls' influence on figure skating. ===>>> women's and girls' influence on figure skating. OR the influence of women and girls on figure skating.

Yikes, good catch, thanks.

Broadcasting

She did some acting, but decided that, as she told Cosmopolitan in 2018, that it "just wasn't my thing". ===>>> She did some acting, but decided that it "just wasn't my thing".

Done.

In September 2014, Lipinski, Weir, and Gannon were promoted to NBC's primary figure skating commentators ===>>> Lipinski, Weir, and Gannon were promoted to NBC's primary figure skating commentators in September

Done.

I would put that above sentence, as well as the short paragraph on the 2018 Olympics in the previous paragraph so that the Winter Olympics figure skating is grouped together, and all of the miscellaneous other things come afterwards.

I like that, thanks.

Tom Weir reported that Dick Button told Olympic reporters ===>>> Dick Button told Olympic reporters

Okay.

Personal

Not important, but I would suggest putting the marriage paragraph at the beginning to avoid the middle paragraph being the shortest.

You're right, it's not, but I did it, anyway. ;)

Honors and awards

This section is redundant with the records and achievements.

I agree; I think that I missed removing it after the creating the other section. Thanks for the catch.

Philanthropy

I would recommend writing out the philanthropy section as prose and put it at the end of the personal life section, but you don't have to.

Ya know, I'm inclined to keep it, because I think a prose rendition would be boring.

Overall

One common thing I suggested was removing attribution for statements that aren't opinions.
There are a few places were I suggested breaking up long paragraphs, and adding subsections to help with that.

I believe that I've addressed these two points above.

Looks good! Placing on hold. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 04:55, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

User:Sportsfan77777, I've addressed your comments and feedback. Thanks for the review, it's muchly appreciated. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 23:07, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Figureskatingfan, last comment: Were the US Olympic Festival and the Blue Swords in 1994 or 1995? (Tara's website lists 1994 for the Olympic Festival) Sportsfan77777 (talk) 04:04, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Corrected the mistake, thanks for catching it. User:Sportsfan77777, I think we may be done? Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk)! ;) 04:49, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, passing! Great work on a vital-4! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 04:55, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Figureskatingfan, one more thing: Do you want to add this article to the Women in Green goal tracking list? Sportsfan77777 (talk) 20:18, 9 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

User:Sportsfan77777, I thought I knew about all things WIR. Thanks for letting me know about this, will go add now! ;)