Talk:Tanyus Shahin/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: FunkMonk (talk · contribs) 11:56, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

What have we here, I'll take this one. FunkMonk (talk) 11:56, 7 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
It seems the caption to the infobox image is redundant,

I think I took care of it, let me know. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"sermon-like speeches at village meetings" About what?

Source didn't specify, but I revised this sentence. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

" to a Maronite family" I'd say Maronite Christian, not everyone knows what it is.

Revised. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"burdens of corvée" Explain briefly?

Clarified. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"power had been significantly rolled back" Diminished might be clearer here?

Revised. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Double Qaimaqmate" Explain.

Clarified. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"as the qaimaqam" Explain.

Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"a group of Keserwani peasants" Saying "keserwani" seems a bit esoteric (only people familiar with Arabic will know this form), maybe say Keserwan peasants or peasants from Keserwan?

Revised. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"the governor of Beirut." Maybe add Ottoman governor.

Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"The Maronite patriarch" Some person this could link to?

Clarified. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"with Shahin declaring a republic (jumhuriyya)" What was the name of the republic? Could be named in the title there as well.

I don't think it had an official name so to speak, at least not according to the sources I've been searching through. I'll look into this more before this review is over and get back to you. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Shahin, who by this point oversaw a 1,000-strong militia,[7] exercised power through seizing arms, ensuring the upholding of the law and establishing security on the roads." Grammar seems odd, shouldn't it be "ensured the upholding" and "established security"?

Revised. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"through both peaceful and coercive means that they were all a part of single" Sentence seems to be missing something,

Clarified (I think). Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"tit-for-tat killings and attacks of sectarian nature between Druzes and Christians had been occurring" Anything on how this started?

I added more context about the civil war's catalysts, hopefully it should suffice. Al Ameer (talk) 22:52, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"nearby village of Antelias." Which sect lived there?

Clarified. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"becoming a civil war" I would use all of this as link, otherwise readers might think it simply links to an article about civil war in general.

Revised. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"becoming a civil war mainly between the Druze and the Christians." Perhaps add how far this war spread?

Revised. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"their reorganization of Mount Lebanon." Into what?

Clarified. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"and posted a number of his troops" His own troops?

Revised (Karam's troops). Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps mention his raidings and reputation among enemies in the intro?

Revised. Let me know if my revisions to the lead need to be adjusted. Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I've addressed most of the points above, there's a couple more to go. I'll get to them tomorrow hopefully. Thanks for reviewing this Funk, cheers --Al Ameer (talk) 03:19, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good so far! FunkMonk (talk) 08:32, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@FunkMonk: I believe I've addressed the rest of the issues the best I can for now. Other than that, I'm thinking of adding more images, perhaps of Keserwan, to illustrate the article better. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:52, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, looks good to me as is, so will go ahead and pass it now. Interesting that you've been focusing on rather obscure, yet important, parts of Middle Eastern history recently, important work I'd say. FunkMonk (talk) 23:08, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Funk. These men and events are pretty obscure to most Western readers (including myself before I decided to research), but indeed, they played important roles in the region's history and to different degrees, contributed to the shaping of the modern Middle East and its various states. --Al Ameer (talk) 23:55, 19 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]