Talk:Synchronize (song)/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 18:20, 12 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review. Aoba47 (talk) 18:20, 12 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

The phrasing "incorporating both the single version and an extended version" in the lead is awkwardly constructed and placed. I would suggest revising this to improve the flow of this part of the lead.
In this phrase in the lead "His collaboration with Stan", clarify that you are talking about Parker with "His" as the previous sentence included several names that may lead to confusion for the reader.
The phrase in the lead (regardless of the species, sex or color) sounds a little odd to me. I would replace "color" with "race" and I would remove "species" as I highly doubt that this song is advocating for relationships between different species. Same comment applies to the sentence in the body of the article.
For this quote in the lead ("rarely represented in a music video"), either add the citation or paraphrase it. There have also been music videos with lesbians in the past so does the source specify if this theme is rarely represented in a specific context or in music in general?
I am not sure what you mean by "a songwriting cam"? Do you mean "a songwriting camp"?
I do not think the phrase ("where they worked together for a few days.") is necessary as it can be assumed that they worked together in this camp.
Please include a "Credits and personnel" section as you can find it through the YouTube link.
The structure of the first section is a little odd to me; you put information about the song's origins followed by the reception and then followed by the composition/production/recording. I would put information about the reception at the end of the section, once the reader has a broader understanding of the song.
Do you have any access to any other reviews of this song as there does not seem to be a lot of critical coverage in this article?
Any further information on the upcoming EP? Such as the title and/or release date?
I am not entirely sure the audio clip is entirely necessary as it does not illustrate anything further to the reader that he or she cannot gather from the text.
The following sentence (As Stan's previous single, "9 Lives" (2017), it was shot by Criss Blaziny.) reads awkwardly so I would revise this to make it read better.
"The clip beings" should be "The clip begins".
I would clarify this part ("listen and dance to a 7" disc") to say what song/music they are listening and dancing to rather than saying that are listening to a disc.
I would combine the two paragraphs in the "Music video" section as the last sentence of the first paragraph goes directly into the second section (the synopsis of the music video).

Final comments

Overall, you did a good job with this article. However, I am not certain that it meets the qualifications for a GA. The prose is questionable in certain spots and can be improved. My primary concern of this article is the scope and comprehensiveness as there seems to be rather limited information about this song out at the present time. It may be best to wait until the EP is released (which will probably lead to some more coverage of this song). You also only have two reviews for this single, and I would feel more comfortable if there were more. Again, this is a good article, but I believe that further work needs to be done to bring this up to GA level. I would address my comments above, get a c/e from the copy editors guild, and then see if you can find further information on this song before putting it back up for GAN. I am sorry, but I am going to quick-fail this. 18:41, 12 April 2017 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.