Talk:Surachman Tjokroadisurjo/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 10:33, 2 August 2023 (UTC)

Happy to review the article. AM

Review comments

Lead section / infobox

• Link cabinets (Cabinet (government)).

• Linked

• National Revolution – amend to its full title, ‘Indonesian National Revolution’, for the sake of clarity.

• Changed

• Delft Institute of Technology – I would include that this is in the Netherlands.

• Added

• returned to Indonesia – during this period, was it not referred to as 'the East Indies'?

• Depending on who you asked, but yeah, fair enough, changed

• Minister of Finance is a duplicate link.

• Delinked

1 Early life

• Link internship.

• I feel like this will be a bit of WP:OVERLINK.

Understood. AM

• descendent - ‘descendant’

• Fixed

• the third – ‘was the third’.

• Fixed

• Europeesche Lagere School – has no italics.

• Straightened up, and same for the next name

• Add a comma after went to the Netherlands.

• Added

• Amend Prior returning to the Indies to something like ‘Before returning to the East Indies’, to improve the prose.

• Amended

2 Early career

• Link laboratory; nationalists (Nationalism).

• Same, laboratory feels like a bit of overlinking?

• After returning – amend to ‘After returning from Germany’ for the sake of clarity.

• Fair enough

• rejecting a job offer in the police department – this should a separate sentence, to improve the prose.

• Separated

• Introduce Sukarno.

• Done

• Add a comma after donations.

• Added

3 Political career

• hike – ‘increase’ is more encyclopedic.

• Done

• Link civil servants; bureaucrats; government bonds; opium; tin mining; nationalisation.

• Is the first two needed? Linked the other 3.

I'm going with the flow here... :) AM

• Not long after, however is redundant text and can be omitted.

• Removed

• Why significant?
• to poor archiving – it’s not clear to me what this phrase means.
• would default on – makes little sense.

• Reworded the section in question for the 3 points above. Does it flow better now?

Looks fine now. AM

• inside of his home - ‘inside his home’?

• Fixed

• Operation Product – a brief explanation (perhaps in brackets) would be useful.

• Would that suffice?

Looks OK. AM

• of UI - ‘of the UI’ sounds better.

• Fixed

• He was also still active in Bandung, lecturing – ‘He continued to lecture’ sounds better imo.

• Updated to "lectured", I just realize I never said he lectured that before.

4 Personal life

• His wife, Sunarti, was 16 – no commas are needed here.

• Fixed

• While – ‘and’.

• Which one do you mean? If it's the personal life 'while', shouldn't it be more appropriate as it's a comparison?

Apologies, my brain melts after several hours of GA reviews.AM

• Why at the time?

• Same as above

She was the sole daughter of the regent of Grobogan at the time - implies that another daughter reappears later... I would simplify it to 'She was the sole daughter of the regent of Grobogan at the time'. Feel free to ignore me here. Amitchell125 (talk) 15:36, 8 August 2023 (UTC)

5 References

No plagiarism found.

• The link for Anderson’s book is dated 1972, not 2006.

• I hate versions. Fixed

• Ref 17 (Suryomenggolo) should be listed in full within the Sources section, not here. Only a short citation (Name/Year/Page) is needed in this section.

• Relocated

On hold

I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 12 August to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 16:07, 4 August 2023 (UTC)

@Amitchell125: Issues addressed, I believe. Juxlos (talk) 12:42, 8 August 2023 (UTC)

Passing

Passing now, great work Juxlos. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 15:40, 8 August 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.