Talk:Super Bowl LI halftime show/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 09:11, 18 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

on February 5, 2017, at NRG Stadium → no need for the second comma
Lady Gaga headlined the show → comma after "show"
Release year for "Joanne" in brackets
I would rather say "unfruitful" for "unproductive"
rehearsing the show → rehearsing for the show
jumpsuit for the singer. Designers Bruce Rodgers → jumpsuit for the singer, while designers Bruce Rodgers (for a better flow)
Some argued it ranked among the top → Some argued it was one of the top
became her 14th top-ten single → consequently became her 14th top-ten single (to make it clear it was due to the Super Bowl)

Infobox

Nothing wrong here

Synopsis

and started singing "Poker Face" → and performed "Poker Face" (to avoid word repetition)
and sang "Just Dance" → and performed "Just Dance"
singing "Million Reasons". The audience present → singing "Million Reasons"; the audience present (for better flow)
Please include the release year for every single in brackets

Background

Comma after "August 2016"
The NFL explained → Soon after, the NFL explained (for a better flow)
comma after "meantime"
of the show, John Entz, confirmed Gaga's involvement. He added → of the show, John Entz, also confirmed Gaga's involvement, and added
Pepsi sports marketing director → shouldn't it be "Pepsi's sports marketing director"
Pepsi sponsored the halftime show for the fifth-consecutive year. → You mention that Pepsi Zero Sugar sponsored the show earlier; isn't this the same?

Development

Conception

Gaga told Entertainment Weekly she wanted to give → Gaga told Entertainment Weekly that she wanted to give
that to win fans had → comma after "win"
15–60 second → 15–60-second
Link "Twitter"
her plan to sing atop the dome → her plan to sing from atop the dome

Rehearsals

as well as her concert tours → as well as during her concert tours
the main challenge was how to make the halftime performance different from the preceding years but keep it still about the music → the main challenge was to make the halftime performance different from the preceding years but to still keep it about the music
Choreographer Richy Jackson was shown in the middle of a session with the dancers, displaying the characteristic moves from the song, "Bad Romance" (2009) → It's unclear what you mean here; was a teaser shown somewhere, or...?
Unlink "Bad Romance" and remove the release year in brackets

Fashion

Gaga wore simple outfits → Gaga began wearing simple outfits
much speculation → several speculation
iridescent colored → iridescent-colored
with high shoulder pads → along with high shoulder pads
body suit → bodysuit
aiding Gaga's mobility → aiding to Gaga's mobility
It consisted of silver hot pants with sequins, with a football shoulder-pad like jacket → It consisted of sequined silver hot pants and a football shoulder-pad-like jacket.
Billboard deemed both the outfits → Were those two outfits? Then it should be "both outfits"
comma before "adding"
while playing the keytar, . → syntax issues
Gaga'sh longtime → issue

Multimedia

creators of previous Super Bowl halftime stages → the creators of previous Super Bowl halftime stages
Link "Nashville"
with the music being played → no need for the "being"

Drones

The "See also" is kind of redundant here since you mention and link it
but never encountered the appropriate technology until Intel's drones → the "until Intel's drones" can be removed since it's self-explainatory
out to Intel representatives and told them he wanted to use their drone technology for a "large TV show in February. I can't give you money, but I can give you exposure." Knowing that the Super Bowl would expose their technology to over 110 million television sets across the country, Intel agreed → out to Intel representatives and communicated that he wanted to use their drone technology for a "large TV show in February. I can't give you money, but I can give you exposure"; Intel agreed (no need for the unnecessary details)
segment for the opening with Gaga singing atop the roof → segment for the opening, with Gaga singing from atop the roof
were about 1 foot (0.30 m) square → which were about 1 foot (0.30 m) square
Link "wirelessly"
Link "GPS"

Critical response

considered the show Gaga's comeback → considered the show to be Gaga's comeback
"critically acclaimed" is not quite right here since there were also some critics; change to "received generally positive response" here and in the lead
Link "queer"
Land viewed the singer's opening performance was a subtle → Land viewed the singer's opening performance as a subtle
Gaga referred to Trump's policies on immigration → Gaga referred to Trump's policies on immigration according to the writer
—the most by any halftime show—[47 → the ref should follow directly after "show"

Commercial reception

most tweeted about → most tweeted-about
was the second most-tweeted → was the second most tweeted-about
with Joanne selling over 12,000 copies → comma before "with"
14.8 million stations and her songs received 2.5 billion spins → 14.8 million stations; her songs received 2.5 billion spins
which dropped off the chart the previous week → which had dropped off the chart the previous week
becoming Gaga's 14th top-ten single → comma before "becoming"
with Joanne rising from number 66–2 → simplify to: "with Joanne rising 66–2"
aulted from number 54–2 → same as above
Unlink "The Fame"
the former moved from number 88–11
the former moved → say "Joanne" to avoid confusion
No need for an extra fourth paragraph; combine it with the third one

Set list

Fixed by myself

Personnel

Credits and personnel adapted from the listing available at Live Design website → simplify: "Credits and personnel adapted from Live Design"

Other things

37.1% is (still) very good for copyviolation
No disambiguation links
No dead links
As far as I checked them, the references do back up the assertions made in this article

Outcome

On hold — a very interesting article that needs some fixes before passed to GA status. Let me know if you're needing extra time over the 7-day period. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 08:45, 21 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Pinging Cartoon network freak and IndianBio. It's been over a month since this review was conducted. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 13:17, 26 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@IndianBio: Note it's been for over a month on hold now. You'll have to start working on it or otherwise I will sadly have to fail this. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 20:00, 27 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Failing due to inactivity. Cartoon network freak (talk) 04:59, 31 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.