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Talk:Subroto Mukerjee/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 19:42, 21 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Happy to review the article.

Thanks @Amitchell125:, for your detailed analysis and comments. I've addressed each point one-by one.

Assessment

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Titles

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  • Ensure all section titles are in sentence case (e.g. Personal Life should read 'Personal life').

- Fixed.

Lead section

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  • England - replace 'the UK' and remove the link.

- Fixed.

  • c. 1947 - use "{{circa|1947}}".

- Fixed.

  • To ensure that the lead section is an adequate summary of the main text, include some information related to Mukerjee's: early career, World War II experiences, and later career. Details concerning his death and legacy also need to be included.

- Added information.

- Fixed. Used Kolkata.

Early life and education

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  • ...the only Indian flying ace. - the link to Indian should be moved to the first place it occurs (...an early Indian officer…).

- Fixed.

- Fixed.

  • Unlink Cambridge University at the end of the section (already linked).

- Fixed.

  • Mukerjee was educated in a diocesan school in Nainital (today known as Sherwood College)... - amend the text to something like 'Mukerjee was educated at Nainital Diocesan Boys' High School (today known as Sherwood College).'.

- Fixed.

  • Unlink Birbhum Zilla School as there's no information about the school in the article that is linked.

- Fixed.

  • The first and third paragraphs require citations.

- Added citations.

  • I would start a new paragraph from The youngest of four children….

- Fixed.

  • Is it worth mentioning that he was taken to England as a baby, if his childhood was then spent in India?

- Not a lot of information about his childhood in the UK.

  • What school did he attend in the UK?

- Didn't get information about the school.

Early career

[edit]
  • Link Old Sarum (Old Sarum Airfield). Old Sarum is currently linked to an abandoned medieval site on a hill.

- Fixed.

  • Unlink Flight Lieutenant (twice), as it is already linked in the main text.

- Fixed.

  • ... four Westland Wapiti biplanes. - there's no need to link biplanes, because of the previous link. Consider Westland Wapiti biplanes having a single link (Westland Wapiti).

- Fixed.

  • Link RAF Cranwell in the caption.

- Fixed.

  • ...a Flight of a Squadron would… - no capitals.

- Fixed.

  • The other five were H C Sirkar, A B Awan, Bhupendra Singh, Amarjeet Singh and J N Tandon. - this sentence does not relate the article, and (unless I am wrong) has no notable names, and so needs to be edited out.

- As the first Indian officers, they are notable. However, since Wiki articles do not exist, editing the sentence for now.

  • The second and fourth paragraphs lack citations.

- Added citations.

  • Unless the two other men are notable, the second sentence in the caption should read something like 'Subroto Mukerjee is on the right'.

- As the first Indian officers, they are notable.

  • ...would play… - amend to 'played'.

-Fixed.

  • ...in the harsh terrains… - it would make sense to amend this to '...because of the harsh terrains...' as flying aircraft themselves don't encounter harsh terrains, but ground troops do.
  • Mukerjee, part of the A Flight, flew into Mukerjee… - this needs to be edited, at present it doesn't make any sense.

- Fixed.

  • Add this citation for the sentence On 15 February 1939, Mukerjee was promoted to the rank of Flight Lieutenant..

- Added.

World War II

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- Added.

  • ...the senior-most… - '...the most senior…'

- Fixed.

  • Squadron Leader and mentioned in dispatches - the capitals need to be removed.

- Fixed.

  • On 28 August 1943, he became the first Indian officer to command an airbase. He commanded the RAF Station Kohat from August 1943 to December 1944. - improve the prose by amending it to something like 'He commanded RAF Kohat from 28 August 1943 to December 1944, becoming at that time the first Indian officer to command an airbase.'.

- Fixed.

  • ... in his book Martial India. - can be omitted, as the citation names the book.

- Fixed.

  • ...moved to Air Headquarters having been appointed Director of flying training. - should read 'moved to Air Headquarters, having been appointed director of flying training.'.

- Fixed.

  • ...and became the first Indian air officer. - I'm unsure what is trying to be said here, as the text states he had become an officer many years' previously.

- An 'air officer' is an officer of the rank of air commodore or higher (One-star ranks and above).

Post-independence

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- Fixed.

  • Air Vice Marshal - not in capitals.

- Fixed.

  • There's no need for Moreover,….

- Fixed.

  • ...left to the United Kingdom on deputation… - the prose here needs to be improved, as it currently doesn't make proper sense.

- Changed the prose.

- Changed the prose.

  • ...and in early 1953, proceeded to United Kingdom' - imo this can be left out.

- Fixed.

  • He attended the course with Captain (Later Admiral & CNS) Ram Dass Katari, the senior-most Indian Naval officer.[25] After completing the year-long course, he returned to India in early 1954. - this could easily be condensed, e.g. to something like 'He attended the course during 1953, along with Captain Ram Dass Katari, the senior-most Indian Naval officer at that time.'.

- Fixed.

  • Having tenanted multiple appointments in the Air Headquarters… - this would sound better if replaced with something like 'His military service…'; and ...helped him groom himself… could be replaced by 'fully qualified him…'.

- Fixed.

  • The image does not need to be any larger than the normal thumb size (see MOS:IMGSIZE).

- Fixed.

Commander-in-Chief

[edit]

- Fixed.

  • In the title, Indian Air Force is unnecessary.

- Fixed.

  • He is the longest serving Chairman in history, having served for more than five years, until his untimely demise in 1960. - other people may have been a 'Chairman' for longer than 5 years, and it could be argued describing his death as 'untimely' represents the editor's opinion. Amend to something as simple as: 'He served in this capacity for over five years, up to his death in 1960.'.
- He was indeed the longest serving Chairman of the Chiefs of Staff Committee.
- The reason his death is termed 'untimely' is because he was 49 when he passed away and in a freak accident (choking on a fish-bone).

What do you think?

Sentence amended to sort out the issue, including quoting the text used in ref 27 ("untimely death").
  • ...the IAF transformed into an all-jet force and was re-equipped with… - consider replacing with '...the aircraft of the IAF were replaced with…'.

- Fixed.

Dates of rank

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  • Citation required for first and last lines - use ref 34.

- Added.

Personal life

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- Fixed.

  • The 'citation needed' tag in this section needs to be addressed.

- Didn't find a citation. I have deleted the sentence.

Death

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  • Neither Tokyo or Japan should be linked (MOS:OL).

- Fixed.

  • Link gun carriage (no hyphen); flypast (no hyphen); military attachés.

- Fixed.

- Fixed.

  • ...the Air House. - 'Air House'?

- 'Air House' is the official residence of the Chief of the Air Staff.

  • Add a hyphen to both examples of forty-nine.

- Fixed.

  • ...Gazette of India… - should read '...edition of The Gazette of India...'.

- Fixed.

  • Tributes poured in… - The Indian Government received tributes from around the world…'.(see WP:CLICHE).

- Fixed.

Legacy

[edit]

- Fixed.

  • "Considered" by who?

- By former CAS, Air Chief Marshal Pratap Chandra Lal in his book.

  • The tournament, known as Subroto Cup Football Tournament … - why not simply 'The Subroto Cup Football Tournament…'.

- Fixed.

  • ...in order to improve units to further improve… - this doesn't make sense.

- Fixed.

See also

[edit]
  • Can you explain the significance of the first link?

- Field Marshal K M Cariappa was the first Indian officer to head the Indian Army. Admiral Ram Dass Katari was the first Indian officer to head the Indian Navy.

  • Remove the second link, which is already contained within the text.

- Added since the three of them are the first Indians to head the three services.

References

[edit]

I have revamped this section. Adding citations and references. Please check.

  • Reference 5 - use the title '1932: Birth of IAF', not 'Untitled document'.

- Added.

-Fixed.

  • Ditto ref 8/11; 12/20; 23/24; 39/40/44; 49/50.

- Fixed.

  • Add a url for the following references: Reference 6 (The Air Force List) - this; Reference 8 ("Marshal Arjan Singh") - this.

- Added.

  • Reference 48 (Press Briefing) should not be in capital letters.

- Fixed.

  • Authors missing from references 8, 12, 13, 14, 39, 40 and 44.

- Added.

Further comments

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Hello Zwerubae, Thanks for all your work here. A few points worth sorting out:

  • I couldn't find the link to The Saga of a Soaring Legend, the one provided doesn't work.
Link removed. Amitchell125 (talk) 18:04, 4 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • You replied, 'As the first Indian officers, they are notable. However, since Wiki articles do not exist, editing the sentence for now.' Why not keep their names in, but red-link them in the article? (i.e., 'Bhupendra Singh, Amarjeet Singh and...')
  • You replied '- Field Marshal K M Cariappa was the first Indian officer to head the Indian Army. Admiral Ram Dass Katari was the first Indian officer to head the Indian Navy.' I think it would be worth clarifying the links to these men in the article, e.g. 'K. M. Cariappa, the first Indian to be appointed as commander-in-chief (C-in-C) of the Indian Army.'

Nearly there! Amitchell125 (talk) 15:02, 30 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm checking through the article for minor corrections, which I'll do myself. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:59, 30 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Now at GA level

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Passing now, as the article is now at GA level, any other changes are suggestions to improve it still further. Congratulations. Amitchell125 (talk) 18:09, 4 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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