Talk:Stuart Memorial, Dunedin/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Marshelec (talk · contribs) 01:28, 17 February 2024 (UTC)
I will review this nomination. I will aim to complete my review within 7 days.Marshelec (talk) 01:28, 17 February 2024 (UTC)
The article is in good shape. I intend to use a template to formalise the review outcome, but first I propose some minor improvements to the prose and review of a couple of other issues with the text, as follows:
Sources and citations
the citation currently numbered 5 is from the Oamaru Mail. It was unclear to me why the writer of the letter was addressing it to the Mayor of Oamaru. This needs clarifying if possible. Alternatively, try to find a different citation that avoids this complication.- Added context here in-article. - G
the citation currently numbered 8 does not support the facts in the preceding sentence:"William Leslie Morison, an artist from Wellington, was selected by the committee to design the statue"- Oh, I don't know how that happened. Got the correct citation in there. Thank you very much for catching that. - G
Lead
in the first sentence, move the clause "adjacent to Queens Gardens" into the next sentence, to improve flow and make the first sentence more concise.- Done. - G
in the second sentence, "prominent Dunedin statue" could be removed, so that the sentence simply says that the Stuart Memorial is close to ...- Done. - G
in the third sentence, replace "The memorial features a .." with "The memorial is a ..."- Done. - G
the artist William Leslie Morison appears to be notable, so make this name red-linked, both in the lead, and in the Infobox- Done. - G
the W. Moore foundry in London appears to be the Thames Ditton Foundry during the relevant period. Add this link to the words W. Moore foundry- Most likely the same foundry, but I'm not sure if we can firmly say. The phrasing "W. Moore" perplexes me, and sadly the Heritage NZ listing doesn't say anything about where it was cast. - G
Please have a read of this source: [1]. The Moore that is referred to here was a prolific producer of bronze statues, and active in exactly the right period to be responsible for the casting for the Stuart Memorial. I would say that the chances of this not being the right person/firm are small, and that there is sufficient evidence to justify linking the Thames Ditton Foundry article. Marshelec (talk) 08:00, 17 February 2024 (UTC)
- Oh, thank you for that source. Yeah, fair enough; I'll link it. - G
- Great. As it happens, I found another local source about the unveiling of the statue that just uses "Moore" rather than W. Moore. This may not be significant, but is interesting. Perhaps the telegraph message that about the unveiling that was printed in several papers was incorrect in this detail, and this source has it right ? [2] - M
- Most likely the same foundry, but I'm not sure if we can firmly say. The phrasing "W. Moore" perplexes me, and sadly the Heritage NZ listing doesn't say anything about where it was cast. - G
in the second paragraph the words "the highly trafficked location" do not read well, and are also not found in the body of the article. I suggest options of either removing the words, or rewriting, including adding relevant text in the body.- I rephrased this. - G
in the last sentence, change "The statue was again kept at its .." to "The statue remains at its .."
Background
the clause "He served as the chairman of the Otago High School boards," is unclear. I presume it means "chairman of the Otago Boys' and Otago Girls' High Schools" or perhaps "Chairman of the combined board of Otago Boys' and Otago Girls' High Schools". This should be made clear. The sentence should also finish at that point, so that the description of his role as Chancellor is fully separate in a new sentence.- Good points. Fixed. - G
there is a missing word in the reworked sentence: "He served Chancellor of the .."in the first line under Memorial committee, delete the words "..to the speaker".- Fixed. - G
Composition
the sentence "Stuart wears a shepherd's plaid around his shoulders, habitually worn by the minister during his service" does not read well. I suggest an alternative: "Stuart wears a shepherd's plaid around his shoulders, a garment that he wore frequently".- Fixed, ty! - G
The sentence: "The original pedestal is made of concrete and granite, with the later additionally ..." needs a word such as "version" or "alteration" after "later"- Thank you. - G
In accordance with NZ English the spelling of the unit of distance/height is metre, not meter.- Oh yeah. I'm obviously a yank lol. Thank you for the ENGVAR corrections. - G
The sentence: "Since the plinth was raised to 5 meters in 1922, the total height of the monument measures 5 meters." doesn't seem right. Surely the total height is now far more than 5 metres ?- Facepalm on my part. 7 meters!
History
I suggest a small expansion and revision of the first sentence to become "The memorial was initially surrounded by lamp posts, but these obstructed the visibility, and proposals ..."- Fixed! - G
Remove the Dr from " Dr. Thomas Hocken ..." as per MOS:DOC- Oh good catch. - G
A change is needed to: "The statue was listed on the New Zealand Heritage List as a Category 1 monument in 1987". The Heritage New Zealand detail listing classifies it as a Historic Place (and the listing includes the parcel of land where the memorial is located).- Also a great catch, thank you. -G
Commons category link
add a template link: {{commons category-inline|Stuart Memorial}}- Added, good idea! Generalissima (talk) 06:44, 17 February 2024 (UTC)
Images
Increase the px width of the image in the Infobox to match the width of the map below- Oh good idea. Fixed. - G
The image in Commons: C:File:Donald McNaughton Stuart Monument, Dunedin, New Zealand.jpg is a good representation of how the memorial now appears, and shows the setting. My suggestion is to replace the historic image of the statue on its original plinth with this one. However, I am open to persuasion :)- How about using Template:Multiple images to compare the old and new plinths? - G
- That's definitely worth a try. M
- Done! - G
- That's definitely worth a try. M
- How about using Template:Multiple images to compare the old and new plinths? - G
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.