Talk:Straight Outta Lynwood/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Seattle (talk · contribs) 15:00, 12 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I can review this soon. Seattle (talk) 15:00, 12 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

No dead links, no DAB links.

File:Atlantic record sucks shirt your pitiful aug 8th 2007 ohio state fair.JPG needs a personality rights warning.

The single was extremely successful, peaking at number nine on the Billboard Hot 100. The song "Canadian Idiot" also proved to be a minor chart hit, peaking at number 82. "extremely successful" and "minor chart hit" are WP:PEACOCK phrases; I would combine the two sentences.

"White & Nerdy" went on to become → became

first single to have ever been certified Platinum → first Platinum-certified single

Do you mind if I c/e the article before going any further? Seattle (talk) 00:57, 13 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Actually, no, I don't think I'm going to give this a c/e. Before I continue with the review, give this article a copy-edit, from top to bottom. Seattle (talk) 19:05, 13 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, I have fixed the issues you mentioned, as well as given the article a copy-edit.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:41, 13 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Very well, thanks. To continue:

A lot of archived references need the original URL and archive date
All fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Refs 20 and 21, from Blogger, can you justify those as reliable?
They are operated by John Kricfalusi and/or Katie Rice, notable people in the animation world. They are discussing their involvement in a music video for this album. I feel this justifies their inclusion, per WP:SELFPUBLISH.
Can you justify yankovic.org, "the Unofficial Blog about Weird Al Yankovic", as reliable? I went to a few of the links, and I think you can cite those primary sources instead of an unofficial blog.
The problem is that the primary source (The MySpace page) no longer exists (or rather, the blog posts have long been deleted). I'm using this blog as basically an archive.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 17 doesn't cite anything in the website itself
It's a listing of some of the photographs of the aforementioned rap artists, whose pictures were taken by the photographer who took Yankovic's.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 42 has a citation error
Should be fixed now.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I can't the chart history from references 41 or 46
That should be fixed now.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Discogs.com is not a reliable reference.
Looks like another editor snuck that addition under my nose. It's removed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

In short, clean up the references and get back to me... I don't like drive-by nominations that don't give due diligence to the process, but I'll stick with this one. Seattle (talk) 00:26, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

All the points you bring up have been fixed, amended, or commented on. And just a heads up, I wouldn't consider this a drive-by nomination. I did several days worth of edits to this in my sandbox before moving it to live article space, drastically improving the article. I just don't want you to think I've been sloppy!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:51, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Everything above looks OK. Seattle (talk) 14:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

OK. Some more:

~~In reference 40 I can't see the chart~~
That's really weird... I'll try to find a replacement chart soon (it looks like the website is acting up).--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:44, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~Reference 43 says "White and Nerdy" made it to 80 later in 2006.~~
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The song takes a moderate approach would rather you say "according to x, the song takes" due to original research concerns
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
biological functions of the aforementioned organ., watch comma at end
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
It tells the story of a man that breaks up with his seemingly perfect girlfriends due to the most inconsequential of flaws. seems like OR, could you reference that somewhere besides the liner notes, or is an overview of the song given with the lyrics? Is this allowed by the same logic as plot summaries don't require a reference? Can you provide me a specific policy link? Thanks.
I added a source to back up that claim, so that it's not OR.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
- Do you know the guideline for movie plot not requiring references? I know there has to be one, and I want to see if that applies to songs too. Seattle (talk) 14:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  Here's what I found, concerning primary sources: "A primary source may only be used on Wikipedia to make straightforward, descriptive statements of facts that can be verified by any educated person with access to the primary source but without further, specialized knowledge." I agree that some of text (like the Canadian Idiot part) crossed the boundary over into OR, but I feel some of them, by just condensing down what the lyrics say, should probably be OK (for instance, "Do I Creep You Out" is fairly obviously an ode to a stalking victim, and the fact that Yankovic is a comedian does take some of the "debateability" out of his songs' meanings.)--Gen. Quon (Talk) 13:34, 16 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

and its aborted follow-up, Smile. what does this mean?
Reworded and clarified a bit.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:50, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
It is a satirical commentary on American nationalism and the stereotypical do the liner notes give a blurb about that, or is it OR from the lyrics?
Added a source to back that up.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

After being denied permission to release "You're Pitiful" (as described below), I don't think "(as described below)" is needed
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The first of these is a play on "Do I Make You Proud" by Taylor Hicks, in which a singer addresses the object of his affection and stalking.[3] The song was also Yankovic's jab at American Idol, a musical competition show that Hicks had won in May 2006. I would combine these two sentences
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'm to the "Title and artwork" section. Seattle (talk) 15:01, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

However, the cover ended up being unintentionally appropriate when "White & Nerdy" became the lead track on the album. this statement could use a reference
The following footnote references the statement.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"more 'bang for the buck" for the fans". a specific reference for the quote would be good
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
meager budget, but to his surprise, many artists signed on. I would drop "meager" here
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~I'd rather you cite the newspaper instead of the yankovic.org for reference 19~~
The website/newspaper is offline, but I was able to cite the paper itself.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Lovelace's infamous content. try "previous content" instead
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~The first paragraph of "Visuals" has a lot of short, choppy sentences. Try to combine some.~~
How is it now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:45, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Something doesn't add... Straight Outta Lynwood spawned nine, and the DualDisc release of the album included videos for all six original songs. OK, nine total music videos, with all six originals having music videos. Later: Subsequent videos were also made for four of the album's parodies. That's ten.
Fixed (somehow, I think I counted the abandoned "Canadian Idiot" video as one).--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
it was shown roughly 20 time a day yeah, 20 time a day...
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
complete with his noted hairstyle. Yankovic later asked that Bresler give the character a more neutral look, noting that if a live action video had been made, he "would almost certainly be playing a character [in the video, and] not 'Weird Al'". no idea what that means. I don't think we need "complete with his noted hairstyle" either...
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~Slant Magazine → Slant Magazine in the ratings box~~
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Chris Carle awarded who is Carle?
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
On such moment that Shetler applauded was, really poor writing
Completely rewritten.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"maligned" isn't a neutral word, try "described" or "criticized" instead
Fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
- - - ~~One left: while maligning "I'll Sue Ya", "Close But No Cigar", and "Don't Download This Song". Seattle (talk) 14:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)~~[reply]
      Got it.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:24, 16 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~Billboard Hot 100 link to chart~~
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Rolling Stone later named "Trapped in the Drive Thru" as one of the 100 Greatest Songs of 2006, ranking it at 77th.[36] Likewise, Blender ranked "White & Nerdy" at number 76 on their Top 100 Songs of 2006.[37] combine these using "while" because it isn't "likewise" for a different song
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~Why not describe the "SWE" chart as well in the "Commercial performance section? The "Comedy Albums" and "Australian Albums" charts should be mentioned too.~~
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:36, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

OK. Seattle (talk) 20:33, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed a whole mess of the points you brought up. I'll work on the rest in a bit.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 00:47, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I think everything is fixed.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:51, 15 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

in 1996, he began seeking permission directly from the artists themselves. can you give a specific footnote to this?
I thought it was sourced to the following citation, but I guess it wasn't. I couldn't find a new one, so I just removed it.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 04:43, 17 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]