Talk:Stay Up Late/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 19:03, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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Lead
- Add comma after
Between 1988 and 1993
to separate the introductory phrase from the main clause. - Change
an yearly
to "an annual". - Add comma after
explicit
. - The inclusion of the last two sentences in the first paragraph is confusing because their relation to Stay Up Late isn't clear. If I understand correctly, Stay Up Late was one of the paintings that led to WITF-TV banning erotica. I suggest changing it to something along these lines: "Stay Up Late was one of the paintings that Swords donated to an annual art auction for WITF-TV, and the explicitness of his later paintings, including Stay Up Late, eventually led to the channel banning erotica in 1993."
- Remove comma after
$80 (equivalent to $150 in 2021)
. - Change
to commentate on
to "to comment on" - We should avoid jargon. - Change
five city tour
to "five-city-tour".
Background
- Italicize
"Omaha" the Cat Dancer
andThe Secret of NIMH
. - Change
that depict
to "which depict". - Remove commas before and after
named Alice and Bob
. - Change last sentence to something along these lines: "In 1993, WITF-TV banned erotica from their yearly auction "Gallery 33" due to fear of alienating their audience and losing their FCC license".
- Wikilink
erotica
at first mention in article body.
Description
- You can add the "It's as if Monet had a furry period." (from this source) comment of Oliver to this section.
- I'm not sure if words like
rats
andashtray
need to be wikilinked. They may be considered MOS:OVERLINK.
Provenance
- In my opinion, "History" would be a better section title than "Provenance" because it is a more familiar word to readers.
- Change
offered to buy the painting
to "offered to buy it". - Change
and a $20,000 donation to a food bank.
to "and make a $20,000 donation to a food bank". - Paraphrase one of the
writing for
instances to avoid repetition. - Change
As a part of a October 2021
to "As part of an October 2021". - Break up the first sentence of the third paragraph.
- Change
Each museum visited
to "Each visited museum". - Change
lamb chop
andneckties
probably don't need to be wikilinked.
References
- Add archive links for refs #3, 5, and 10.
Additional comments
- Earwig shows no copyvio.
- All sources are reliable and support the claims for which they're cited.
- The only picture in the article is relevant and has been appropriately tagged for fair use.
- Overall, great job. Happy to pass once the above points are addressed.
— Golden call me maybe? 20:25, 19 May 2023 (UTC)
- I see this and will get to it tomorrow. -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 18:34, 21 May 2023 (UTC)
- @Golden All have been done except removing provenance, which is a common term in fine art. -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 20:24, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
- @Guerillero: Great. I have one more suggestion: The first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Provenance section seem to be describing the same event. Both mention the $1,000 purchase and the $20,000 donation. The only new information in the second paragraph is the exact date of the John Oliver episode. So, I suggest adding the date to the first paragraph and removing the sentence from the second paragraph. P.S. Apply the third point I made in the Provenance section to the first paragraph as well. — Golden call me maybe? 20:43, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
- @Golden: I trimmed it, because it was repetitive -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 21:11, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
- @Guerillero: Great. I have one more suggestion: The first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Provenance section seem to be describing the same event. Both mention the $1,000 purchase and the $20,000 donation. The only new information in the second paragraph is the exact date of the John Oliver episode. So, I suggest adding the date to the first paragraph and removing the sentence from the second paragraph. P.S. Apply the third point I made in the Provenance section to the first paragraph as well. — Golden call me maybe? 20:43, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
- @Golden All have been done except removing provenance, which is a common term in fine art. -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 20:24, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.