Talk:St. John's Shaughnessy/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 15:23, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: Dclemens1971 (talk · contribs) 19:42, 13 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, I'll review this article :) Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've finished my comments up until architecture. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Prose and content

The lead will need to be expanded by quite a bit, as it doesn't summarize the architecture section at all, and doesn't adequately summarize the history section.
The site where St. John's stands today was originally the site of the residence avoid saying "site" twice, i.e. "housed"
added a chapel in the basement of the residence → added a chapel to their basement
When the chapel was itself outgrown awkward, rw
authorized the building of a wood-frame church on the property awkward. Would be helped if it used active voice.
he drove down St. John's $4,400 debt could you elaborate this for me?
Shaughnessy site explain what this is
B.C. Generally don't use this abbreviation, but if you want to, introduce it.
Link Dedication of churches
became known for high use an article here, such as "its"
By the 1970s, however if you are going to use "however" here, you need to say "popular" or "widely known" in the previous sentence
Link vestry
robust ministry to ministry for?
began to leave → left
Combine the above sentence with the following sentence
A year after Robinson's arrival, Packer took an appointment at Regent College, where he remained for the rest of his life. Packer, considered one of the preeminent evangelical theologians,[7] received an appointment as honorary assistant priest at St. John's, which he held until 2008.[8] establish why Packer is relevant to the church upfront in these sentences. Don't mention his preeminence unless it's relevant to his activities at the church.
Link low church
Robinson also oversaw a $1.2 million renovation in 1990. move this sentence up to preserve chronology
has graduated over → has since
gloss impaired communion
link Anglican realignment
gloss episcopal oversight
in February 2008 St. John's membership → in February 2008 96 percent of St. John's membership
canonically resident gloss
The Southern Cone agreed to provide primatial oversight for traditionalist Anglican churches in Canada as an interim step to creating an eventual parallel province in North America. You need to step this out further and explain these concepts better.
and join the joined
link Anglican Network in Canada
the case,[1]resulting space
rotation of clergy active voice
he would serve until WP:WOULDCHUCK
the Ven. rmv title
In 2020, a labyrinth was installed in the church a labryinth ??
had grown to 80–100 in had grown to having
attendance, still far add a conjunction
What are bullet windows?
as well as red tile sills, that were among "much of the fine detailing of this Gothic-inspired moderne church" that had been hidden by a layer of asphalt siding this sentence is quite confusing. Can you explain key concepts?
the natural inside what is this?
Just above the main entrance mention that this is from the outside
Link Matthew 4:21
Introduce that there is a bell tower before you mention it
were built from mahogany constructed? Built implies building
frieze of dogwood flowers and arbutus leaves. what is the significance of this?
artwork done by Barbara Sharp, whose father designed the church integrate this information better, i.e. were painted by
traditional-language what is traditional-language? Latin? First Nation?
to flexible space → to a flexible
The parish hall → it as this contradicts previous sentence where it described as former, now it is claimed to be current
both to a design by G. L. Thornton Sharp integrate this better, i.e. G. L. Thornton Sharp designed}}
inscribed in an arch in or on?
Link chancel
11th century hyphenate
the war → WW2
The windows are respectively dedicated to Oscar Beale who is he? If he is not a notable figure, just say to a local figure etc.
by Hallman Organ Company the Hallman... ?
Link Organ console
Notable people: this section is confusing regarding figure's roles re; the church. Should be clarified.

Suggestions

It was designed in a late → The new church was
prominent Vancouver architect George false title
by prominent Canadian stained glass false title
The church was built → It was built Avoid repeating church twice in a few words
befriended notable evangelicals avoid notable per MOS:PEACOCK

Sources

I can see you haven't added page numbers for inline sources, it's really hard to check sources if you aren't doing this. You can use template:rp if you aren't aware.

[4]: you can link this book to the internet archive N I can't find in the source justification for build a larger church capable of seating 500... After the dedication, Larmonth moved to Saskatoon to take up the deanship of St. John's Cathedral.
[8]: N
[12]: N doesn't mention Short, St John's etc.
[13]: N This does not appear to be a RS, per [this review https://muse.jhu.edu/article/238421]
[14]: N neither mention Anglican realignment, I don't really disbelieve that the article text is wrong, but it's really problematic that primary sources are used for what needs to be a retrospective, secondary claim.
[16]: N does not mention Anglican realignment ^

I am going to leave this review here. Unfortunately I will have to fail the article per GACR #2b, because the text isn't supported by RS.

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.